Search for birth father

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Search for birth father

Postby steff » Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:54 pm

Hi All,

It has been a fair few years since I have used this forum; I hope you are all well.

I will take a moment just to bring you up to speed with what has happened with my search so far. I got in contact with my birth mother around six years ago and despite her promise of wanting to meet me when I was older, she did not want to. Although I found this difficult I respected her decision and her decision not to tell me half-sister about me.

From details given by Social Services when I was adopted at the age of around 6 months, I know I am similar to my birth father in many ways. Unfortunately after he found out my birth mother was pregnant, he left the scene; they were both extremely young at the time. His name is not on my birth certificate and my birth mother has refused to give me any details to enable me to search for him.

I was just wondering what I could do next in regards to searching for him? I understand this may not be possible but I am just extremely curious.

Many thanks

Stephanie
steff
 
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Re: Search for birth father

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sun Sep 21, 2014 1:57 am

Hi Steff, I have not checked back to read your original posts........it's a bit late at night...lol.....and I ought to be in bed.......however the first thought I had is that the details you have from the time of your adoption may not be everything and it might be worth asking again in case there was more that was not given to your a.parents......... things have changed a lot over the years and in some cases are more open than they were......so ask to see your original file, it is always possible that your b.father was named in any correspondence or reports, even though he is not on your birth cert.....

Off to bed now
LA70
born 1944 - adopted 1946
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Re: Search for birth father

Postby steff » Sun Sep 21, 2014 12:31 pm

Many thanks for your reply, especially seeing as though it was so late.

My adoptive mother and I got in contacth with social services when I was searching for my birth mum and they unfortunately confirmed they had no information regarding that regarding my birth father. I have been given documents from social services that reference my birth father, what he liked, his appearance, etc but nothing other than that.

Thanks again

Stephanie
steff
 
Posts: 66
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 3:05 pm

Re: Search for birth father

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sun Sep 21, 2014 10:13 pm

That's a pity.....

....., it is so wrong that social services are so varied in what they have.......or often don't have ........Surrey deny all knowledge about me despite the fact that I was born in the County and adopted in the County, and I supplied them with all the details of my birth name, my birth mother's married name and maiden name and address at the time of my birth.......and my birth father's name, rank, and Canadian Army number and the barracks he was in during the war when he met my b.mother ...my b.father was the notifying parent on my birth certificate......

...........at the time I was still hunting for my full sister........and I gave Surrey all her details too, because I knew from the names of officials on both our birth certs. that we had both been adopted in Surrey ......of course I did not have her adopted name, but I had a copy of her birth cert......unfortunately for her, our father was posted before he could register her birth, so his name is not on her birth cert. ..... I did find her five years ago.......I had been searching for her for forty years...but at the two instances when I contacted Surrey, several years apart, they still denied all knowledge of either of us........

Not that this is of any help to you of course, I just use it as an example of the extremes of differences that local authorities have when dealing with adoption, and of course this always is what adoptees have to try to overcome, often with very little help .....

I eventually found her because fifteen years earlier I had put a notice on the Adoption Contact Register run by the Govt...... when she went to do her own tracing, her social worker had the intelligence to check the register and there was my message sitting waiting for her.....she had no idea that she had a full sister.....

I suppose it might be worth you putting a notice on the Register, just in case your b.father has a guilty conscience after all these years and goes looking for you..... the Register is rather poorly advertised and not many people come across it ..... so you may feel it's not worth while...... but I do believe in leaving no stone unturned, so it could do not harm ..........difficult of course when you don't know his name, but you are able to put a notice on just agreeing to be contacted by anyone who looks for you in your birth name, and you could add your b.mother's name in with it.........you can opt to be contacted direct, or to have any letter sent to a third party if you don't want someone to know exactly where you are to start with.........as I said, my notice sat there for 15 years.......then aged 64 my sister suddenly decided to find out a bit more about her origins.......and 'bingo' .......

It is so nice that your a.mother has been involved and that you are able to be open with her about your searches........so many a.mothers are defensive about their a.children searching, and are not helpful....... even to the extent of a.children simply not telling them anything.......as far as your b.mother is concerned, personally I would continue to try and get her to tell you his name.........you could promise not to tell him where she was if you found him, as that might be what she is worried about........ especially as she has a husband and family........you have already agreed not to contact your half sister, so your b.mother should see this agreement as a reason to trust you .........

LA70
.
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Re: Search for birth father

Postby lifeafterlife » Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:49 pm

Thank you Steff and Lady Archer for bringing this topic up and your thoughts about it.

I feel as though I am in a very similar situation to you Steff and wanted to know if there was any way of finding out who my b.father was if not from b.mother as not named on birth certificate or in any of the notes.

I was born in 1970 and adopted at 6 weeks. My b.mother had been in a mother and baby home and then I was sent to a foster family after I was born and my b.mother and her mother came to visit me there on many occasions.

Sadly I have had no response to 1 letter sent to b.mother after Christmas last year, 2 signed for letters in April and July, a letter sent by my wife in August and an email sent to b.mother's husband in September. I always had a feeling that something wasn't right and know I am having my worst fears of rejection again confirmed.

At a loss as to where to go from here but Lady Archer's advice about the Register is one that I haven't followed up yet and one that I will look at.

It did say in my birth records that b.father had known about the pregnancy but hadn't wanted to be involved (not sure how much to believe after reading other b.mother's stories on the forum) It said that the social worker had stressed how important it was to have his name in the notes but b.mother adamant that no name be given as 'he had done nothing for the baby' but who knows how much of what is written in the notes is true? Like you Steff it said about my b.father's looks, hobbies and likes - which I can relate to. I would just really love a name so that I can conduct my own search.

You are very lucky to have the support of your a.mother. It is a taboo subject with mine and on times when I have tried to bring it up ( for example when I decided to make contact for the first time) it is quickly brushed under the carpet or met with tears - and then not mentioned again. Although I can understand this I would so like for her to be involved.

Sorry I seem to haven't vented a little too much on your thread - I should probably start my own. Your story was one that I instantly recognised though.

Good luck with your search Steff - let us know how you get on - or if you found any other ways of finding him.
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