Seeking advice...

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Seeking advice...

Postby tfjuk » Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:14 pm

Last year I began to search for my BM and received useful hep from others..thankyou.
I learnt a lot from receiving my adoption file from social services and I began searching online to see what I could find.
To be honest, not a lot after using common sites like Genes reunitd,friends reunit..etc.
I can find no real lead on weather my BM married though I do know she is still alive. It seems it can get very costly sending off for marriage cert then finding it couldn't possibly be the right person.
Maybe im not searching in the right place or the right way so I would be very grateful for any guidance
Thanks
tfjuk
 
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Re: Seeking advice...

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:08 pm

Hello Tfj.......and welcome back

Yes, searching can get expensive.......but doing it yourself is still going to be a lot cheaper than employing a professional searcher to do it.......I am not a member of Genes R. any more...... when I was it was on the cheapest membership, but I was able to exchange messages with other members.......I don't know if it all still works like that............if it does, I was able to message other people who had the fancy expensive membership packages and many of them were extremely good, and quick, at finding their way round records.........this meant that I was able to find people simply by sending a private message ....... for example I was trying to find a friend whom I knew had married more than once, and on giving my friend's maiden name and first married name, a searcher was able to give me all three of her marriages and the area in which she lived now....so my friend and I were reunited.......another search involved my b.mother, in that there was a gap in her children, where she might have had another child, i.e. another half sibling to me..........the lady on GR was able to tell me all of my b.mother's children, and their dates of birth etc........this included the three 'halves' that were older than I, myself and my full sister, and three younger halves, one of which I had not known about.......and that there was not a child in the eighteen month gap in her childbearing........

Possibly GR is different now, they have changed somewhat in the last couple of years, but it might be worth taking out the basic membership so you can message people.........

Friends R, has sadly changed so much that it is pretty much incomprehensible now.........it used to be nice and simple to use ......but has got far too tricksy....

I am assuming that you have left a message on the Government Adoption Contact Register......not ruinously expensive, and worth it as you message stays there forever in case at some point in the future either your b.mother, or possibly later siblings who find out about you, do a search.......

If it is not too far away, you could go to Kew, and search the records yourself.......very time consuming of course........

If your file gave you any help with towns or even counties, where your b.mother had been, then it is worth putting messages in the 'personal' columns of local papers, just asking if anyone remembers her.........people often don't stray far from where they started, and also often go back to places as well.....

Not sure of your age, but add on around twenty years to get your b.mother's age, and if she is quite old, it may well be that she does not use the internet.......not everyone does ....... and even among younger 'grown ups' a lot of people do not use FBook........I had left messages all over the internet when looking for my full sister.......I had used the internet myself for about 15 years ....... at the point that I found her, she was 64 and had never used a computer at all.......so had never seen any of my messages......in fact, as she did not know her birth name, even if she had seen them, it would have meant nothing to her.......I found her in the end because she did decide to search when she was 64, and as soon as the Soc.Worker started looking for her file, the message that I had put on the Govt. Adoption Contact site fifteen years earlier, flagged up.......so that Soc.Wkr. did not have to do much work.......

Good luck, and keep coming back here for any other help/information we can give you....

LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946
ladyarcher
 
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Re: Seeking advice...

Postby tfjuk » Fri Sep 13, 2013 6:44 am

Hi Ladyarcher and thanks for your response. Regarding the government adoption contact list, I listed on there and it came back that no one was searching for me,bit disappointed.
I use GenesR mostly I have basic membership so can only search n view records.I am finding more info v slowly,last night I found my BM mothers dob and then found that she had sadly passed away 4 yrs after I was born,my BM would have been only 22 when her mum died..sad.
My BM does have a contact thing under her maiden name on GenesRe which is confusing..do I send message, has she put herself on there for me to find her??
I know where my BM and her parents lived at the time of my birth and her mothers death was documented in the same area but I cannot find any marriages that match.
I will take up your advice and see if anyone on GenesRE can help
Many thnks
tfjuk
 
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Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:23 pm

Re: Seeking advice...

Postby Turtle » Fri Sep 13, 2013 11:35 am

Hi tfjuk.

Does your birth mother have a really common name, is that the problem with searching? I have been researching my BF's side of the family and that has been a nightmare as he had a common name and then married someone with a common name. I have certainly been down the route of buying documents that turned out to be not the people I was looking for.

I am a member of both Ancestry and Find my past and would be happy to look on both of those sites for you if that helps. Obviously I would need as much information as you can supply so that I could have a good dig around. There may even be an Ancestry tree that links to your family. If you would like me to do this, please PM me.
Turtle
 
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Re: Seeking advice...

Postby tfjuk » Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:58 pm

Hi Turtle,thanks v much for responding and offering to do a bit of searching,that really would be great..thanks.
The information I have and know for fact are as follows, My BM name is Carole Anne Pinfold, born 1951 in Wandsworth London. Her mothers maiden name is/was Sheila Mary Rivett and BM fathers first name is/was George Pinfold.
I know they lived in Letchworth,i was born in Hitchin 1969.
My BM's father worked at Letchworth town hall and the family lived there in the caretakers residence. As said Ive found by searching that my Bm's mother died 1974 in Hitchin, wether they stayed in Herts I do not know.
I haven't found any record that my BM married,i sent off for 2 marriage records but both turned out to be false alarms.
If you need any other information pls let me know and again thankyou
tfjuk
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:23 pm

Re: Seeking advice...

Postby Turtle » Sat Sep 14, 2013 10:01 am

I have had a good look on line and have lots of information, that for privacy reasons, I will PM you.
Turtle
 
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