birth brother

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birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:59 pm

searching for birth brother adopted approx march 1956 was born st monicas mother and baby home kendal 23/2/1956 name ian sharp not sure of adoption agency used my mother has since past away and we only just found out after my neice doing family tree and applied for her care records as she was in care most of her life through no fault of hers do not know adopted name any help would be really appriciated im his younger birth sister half
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Re: birth brother

Postby ladyarcher70 » Mon Jan 19, 2015 12:38 am

Hello Linrog55, and welcome.....

Searching is always tricky, however you have some information which is useful and gives you a bit of a start.....do you have a copy of your brother's birth certificate.......you need to send for this in order to make absolutely sure that he was adopted....you know roughly when he was born so you could either look on line, in which case you would have to pay to join Ancestry, or one of those sites.......you can send for a certificate from the Govt. Records Office at Kew ......again, a cost, and you will need to give them as much info. as you can in order to narrow down the search for the right certificate....... or if you live near London you can go to Kew and search the records yourself......

I suggest that you get the copy of the birth cert first, because it should, if he was adopted, have the word 'adopted' written across it or in a corner......it will not, of course, give you his adopted name........it is best to be absolutely sure he is adopted, before you start other forms of search......because if he wasn't, if for example he was only ever fostered, then you would be looking in the wrong place......

If your mother had an original of his birth cert, written by the Registrar at the time he was registered, that is a help, but it will not tell you if he was adopted.......but the dates and addresses on it will help to narrow the search for the entry at Kew.....

Have you registered on the Govt. Contact Register at Smedley Hydro........It is not a search facility, it is simply a 'sleeper' register....you register yourself as looking, and as being willing to be looked for .......your message just stays there until someone is looking for you....then a match is made, and you will be informed.......or, you can opt to be contacted direct........just remember to inform them if you change your address.......

Anyway, that's your early things to do.....you can also contact adoption agencies to see if your mother and brother are on their records.....some agencies will not be around now, from the 1950s, but their records are held by other agencies.......you say that your mother was in care, and presumably in care at the time she became pregnant....... it is most likely that whichever County Council was responsible for her being in care will probably have been the one that arranged the adoption .......or it might be one of the Church Societies, for example the Church of England Childrens' Society was one of the largest at the time.......or it could be a Catholic one.......

Anyway, good luck and keep coming back here for any further help or suggestions we can give you........

LA70
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1973 - sadly missed b.father who died young but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so when I made contact with them in Canada they were not shocked ..... when I was 25 I found out that I had a full sister who had been adopted separately to me........five years ago I found her, after a 40 year search.......I would never have given up looking.......
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Re: birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Mon Jan 19, 2015 8:04 am

thankyou so much for reply it is definatly my brother i have copy of birth certificate which does indeed say adopted to the side and registrar was j aspinall that signed under adopted as apposed to one that signed birth certificate my mother came out of care at 18 she was 21 when she had ian i have joined missing links and put my name on there register is there anything else i can do regards
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Re: birth brother

Postby ladyarcher70 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 3:43 pm

hI, again LinRog..........sorry not to have got back to you.....have been having some 'puter probs. re After Adoption as for some reason it keeps refusing to recognise my login password.......anyway......a thing that I did when searching for my full sister was to write to every adoption agency there is.......to see if she was on any of their records.......now I was looking for an adoption ten years earlier than your brothers.......and a lot of places had closed, but their archives are kept by the other larger societies in most cases......

Another thing you could do is to find out where the Registrar Aspinall was working.......if you could find his County Council you will have found where your brother went to....... the 'adopted' attestation is done by the registrar in the 'new' county of adoption......not in the one of birth........that's how I knew my sister was near me, because we had both been born in the same hospital, then both registered by the same registrar........then both had the same name for the attesting registrar....so I knew we were not far apart in our new homes, in fact it had been less than ten miles, as we were growing up........and we even went to the same riding stable ..........I rang the County Council where I knew I was adopted, and got it confirmed that this particular registrar had worked there at that time.... i.e. 1946 ..... I was doing all this searching well before the widespread computer tech.

However the way I found my sister........or, in a sense she found me, although she did not know she was looking for me .......was that I had put a notice on the Govt. Contact Register back soon after it had been set up.........fifteen years later when my sister started searching my notice flagged up immediately when her social worker put in a search.........we have been in contact for nearly six years now. My sister had no idea that she had a full sister........all she was looking for was a bit of background information on her birth parents........though she must have realised that as she was 63 at the time, it would have been likely that her b.parents would be gone......which in fact they both were..... however I had known that she existed since I was 25.......and had been searching since then too....I also had done all the searching and history about our b.parents.....and had known our b.mother for ten years before she died............so all of a sudden my sister got a full sister and a load of nieces and nephews and 'greats', she gets birthday greetings, and invites to family weddings etc......all a bit overwhelming for her to start with ......... I think she has got used to it now .........

Luckily for us, we both had very similar upbringings ......... that may seem to be an odd thing to say, but for two sibling children who have been apart from aged a few months, until they are in their sixties....... it is important that there are lots of points that they 'meet' at......interests and attitudes etc. and also the financial background ........ that may all sound 'petty', but the distance is so great in the number of years, that often, sadly, people can't make connections ..... and that is tragic .......

Anyway, get yourself on the contact register as it could be that your brother may go on there.....you never know ........ and see if you can find out which County Mr Aspinal was a registrar in..........no guarantee of course, that your brother is still there, although fewer people leave their home area than you would think ......... but it is possible that he is looking too.......

