Should I find my birth mother?

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Should I find my birth mother?

Postby phil450062 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:09 pm

Hi, I'm new to this site and apologies if I break any rules.

I have recently obtained my adoption file more out of curiosity, since having children of my own, than anything else. I have had a fantastic adoption, if that's the right terminology, and have known I was adopted since I can remember.

I have obtained the file without mentioning it to my adoptive parents. I wanted to look at the file and have a think before proceeding, without causing unnecessary heart ache and stress. The file was really interesting and contained lots of information, and was far more informative than I thought it would be. After some basic googleing I have identified that my birth mother is in a town not too far away, though I have no specifics, but everything suggests that if I did want to find her, then it would be really straight forward. I know that she married and currently has children for example.

I am looking for some advice or to have a discussion about whether I should proceed to find her and maybe start a dialogue. I am 35 now and I want to try, but I cant figure out whether I should. Do I have the right to interrupt her life, she may not have told her current family etc.

This is a bit new to me so some advice and experiences would be well received.

Phil
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Re: Should I find my birth mother?

Postby sylvie » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:56 pm

Do I have the right to interrupt her life



I had the same thought about my son, who I gave up for adoption when I was 16 (around thirty years ago).

If we had both thought the same, we would never have come back into each other's lives.
Since we have, we both say these have been our happiest years. It may not be true for you, but it was for us.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best.
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
sylvie
 
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Re: Should I find my birth mother?

Postby sylvie » Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:03 pm

Two other things come to mind...

You might get more answers if you repost your original question onto the adopted people's section - more people might see it there and respond.

In my own view, the relationship that began and grew between myself and my son was very private and personal to us, and we needed time to explore who we were to each other, and to get to know each other, without any imput or influence from anyone else (trusted - and neutral - advisers excepted). It is a profound relationship but adoption has made it fragile, and it needs time and care to grow in strength. Just my two-pennyworth.
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
sylvie
 
Posts: 308
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:39 pm

Re: Should I find my birth mother?

Postby phil450062 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:24 pm

Thanks for sharing the comments,
I am not sure what I expect, but even sending a letter could cause people heartache. Obviously yours has been a positive experience, which is nice to see.

I thought this was the right forum - "searching", I will re-post in the other section

Many thanks
phil450062
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Oct 12, 2013 9:42 am

Re: Should I find my birth mother?

Postby phil450062 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:28 pm

****Now re-posted in the adopted peoples section****
phil450062
 
Posts: 7
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Re: Should I find my birth mother?

Postby sylvie » Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:14 pm

It wasn't the wrong forum, I just thought you might get more replies on the other one. :)
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
sylvie
 
Posts: 308
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:39 pm


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