birth parents

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birth parents

Postby heather » Thu Mar 17, 2005 2:13 pm

i am 17 and i am wanting to start looking for my birth parents as soon as i am 18!! does any one know where i need to start??
please write back

heather :? :?
heather
 

Postby Hector » Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:47 am

Hi Heather
Have you looked at the Norcap website - www.norcap.org.uk
that may give you some food for thought. I am an adoptee and a teenager but have always had contact with my birth family. I have been really lucky to have my adoptive parents complete support every step of the way but even so it has been really really so difficult sometimes just dealing with all the emotions - sometimes I have been so angry,hurt and sad and dumped this on people closest to me or on myself!!! I don't think I would have coped at all were it not for my adoptive mum who has been so rock solid despite everything I have chucked her way.
It is not an easy journey to make and you do need to take your time and make sure you have lots of solid support to see you through the tough parts. Also think about what you are expecting from your search???? You may not get what you are hoping for. Ask yourself why you are wanting to search now???? I hope that those closest to you will support you in your search when you are ready - remember they maybe worrying that you will get hurt by searching so they need some support too so if you can be open with them - it may help you all.
Good luck on your journey - hope you find what you are looking for!
Be happy.
Hector
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:15 pm

Postby Ben » Fri Mar 18, 2005 2:50 pm

This is a really big step to do on your own hopefully you will have some support either from your parents or social worker. Maybe start to think what you really want out of finding your b/f, and try to be very honest with youself from the very beggining as to your needs and just how much of you, you are willing to give. Aslo try not to expect too much from your b/f, peoples lifes move on, and circumstances change in peoples lifes. I found my birth father, he wasnt much of a person. But out of the reunion I met a fantastic aunty and uncle and cousins. One cousin in particular, we are very much alike, and it is that alikeness that struck me. Growing up in a white environment, there was no one who looked like me, when I met my cousins, they are also mixed race, everything slot into place. Hopefully you will find what you are looking for and what you need. :lol:
Ben
 

Postby sooze » Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:42 pm

Hi Heather

I am searching for my birth mother and I have found friends reunited really good. I manged to find some good info that led to me finding out that she is married and I have a younger brother. It also gave me addresses to use.

Good luck in your hunt

Susie
sooze
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:35 pm
Location: Exeter UK

Advice

Postby John » Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:04 pm

Hi Heather ,

Can i offer a word of advice that even if you find your birth parents , do not rush into contact take your time.And from personal experience try and get a 3rd party to help you in your search they will be able to offer support ,professional advice .Especially in eventually contact ?

Even if it's just a friend to act as 3rd party ?

Talk Adoption people are very helful and kind, if you ring the helpline they will be really helpful .

Best Wishes
John.
John
 

also .....

Postby John » Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:15 pm

can i just add that i don't the circumstances of indiviual cases .... but this whole issue is highly sensitive for everyone involved - friends reunited may give address but i would use EXTREME caution in contacting 'out of the blue'.As the the person may feel threatened , frightened etc .Of course if the person is looking for you then that's fine but no one can know personal circumstances of who they are contacting.If they have told the people they live with etc.I have talked to adoption professionals and if felt contact should be made it would be better to not include specifics , just a date - to put out the 'feelers' .It is extremely dangerous and you may get hurt , many may disagree with my thoughts but i feel very strongly about this .So forgive me.
i am just saying this was the issue i came across and it is worth considering :?

John
John
 

Postby Guest » Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:55 pm

I'm a bmum in reunion so firstly good luck with your search but I would also advise caution when you do eventually find your bparents - using an intermediary is a good idea. My bson searched for me for 5 years but I found him by accident through Genes Reunited which is part of Friends Reunited as he had put my details on that (GR). Subsequently I contacted him first without thinking but in hindsight I wish I had approached reunion in a different way. It was hard in the early days as I was totally unprepared for reunion but we muddled through and we do have a good reunion now :D .
Guest
 


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