LA70
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Re: birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:51 pm

just found out the adopting registrar who is named on my brothers birth certificate was babsed in westmorland so adoption took place there any ideas or help greatly appriciated where i can go from here
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Re: birth brother

Postby jud1952 » Tue Oct 20, 2015 4:24 pm

Hi, I too have a Brother born at 8 DaltonDrive (st Monicas) Kendal. He was born in 1949. His birth was registered in Westmorland. This was the district in which babies born at St Monicas were registered.
I have successfully traced my Brother in 2011with the help of an intermediary. I am not sure if I can give name of searching agency I used. If allowed I will gladly do so. There is no chance of finding your Brother unless you have his adopted name and only an intermediary can access this. It might help you knowing that most babies at St Monicas adoption wère handled by the Lancashire and Cheshire Adoption Society. These records are kept in Liverpool. Good luck with your search. If I can help in any way I will. Jud1952.
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Re: birth brother

Postby ladyarcher70 » Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:22 pm

Sorry Linrog, not to have replied before......I have hardly looked at After Adoption all the summer, and missed your post in June....... as Jud1952 says, probably going down the intermediary route would work....... but I do know from other peoples' posts on here that it can take a frustratingly long time to even get an interview, and also that some local authorities are less keen to help siblings search for each other, than to help with searching for a birth parent....

I don't know if it is still possible to do this, nor do I know who could provide the information, but years ago when I was searching for my full sister, I was given a list of all the people in the Surrey area who had the same date of birth as she had......this would possibly be accessible via electoral rolls or some similar records.......the lady who helped a lot of us like this sadly died about ten years ago now. Having got this list......and it was a long shot as it was just in case my sister had never moved from the area she was adopted in...... I rang up, all the women on that list...... about sixty as far as I remember ...... although some I had to write to as some were 'ex-directory' ....... it didn't work, because as it turned out years later when I did find her, that she had travelled and lived abroad a lot.... and even when in this country she wasn't in the area where she had grown up........but it was worth a try.....

Another thing you could try would be to see if you can find your way round the new version of 'friends reunited' ...... not anywhere near as user friendly as it used to be......... but you might be able to find out all the schools that were in existence in the area at that time..... then put a notice on their sites for anyone with his birth date........ you could also put a notice in the local papers, and even the national papers for people born on that date to contact you....but you would need to set yourself up with a specific e-mail address just for that, otherwise you could get snowed under for ages........

So, not anywhere near a dead end yet ....... did you register on the Govt. Adoption Contact Register .....you need to go on both parts of it.......i.e. looking for, and wanting to be found yourself.......

LA
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Re: birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Tue Oct 25, 2016 11:32 am

i am on the gov register i have had an intermediary searching they have found him and have wrote to him should have got letter yesterday im just hoping and praying he wants contact it was so good to kow hes alive and well
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Re: birth brother

Postby JJ » Fri Oct 28, 2016 1:25 pm

That's brilliant news - how exciting for you and I have everything crossed for both of you. I would just say this - try not to be disheartened if there is a delay in hearing from your brother - it can take many months, even years, for people to come to terms with the enormity of the issues surrounding adoptions. I can only speak from personal experience of course, but it has taken 8 years - yes - YEARS!!! for my birth father to tell his family about me. Hopefully in your case things will move a little faster! But if not, never, ever give up hope....
JJ
 
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Re: birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Sat Nov 05, 2016 1:31 pm

just had first letter from him its wonderful at last my brother is real slowly does it build up a relationship and then hopefully meet hes only a hour away from me
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Re: birth brother

Postby JJ » Sat Nov 05, 2016 2:24 pm

Fabulous news! How wonderful to have had that first contact - and I hope it goes from strength to strength :)
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Re: birth brother

Postby cleo » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:08 pm

Woohoo thats great news, please keep us up to date on how things go, and only an hour away too, wishing you all the best x
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Re: birth brother

Postby linrog55 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 3:49 pm

things going really well having direct contact via email and facebook now slowly does it still alot to catch up on im so blessed he is so like our mother a striking resemblance to me too so so so happy
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Re: birth brother

Postby cleo » Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:48 pm

linrog

i am so so pleased for you, and just reading your other thread about your mum and you not knowing about her having a child beforehand...i too watched the programme, i was not in a mother & baby home, i was in a hospital but from what i understand from the programme, from the late 70,s the ss started taking over things, so my background lies with them. I watched the programme again last night, and think myself lucky in a way that i was never treated like these other mothers, even more harche.

But i can relate to alot of the emotions, especially having given birth to my son then only holding him for a short time before the nurses took him away from me, i was in hospital for i think a week with other mothers in the ward with their babies and relatives and family coming to visit...i was there feeling ashamed and alone.

I remember the nurses had to come and give me a sedation because i got so disraught one time and they closed the curtains around me.......this is a memory that has recently come back to me, as i had shut alot out all these years and could not remember alot.

I can relate too that coming out of hospital with no baby and sort of being in limbo after that not knowing what to do or what to think, i remember too my mum giving me a bath one time as i was loosing alot of milk, i did not have an injection to stop the milk. Oh my.

After a while it was like all of this never happened, my parents never talked about it, but the hurt is there and the feelings we have will never cease, how can we ever forget our first born....its simple.....we cannot, even though we were told that we were doing what was best for all concerned, and giving the chance to a couple who could not have children themselves. We believed it then because of our age and of course authority was never questioned.
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