Damaged by adoption?

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Damaged by adoption?

Postby Hector » Thu Mar 09, 2006 4:52 pm

Remember, your sister may be damaged by adoption; she may be "shut down" to what is her natural right...to be loved and cared for by her own -

I didn't want to interrupt the thread under 1st Contact - but was quite upset to read this comment although it was probably one of those accidental sweeping generalisations so common on these boards - just wanted to "flag" that not all of us on these boards have been "damaged" by adoption nor "loved and cared for by our own" - maybe I am delusional or in the minority but it is just my experience although I know others of my age group that feel the same because they missed out on their "natural rights" for one reason or another but adoption wasn't the reason and doesn't have to be a bad thing for an individual. Sometimes "adoption" can be almost a dirty word and something to be ashamed of - for some it can actually be a good thing despite the heartache of being separated from siblings. Losing the opportunity for a close relationship with several other siblings has also been the price of losing my "natural rights" despite frequent contact with them - it wasn't adoption that caused this - there were other factors.

I know and respect the fact that others have had very different experiences and strong feelings but as a young adoptee this is just my view on the comment.
Hector
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:15 pm

Postby elly » Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:48 pm

Hi Hector

I'm with you on this one.

Yes I did miss out on all the things that go with growing up with blood relatives (which I have now been given the opportunity to put right), but my upbringing was nothing short of normal

I have 2 adopted brothers... we fought like any other siblings.

My adopted parents divorced... nothing unusual about that

As adults my brothers & I have little contact but are always there for each other... again nothing strange there

I never ever felt abandoned, unloved or unwanted

How we behave or feel as adults is far more complex than using the "I was adopted" card.

I often feel guilty that I am a well balanced person, have a stable marriage (18 years) 2 girls of my own who have never given me any trouble, and now been reunited with my natural mum - But I can't be the only one..

Elly
Re-United with Natural Mum 23rd Oct 2004
elly
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 7:55 pm

Postby Josie » Thu Mar 09, 2006 7:24 pm

Remember, your sister may be damaged by adoption; she [b may [/b]be "shut down" to what is her natural right...to be loved and cared for by her own


I'm sorry if this sentence made you feel uncomfortable Hector - as you can see the word "may" perhaps qualifies the meaning; in that certainly it is not a generalisation.
It is just a possibility - hence "may".

Perhaps it would be more meaningful if we said " your sister's sense of connection with you, her natural brother MAY be damaged by adoption....

Cheers
Josie
Josie
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 10:14 am

Postby elly » Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:04 pm

Hey guys, I'm not getting into a row over this one, but just to say I now have a 1/2 brother & sister I never knew existed & I'm absolutely thrilled!

No we don't have a past together, but we do have a future.......

Horses for courses I suppose :)

Elly
Re-United with Natural Mum 23rd Oct 2004
elly
 
Posts: 251
Joined: Sun Feb 06, 2005 7:55 pm

Postby Guest » Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:45 am

hi ,,, i just hope that stephen replys to a/a letter and gives me the chance to explain things to him (as best as i can that is)and i,d love nothing more than to have my baby brother in my life again and try and build some kind of relashionship with or with out my mum ,,,
has anyone been adopted who feels angry with their birth mum but have gone on to have contact with their siblings,,
now that things are movin faster i,m gettin more and more scared of rejection from him ,, am i being selfish feeling he,s needs to at least give me a chance i,m not my mum it wasnt my fault he had to be adopted it was just the horrible circumstances we where in at the time ,,,,
maybe being adopted has been damaging to him , i dont know what sort of life he,s had ,, bad things happen in adopted familys as well as natrual familys ,, but some people have a very good and loving life with adopted familys as well, lets hope he,s in that catorgory,,,,i also think familys need to be as open and as honest as they can be when each other when asking questions coss if they just keep gettin half answers like i,v had all my life yeh tend to imagine all sorts of things good and bad,,and believe me it really mess,s with yeh mind not know the truth and needing to know but no one will be honest with yeh ,,,

luv julie xx
Guest
 

Postby Josie » Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:20 pm

i,m gettin more and more scared of rejection from him ,, am i being selfish feeling he,s needs to at least give me a chance

Julie, there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING selfish about any natural relative, be they sibling or Mother wanting to be with their own flesh and blood; provided the motive is out of love and family affection...and not some weird motive like wanting their money (LOL) or just wanting to use them for personal gain.

Siblings are usually very, very happy to reunite; but sometimes, and only sometimes they may hold back because of internal family issues.
You know?
Josie
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2005 10:14 am


Return to Young People

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron