3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

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3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby tracehopeuk » Mon May 26, 2014 4:27 pm

Change your mindset so that your intention is to become that one step closer to finding them.

When it comes to tracing your birth parent then yes there are a lot of emotions, but what you need to do is first try to locate your birth parent, and if you find them then ask the question of how or when to contact them.

Yes it can be a lot of work, but if you follow a system it will help and hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

Plan and prepare so you don’t waste time, money and energy. if you come across an obstacle don’t waste hours trying to find a way through it. Someone has done this before and they will be able to guide you.

Step 1. Verify information. It will save time later.
You may or may not have the adoption file. Whatever you do have go and check if the spellings are correct.

a) Check the spelling of a name via birth records. We use findmypast to search Birth, Marriage and Death records. We enter the forename, surname, year, and district (if known). It does not cost anything to see the initial result.


Step 2. Gather as much information as possible. Somewhere in there should be the lead to your success. Try to note down the information on a few pieces of paper.

a) Search Archived Electoral Rolls. If you have an old address then search the archived Electoral Rolls. Write down names of everyone who was living there in that year and the following years. Also the names of the neighbour on each side. - Most history centres/main libraries have post 1950. google “[town name] + history centre” and you should be able to find their website. You can book an appointment to pop down. If you live far ask them if they will search 2 years for you via email. Most should do it for free if you explain why you need it.

b) Get Birth Certificate. If you could find the birth match in Step 1 then go back and get the full birth details with volume, page number etc so you can order a birth certificate. Once you have this you can order via http://www.gro.gov.uk

c) Any Brothers/Sisters? From the birth match get the mother’s maiden name (if shown) then carry out a new search with just the surname and the mother’s maiden name for any potential siblings in that same area. If any do look potential then order these certificates as well (limit to a few). Once you get the certificates check the names of the parents to see if they match.

d) Marriages. Search marriage records for any possible marriage for any of the positive birth matches found. If any do look good then take note of the volume, page number etc and the spouse’s surname. There is no need to order any marriage certificates.

e) Any Nieces Nephews? Search for a child’s birth using the surname from D and the spouse’s surname as the mother’s maiden name. If any good potential male match in the marriage area then order the birth certificate.

f) Deaths. From A, B, C, D and E, search the death records for any potential matches in that area. Don’t forget to enter the birth year. Any exact or good matches for any male listings you can order the death certificate.

The idea is to get as much information as possible onto 1 or 2 pieces of paper. You can search your own combination.

Advice: Order the certificates only if they seem a good match.

Step 3. Ask for help to finish off.

A) ask someone on the forum who has done this before if they can look at what you have gathered. Why is this important? So that you don’t end up locating the address of the wrong person.

B) Or ask an “angel” search on facebook “birth parents uk” and you will find some groups then send them a message, “This is what I have gathered, can you help?”

C) Search Electoral Roll - After you are sure you have enough and the right information either search the current electoral rolls online (search for 2 names together to get less matches) or ask a people tracing specialist to locate the address using advanced people tracing systems. The idea is to first try locating the parent, and if negative, then try the relatives until you are sure you have the current address.

D) Now decide how you want to approach this and take your time. Seek help and seriously consider an intermediary service.


Past cases:

We called one birth parent and said, “we have someone who is wanting to get back in touch”. Se said “is it my son, I’ve been trying to look for him for years”?

Another time, she had passed away, but the person we were helping was happy to meet her aunt who she had never met.

A one-off case, we located the birth parent and she was did not want us to disclose her address. Yes this is sad after all the effort, and you do have to bear this in mind that this can happen, but it’s not common.

There is hope. You just need to do it right.


This is a new article that was inspired to write after ladyArcher’s feedback on our first article ucp.php?i=pm&mode=view&p=16833. We hope this second article is more related and you found this article useful which we hope to revise with any corrections you may have.
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby athensrunner » Mon May 26, 2014 8:33 pm

I'm confused...are you advertising your services as a searcher? If so, and I do no mean to be rude, but if it is what you are doing you are not inspiring loads of confidence in me. Your username and your comments at the bottom of your post about past cases makes me think that you are trying to advertise your services.

