Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

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Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby ali86 » Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:34 pm

Hi my name is Ali, im new to this forum so hello everyone and its been a pleasure reading your stories, lovely to be surrounded by people who know how it feels to be adopted.

My story so far,

I have two daughters one is 5 next week and the other nearly 5 months, since giving birth to my first daughter it made me think about the circumstances in which I entered this world. I was given up for adoption at birth and placed with my mum and dad at 11 weeks, ive had the most fantastic life and could not of wished for better parents, but curiousity has got the better of me!

I applied for my birth records about a month ago now, they came through the post and I was able to discover my birth name and that of my mother and father, my b.father has an unusual surname, so just out of interest typed it into facebook, well I found him straight away!

The information ive been able to find out from just having his name is immense, hes on literally every social network sight going!
But what I have found has left me completley puzzled.

I was born june 1986, my birth was not registered untill july 86 does this mean anything?

My parents had been together 2years before I was born, my b.m was 26 and my b.f 28
They got engaged in dec 86, just 6 months after my birth!
They have now been married for 24 years and live in south africa with their two children, a son who is 23 and a daughter who is 20.
They seem well off and have thier own guesthouse in South Africa.

I just cant understand why I was given up for adoption? Im 26 now and although i was young when my first daughter was born she has never gone without anything! Infact she is 5 next week and we are taking her to Disneyland for her birthday, my daughters are my life what I live for, I just cant understand why I was given away, they were obviusly in a stable relationship, neither of them were young, he has travelled the world, I wonder if maybe I just got in the way?!

I have so many unanswered questions, I have not tried to contact them at all, i'm waiting to be able to see my adoption file to see if maybe I can gather anymore information from this.

It would be lovely to hear from someone, as I find it hard to know who to talk to too.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my post :)

xxxxx
ali86
 
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:04 pm

Dear Diabloiitems
This is a serious site for people who want to discuss a serious part of their lives, and to get help, experience and advice........it is not the place to advertise shoes, or anything else ...........if you want to advertise shoes etc. do it on e-bay and other such places and pay for it..........or spend your money on renting a high street shop.......or a market stall, or go to car boot sales..........
Please realise that someone who may be hurting will see that you have put up a 'post' on their thread, and may look at your post hoping for some comfort and support........only to be disappointed by your advert.........
I have several times reported your posts to the site moderators, but they do not seem to be able to stop you doing it........please think about who you may be hurting by your unthinking posts.......this is not the place for you........
LA
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby maxi » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:21 pm

The site moderators should be able to ban this person by IP, by email address and by username.
In most cases that will prevent a repeat of the inappropriate postings.

Sadly, these type of posts are frequent on badly managed forums, along with all the other usual dross offering cheap pharmaceuticals and porn, less of a problem on well managed forums, which is only due to the constant vigilance of the moderators.
maxi
 
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:52 pm

If you look on the 'General Discussion about the Forum' bit of the site you will see that there are already over 30 adverts by this person......and how come there is a happy birthday note at the bottom of the board to him/her........I have never seen this sort of thing on AA before.......hope they are not turning into Facebook or similar.........actually, now I think about it, I seem to remember that Genes Reunited or Friends R. did this, or possibly Ancestry or one of those.......I can't now use Friends R. as it has gone totally weird....... but that's another moan..........
LA
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby maxi » Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:48 pm

My goodness, so there are...I never look at that part of the forum!

The Administrators or moderators need to wake up a bit and delete this member, as I whole heartedly agree with what you posted, LA, with regard to the inapporpriate posting. There should be someone checking new posts daily to ensure these kind of posts are not being made on forum, or if they slip through that they are deleted within a very short time and the offending member banned. These kind of posts erode people's confidence when using forums such as this, people who are already fragile and in need of help or support, the very same people the forum was supposedly set up to help! It is not so busy a forum that to check new posts on a damily basis would be a time consuming chore.

Wake up moderators!!!!

I've sent an email too, LA
maxi
 
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby skyebluepink » Sat Aug 18, 2012 11:11 pm

I have also reported many of the posts yet nothing seems to have been done. It's one thing to post inane adverts in a little used part of the forum- most of us can ignore those. But to start posting as replies to genuine posts isn't right and isn't fair. Moderators- please ban this user.
Come and read my random musings at www.skyebluepink.com
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Re: Ive found my bith parents on facebook...confused!!

Postby MD » Tue Aug 21, 2012 12:12 pm

Spammers aside... Hi Ali:-)

>I was born june 1986, my birth was not registered untill july 86 does this mean anything?

This is pretty normal whether adopted or not, so nothing to worry about.

>My parents had been together 2years before I was born, my b.m was 26 and my b.f 28
>They got engaged in dec 86, just 6 months after my birth!
>They have now been married for 24 years and live in south africa with their two children, a son who is 23 and a daughter who is 20.

As I have found out recently, facts in documents and on the internet are not always the whole picture, and sometimes they are just plain wrong. My B.parents (according to my adoption file) where both in their mid-20's and already engaged when they gave me up for adoption. They married 2 years after they gave me up and had more children. It is only in recent weeks that I have learnt that the man who was documented as being my father... isn't. I was the result of an affair, my B.Mothers partner stuck by her, though obviously wasn't willing to bring up another mans child as his own.

Your adoption file may shed some light on the situation but the truth is often more complex than hard facts make it look... the only way to get closer to the truth is to ask the people involved ie. your birth parents. But I would still wait until you get to see your adoption files.

Best of luck:-)

MD
Struggling with small talk since 1969
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