search birth family

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search birth family

Postby chronos42 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 7:19 pm

I was adopted in 1971, I was put in the care of foster parents at 10 days old, My adopted parents had the names of my bm and bf so did a search on ancestory .com and found her My BM was 18 when I was born( I was actually born on her 18th birthday). On searching further I found that she died in 2005, and I have at least 1 half brother who I have found on facebook but have not yet contacted. I ordered my birth certificate, and my bm didnt registar my birth till 6 weeks after I was born, I would have been in foster care by then, seems a bit strange. I have got hold of the local authority who should have by adoption records so hopefully I may get some answers. Any one got any suggestions on how I should proceed, would my half brother know of me.? As my birthday is the same as my Bm, I was wondering if she thought of me on her birthday, something I will never know for sure
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Re: search birth family

Postby Donotunderstand » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:27 pm

Hi Chronos,

Welcome to the forum. Birth mum of our adopted daughter was reluctant to register her birth - I think perhaps because she couldn't accept that baby was removed from her care at 3 days old. I hope you get some answers when you see your adoption records.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
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Re: search birth family

Postby Jackb72 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:56 pm

Hi Chronos

Your local auth will put you in touch with an agency and you will have to have meeting with a councellor to discuss your adoption, file and the process that needs to be followed to obtain your adoption file. The reason for an intermediary agency is that all children adopted pre nov 1975 have to go through this by law.

Kind regards
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Re: search birth family

Postby Turtle » Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:01 am

Hi Chronos.

You were very lucky that your a.parents knew the names of both your b.parents. That gives you a real advantage. I only know my b.mother's name and am hoping to find my b.father's name in my adoption files, which I am currently applying for.

Good luck with the local authority. One thing they will teach you is patience. They are not known for their speed. I wasn't sure whether to apply for my files or not, but having talked to people on here, there seem to be a real advantage in doing so, so I went ahead.

Your half brother may or may not know of you. It depends how much of a secret you were. There are lots of people on here who have approached birth family members so I am sure they will give you some good advice on how to proceed.
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Re: search birth family

Postby ladyarcher » Wed Jun 05, 2013 5:24 pm

Hi Chronos, and welcome......... I am sorry that you have found that your b.mother has died, she was not very will, as you say, mean there are going to be unanswered questions........did she marry and have your half bro......if she did it is a good reason for finding out a good deal more before you think of contacting may be that your half bro. was told about may be not.......if she married, then the same applies, she may well not have told her husband that she had a baby before, or she may have told him......either way it would be best not to rush in too your a.parents have your b.parents names, do/did they have any other information.......such as was your b.mother perhaps about to enter or at college or university.......did she and your b.father really want to keep you, or was it impossible and they had no support from their parents.......have you checked to see if your grandparents are still alive........if so, that might be a good place to start ...... 1971 is not so far away from the 'swinging sixties' but in point of fact there was not a great change in peoples' feelings about the social stigma attached to a family if the daughter was an unmarried mother, so it might be that your grandparents were unhappy about their daughter having a baby so young and unsupported possibly not finished her education..and so encouraged the say you know your b.father's name too, so the same may apply in perhaps finding his parents......... at least it would give you some idea as to what sort of life your b.mother had......and it is possible that either set wondered what happened to their grandson.....

I think you should be very careful about contacting your half is not long since he lost his mother, and could be a considerable shock to him.......your grandparents, if they are still alive, might well know what the situation was.........

Have you looked on the Govt. Adoption Contact Register, in case your b.mother knew about you and left a message on it.......this register is not very well publicised, so a lot of people have never heard of is simply a 'sleeper' in that you leave a message on it, and if the person you are looking for is on it, or posts on it, then the link is made and whatever form of contact that has been specified can take place......this was how I eventually found my full sister......having searched for her for forty years........I had left a message on the register soon after it started, and fifteen years later, when my sister decided to search, my message pinged up, and we were linked......very happily I would add......but that's another story......

Not registering until six weeks on from the birth is not unusual.......not sure of the exact timing, but I think that possibly six weeks is the longest you can leave it.........I think that this was originally set as a time because so many children died soon after birth......if they got past six weeks then they had a bit more of a chance.......and as DonotU posted, some b.mothers left it a long time for various reasons......perhaps hoping that the father would step in, etc.....and other reasons.........

Good luck, and keep coming back here for help and will always find it.....

born 1944 - adopted 1946
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Re: search birth family

Postby julie2009 » Thu Jun 06, 2013 1:36 pm

Hi Chronos

I too was adopted in 1971 but I was adopted 3 months later to the most wonderful set of parents. I don't think my mum would have any details about my birth relatives with the exception of my birth name. She always had the desire to go to the town where my BM was from and I got it into my head this must have been why but I later discovered her father's relatives were from this particular town.
My BM died in 1987 and she was 25 when I was born. I discovered she married a different person the following year and had a daughter shortly afterwards and then another two. I made contact with her sister and she said she was very reluctant that the person who was helping me in my research knew of the family well and was in the process of approaching my BM husband. Her sister said as far as she knew her husband knew nothing about me same as her children but did say her sister was never the same person after she made the decision to give me up for adoption.

Like you I looked on Facebook as I have her children's names but couldn't find anything about them. I even tried Friends Reunited to see if I could trace them as school friends but nothing.

As for wondering did your BM think about you on your birthday according to my BM sister she always did. How could any woman who had to make a decision like that ever forget such an important date. I think it would be engaged in their heads forever.
It might be best in your favour if you contacted an older relative of your BM someone who would have known about you possibly a sister or brother but it can be hard trying to locate these people. It was only through the person I mentioned earlier in my post that I discovered my BM had a sister but my BM sister keeps saying she has never heard of that same person and it was also through the same person I discovered she had died at the age of 41.

I would wait until you receive your adoption papers and then decide which way to proceed.

Good luck

Julie xx
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