If you are not, please forgive me...still you do not seem to take into account all the emotions involved in searching as Lady Archers mentioned in your previous post.
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby tracehopeuk » Mon May 26, 2014 10:35 pm

Hi AthensRunner.

No where does it mention use us or pay us. No where does it mention a company name.
if you or others feel these articles are not helping please do let me know and will close my account as do not want to cause any grief. Rather the opposite.
Yes, part of the reason is research to see the reaction and if it is genuinely helping others. If it is then it means others want to benefit from such tips. So far have found from research that most don't really have much of a clue how to locate or where to go, so they think they are making the effort, but they are making the wrong effort, as this will result in them giving up.
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby tracehopeuk » Mon May 26, 2014 10:42 pm

Emotions have to be put aside. Just my opinion. First locate then take your time deciding what you want to do.

If the articles "are" helping others get closer. it's an indication that yes i'm on the right track and others would appreciate some set up with tips, advice and guidance that will help others find their parents faster.

If it is not helping then we wont do it.
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby athensrunner » Mon May 26, 2014 11:29 pm

Tracehopeuk

I did not want of offend you but as adoption is such an emotional mind field it is always better to be over cautious.

I'm weary of anyone who offer to to assist a search without knowing their background. Not long ago, I was in a coffee shop where I overheard someone giving extremely dubious search advice to an adoptee. Maybe it is my own guilt for not having the courage to go over and telling the adoptee that the promises and guarantees offered by the searcher were unrealistic and potentially harmful, that has made me extremely weary of someone giving search advice.

As the UK search angel for an Greek NGO, we will not search without the adoptee (birth parents cannot search by law in Greece) fully understands all the potential outcomes...both good and bad. I'm sure you are aware that there are some legal implications in regards for adoption searches here in the UK.

Your second post was more sensitive and more in depth, so I see you, as I am, willing to learn from other on this forum which is the reason for the forum.
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby tracehopeuk » Tue May 27, 2014 11:12 pm

Thanks Athensgreece

Understand your concerns :)
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby ladyarcher » Wed May 28, 2014 10:29 pm

Well A.R. I have to say that I share your misgivings about these postings........what is the agenda do you think .......anyone who suggests that adoptees/b.parents simply set to one side their emotions and work on facts, surely has very little perception of how searches and results, or lack of them will affect people..........and that even the idea of starting on a search will bring untold unexpected emotions to the fore.......I am preaching to the converted of course, as none of us who post on here will need telling about emotions.......one would also be a little more sanguine of Tracehopeuk if they managed to get your board name right......

and whilst we are about it, who are the 'we' and 'us' to whom TraceHUK refer in his/her/their posts....... the posts still give me the impression that they are on the way to setting up some sort of search agency.........now there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to do this per se, but it must be done with more knowledge than they appear to have, and also should be admitted to up front......also, importantly and preferably there should be personal experience of adoption from either an adoptee, or a b.parent's point of view, somewhere along the line......adoption is not mere genealogy ......

So, ......sorry Tracehopeuk......... your motives may mean well, but you do not appear to be in quite the same ball park as the rest of us yet......I suggest that you spend a long time reading many of the threads on here....... a lot of people on this board have a great deal of personal experience in the ways and wiles of authorities, and how to circumnavigate them, and we are all very willing and able to share our experiences with anyone who posts, offering help to those just starting out, and to those who hit brick walls along the way........ there is also total emotional support for each other whatever is needed and whenever it is needed......that's one of the very good things about this board.......there is always someone awake and 'listening'......we do not keep 'office hours' .....

Good luck to your efforts to learn more about adoption, in all its aspects, but remember that there is no substitute for first hand experience..

LA
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Re: 3 Steps to bring your closer to locating birth parent.

Postby tracehopeuk » Sat May 31, 2014 12:54 am

Thanks LadyArcher for your post reply.

You are free to have your own opinions and you are both doing a good job on this forum.

This is my opinion.

Remember, comfort is good, and it's really needed, but the number 1 outcome is successful location and a method that is well thought to ensure they don't just give up after years of wasted effort. What you are doing, even though its with sincerity, is pushing away the ones who could have really helped or wanted to help.
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