Why does it take so long to trace?

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Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby o'neil » Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:27 am

I want to get other peoples take on this.
I placed my sons birth certificate, adoption certificate, and even contacted the adoption agency I used at the time of the adoption (to ensure they could provide the last known address) with the organisation I am using to trace my son. I did all of this in Feb. I read their ofsted report, I paid the fee, and since then its been like getting blood out of a stone. They never reply to e-mails and make me feel uncomfortable if I phone. Am I being as 'impatient' as they say? I was told in July that they had my sons adopted name and I could expect some news by mid August. When I contacted them in September I felt as if I was nagging them. They informed me that they had had no news, and that the person dealing with my file would be going on holiday for a month. She won't be back in the office until Mid October. Am I missing something? If you have the name and the address of the placement surely it doesn't take 3 months? Somebody enlighten me.
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Re: Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby ladyarcher » Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:14 am

Often people do not complain about 'bad service' because they fear that this will make the so called 'service' even worse..... i.e. create bad feeling and lead to further obstruction.....

...personally, in your case I would send Offsted a letter and record of your dealings with the organisation to which you have paid good money........ probably partly your reason for the choice of that organisation being that it had a good report from Offsted........ as a good report from them could well be taken as a recommendation. I would think that they should/would do a bit of poking with a sharp stick metaphorically speaking........ also send a copy of what you sent to Offsted, to the organisation involved.........you don't name the organisation in your post, but perhaps you should to warn others on this board of what they might expect.........

On occasions when we have had problems my husband has always taken this route as it seems to get results for merely the price of a couple of stamps and a bit of time doing copies of things....... twice, once on our own behalf and once on our daughter's behalf, he has written to the Deposit Protection Service and reclaimed money that should not have been with-held....... in our own case we had taken a six month winter let in another part of the country that is a high profile tourist area.........the winter let was in a holiday cottage and so a letter also went to the local Tourist board because of the landlord's attitude........ in our daughter's case, it turned out that the landlords had illegally kept the deposit themselves, instead of passing it to the Deposit Protection Service......

.........Nothing to do with adoption I know, but in your case you have the Offsted route, and also, given the current business about adoption reform, a set of the same papers could quite usefully go to your MP I would have thought.......and to the committee for the reform....... even to the Prime Minister, as that is where the 'buck is supposed to stop..........it really is time that adoptees stopped being messed about by authorities, and ripped off by agencies......

LA
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Re: Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby o'neil » Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:42 pm

I have to give up.
The agency tell me that, after 12 months, they have not been able to trace my son. They could only write to his adopted parents and hope they post it to him. Apparently he has a common name. It would mean approaching to many people.
I have to accept I will never see him again.
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Re: Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby ladyarcher » Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:53 pm

Why is it up to them to decide how many is 'too many' they have taken your money under false pretences...........I think your next move should be to attempt the Local Authority route........it will still take you ages of course, probably at least another year, but in some ways they ought to be able to move faster as they should be able to access whatever information this Agency you used has found already.......I am assuming that they have not told you this common name that they find too difficult to follow up....

If they are able to write to his adoptive parents, they must know at least where they are........ have they done this .........for confidentiality they should have simply written to him in a sealed envelope with 'please forward' on it, as he is over 18 and he is not obliged to tell his adoptive parents what he is doing or who is contacting him.......they should not have written to the adoptive parents direct, if this is what they have done.........I think you need to ask them a few more questions..........

....actually, with the internet, and access to electoral rolls, and many other snippets, following up any name is not that hard, particularly a man's name, as at least he does not change it on marriage.......if he has applied for a passport ever, this would flag up as if you are adopted you have to jump through all manner of hoops in order to get a passport.... I had to take my adoption certificates, my first marriage and the divorce from that, and my second marriage proofs, and also proof that my adoptive father was British born........luckily I had birth and marriage certificates for him and also his RAF record from the war, and a family Bible for his family dating back to the late 1700s.....I staggered into the passport office with all this stuff, the Bible was very heavy as you can imagine.......

Are you on the Government contact register......

Have you put his birth name on Genes Reunited, in case he has found out his name and would recognise it on there.......

Do you have a recent copy of your son's birth cert in his birth name......not the one you would have had at his birth, but one you have sent for recently that will have the word 'adopted' written on it, with the name of a registrar attesting to the adoption.............there are other ways and means, so don't give up hope.........

A lot of people have never heard of Norcap, nor have they heard of the Adoption Contact Register......the Register is rarely advertised, I only came across it by accident years ago around the time it started........I put my messages on it, and three years ago my full sister thought she would look for her roots - at aged 64 - and my message was still sitting there waiting for her.....it had been waiting for fifteen years........

Send me a private message if you want to, with your son's b.name, date of birth, your name and where you were living at the time, and the hospital or nursing home where he was born........I cannot stand anyone saying 'it's not possible......'

LA.........
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Re: Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby julie2009 » Wed Feb 22, 2012 3:55 pm

Hi O'Neil - as LA has already said if you son is over the age of 18 he can trace you if he wishes. I don't have much faith in social workers (my own personal opinion) while others do.
What about some detective work of your own if you knew his name and the town where he lives. You can check Genes Reunited and a few others but bear in mind some of them do charge a fee.
Don't give up hope for now. You may discover later that your son is possibly searching for you. You will find on the adoptees section of this forum that 40 is the average age when people start to research their backgrounds.
Why don't you leave your own details on the Norcap register (they may charge a fee).

Please let us know how you get on - thinking of you from an adoptees perspective

Take care

Julie xx
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Re: Why does it take so long to trace?

Postby skyebluepink » Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:37 pm

I agree with LA and Julie - you musn't give up hope of seeing him. Get yourself on the contact registers. I actually found my bm on an unofficial online register http://www.ukbirth-adoptionregister.com/ and I know there are other registers out there as well as the official ones. Make sure that you keep your details updated if you move house etc - make it as easy as possible for him to contact you if he ever decides to trace you. I know that once I knew my bm was looking for me, it took a lot of the fear out of the search: the 'finding' part was already done for me, and I knew she wanted to contact me. Other than that, it may unfortunately be a case of biding your time and wait for him to come to you. My bm always said she would have gone no further than the contact register because she didn't want to intrude on my life. Whilst I would have welcomed her, there are undoubtedly some adoptees who may wish to have no contact and might not appreciate being 'tracked down'. Hopefully this will not be the case with your son and that you won't be having to wait too long.

I would agree with LA about contacting Ofsted though - if they are going to be taking people's money, then they should be providing the service they promise. They are dealing with people's feelings and hopes and need to be as ethical as possible in their dealings.
Come and read my random musings at www.skyebluepink.com
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