How to increase chances of finding someone

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How to increase chances of finding someone

Postby tracehopeuk » Fri May 23, 2014 2:36 pm

When it comes to finding a person you have lost touch with, or need to find them even if you haven’t met them, then if you follow the tips below you should be able to at least get closer to success.

Don’t just jump in to it and hope you will find them. Plan and prepare beforehand. When it comes to information more is better.

Remember the person is out there somewhere. You just need to have the right clues to find them.

Change your mindset so that your intention should be to get that one step closer.

Tip 1 – Information you already have. Verify if it is 100% accurate including the spellings. Don’t focus on inaccurate or unverified information.

Tip 2 – Gather information. Get as much as you can get relating to their family, friends and employment.

Tip 3 – Ask for help and advice from people who have done this before. It will save you time, effort and money. They will try to point you in the right direction.

Just a few days ago we told the person we were helping that the friend she was trying to find did not want to get back in touch. This was over the phone and could feel her pain, but she also showed some joy. Why? It was because she could now put the matter to rest and get closure. “He doesn’t want to be in touch? That’s fine” Now she can move on without thinking does he want to be in touch?

I hope you found this article interesting. This is my first article.
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Re: How to increase chances of finding someone

Postby ladyarcher » Fri May 23, 2014 4:41 pm

Hello 'Tracehopeuk' ........ what your 'tips' state, although rather simplistic, are quite sensible, but not really quite applicable to adoptees who are tracing their b.parent(s), nor to birth mothers who would dearly love to be able to reconnect with a baby they were co-erced into relinquishing, and who is now an adult with views, feelings, and agendas of their own...

...looking for a 'long lost friend' is not the same thing at all......and the sort of 'instant' closure, that you refer to in your post is not at all the same sort of 'closure' that could be experienced by adoptees and their birth parents, because there is so much more emotion and history in the relationship.... and the relationship is not confined to just the adoptee and birth parent, it also encompasses waves of extended family in the form of subsequent husband or wife, and subsequent children, i.e. half siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents... you can see that just 'finding someone' is barely the start of the story.......

Maybe you actually know all this, and have experience of it, and I am being harsh.......but your post feels naive, I am sorry if I am misjudging you......your three tips are of course sensible...... but really don't even touch the tip of the iceburg for the sort of search that adoptees embark upon...

tip 1......verify your facts ...... adoptees rarely have much in the way of facts, this is because adoption is still veiled in secrecy, and even going through official channels facts are very difficult to gain access to.....for birth parents, facts are even fewer, because they still have little in the way of 'rights' to any information.

tip 2...... well, there is not going to be any information about friends or family, because adoptees usually have to start from a base of nothing at all, or at most something that some social worker might have said to their adopting parents around forty or fifty years ago....usually along the lines of perhaps saying that the birth mother was very young, and 'couldn't cope'......... not very enlightening....

....for birth mothers who are hoping to find a child, the information about the adopting parents will have been limited to 'they are very nice....... well off........ go to Church........ can give your son/daughter a good life.......

tip 3 ...... asking for advice and help from people who have done this before........ that is probably your most useful tip, but the problem is that in peoples' daily lives they rarely know anyone amongst their friends and acquaintances who has that sort of information.......and when talking to their friends they will find a blank lack of understanding as to why an adoptee should want to find a birth parent....also, in many cases with older adoptees, their other 'relatives' may well not even know that they were adopted ......

...hopefully, now the internet exists, more and more adoptees, and birth parents will find their way to forums such as this, where so much experience can be found about searches and reunions and the emotions that arrive from nowhere to swamp people and engulf them at what, on the surface, and to other people, should be happy times.....on top of this, those who do manage to get anywhere with the authorities, the waiting time is usually rather long, weeks before an appointment, months before any results, little in the way of emotional support or counselling, and long waits for this too.....for those of us whose searches pre-dated the internet, the way was long and hard, and for many, sadly, not successful, or too late.......

Again, sorry if I am being harsh

born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who died young, but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so when I made contact with them in Canada they were not shocked......five years ago, after a forty year search, I finally found my full sister.....I had found out about her when I was 25......she had no idea that she had a full sister.....
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Re: How to increase chances of finding someone

Postby tracehopeuk » Mon May 26, 2014 1:40 pm

Hi LadyArcher,

Thanks so much for your feedback. Read this many times over.

Please permit me to write one more article as what you say is so correct.
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