new to the site,comments apreciated :)

Moderator: AfterAdoption

new to the site,comments apreciated :)

Postby abigailannaevans » Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:09 pm

Hello,
I'm new to this site.
I was adopted at 6months, i am now 18 years old.
I have not met my birth mother, i have someinformation on her, and pictures, but am not quite sure if im ready to meet her yet.
The reason for me posting this message is i have no body to speak to reguarding my adoption, and would quite like to speak to people who have experienced the same as myself.
I don't know if the way i feel is normal, or has anything to do with my adoption.
I have been with my patner for four years now, and still worry that he is going to leave me. I'm a very jellous person,i do not like him speaking to other girls. Also i have very low self confidence.
I find it extreamly hard if not impossible to express my feelings in person to people, i have no idea why this is.
Sorry to go on, but would really apreciate it if somebody would respond to this post
Abi xx
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Re: new to the site,comments apreciated :)

Postby jessbow » Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:44 am

Its part of the process, I think. The thinking about, chewing over. I think its actually quite healthy thing to do.
Some people want a third party to search out their birth roots. I think its important that the adoptee themselves does it, taking time to digest info, and think what it means to them, and what they feel about it.
Its up to you what you do when, do what you want when you are ready. Your journey, you set the speed.
x
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Re: new to the site,comments apreciated :)

Postby weestephy » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:35 pm

Hello Abi,
I am also new to this site (although I joined last year or so.) but I too, joined for similar reasons. To see whether if any other adoptees were going through similar situations like myself.
I was adopted at the age of 7 years (late adoption) and I am now 19 years old.
I have had contact with my BM but not ever since me and my siblings were taken from her when I was around 4.
I sometimes feel I don't really have anyone to talk to, as I am not in direct contact with anyone in a similar situation to myself. So I often find that people can find it quite hard to comprehend with. I think I have had in a sense, a similar experience to you. We're at similar ages and I too, from what you have described about the jealousy and the low confidence aspects have experienced similar. Although I don't think it is wholly to do with being adopted I do think, that our experience of loss at a deep form can pose some issues regarding getting close to someone and feeling that at any point they may not be there/or want you any more? Do you get these feelings?
I hope that since you made this post, that your confidence has developed a bit and you're beginning to make more sense of things.
In regards to confidence, I actually saw a therapist who was part of the After Adoption team and found her very helpful. I used to find it awfully hard to talk to people about things but eventually became very comfortable with talking to her about my adoption.

Feel free to contact me at any time, it would also be nice to be able to talk to someone about it all.

Stephy xx
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Re: new to the site,comments apreciated :)

Postby ladyarcher » Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:55 pm

Hi Weestephy, and welcome........I think that it is possibly more difficult for you younger people than us older ones, as everything is supposed to be 'cool' and although everything is supposed to be so open now, actually deeper feelings are not talked about any more than they were 50, or even 20 years ago.....we older ones were brought up with the various sayings such as 'just get on with it' ' there are people far worse off than you' ' stiff upper lip' 'don't wash your dirty linen in public' .......and worst of all, I think, 'you should be grateful'........ which completely ruled out any feelings about loss and grieving for the family you might have had....

....I was taken away at about 20 months, so I can't remember living with my b.mother, birth father, and brother and sisters, except for a feeling of loneliness in being brought up as an 'only' after starting off with three older half siblings,.......and later some anger at discovering I had a full sister just over a year younger than I, and we could have been kept together......my sister and I were removed when our mother's husband came back from wartime posting to find two more children than he had left behind.........understandably, he did not want us......... our b.father did want us, but the authorities at the time would not let him have us.........

.....You say that you and your siblings were taken from your b.mother when you yourself were only four years old........and that you have no-one to talk about your feelings with.......... were you able to be kept in touch with your other siblings, because they presumably are in the same position as you. As you say, the feelings of fear of loss are not exclusive to adoptees, but being adopted does not help.......

LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who died young but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so when I made contact with them in Canada it was not a shock........finally found full sister coming up to three years ago after a forty year search....... I found out about her when I was 25 and looking for my b.mother.........she never had any idea she had a full sister until I found her......
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