hate my mum

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hate my mum

Postby stare12 » Sun May 10, 2009 10:24 pm

Hi i am Chelsea and i am 14 years old. I am new to the website but i also have my story. My mum was 17 when she had me. Her and dad used to argue alot and i would be left crying in a room. i didn't get given the right food a baby needs. a year later my mum had my little brother and my farther left. Me and my brother were small for our age. My mother never took us to the doctors or hospital when we were sick. A few months later my mum took us to her mum's house and said she would be back soon but she never did so after a while my grandmother call social services. then we were put in seperate foster homes for 6months. Finaly we were put in the same care home. At the age of 2 i moved to a family who adopted me. I just don't know wether to blame my mum. I man sometimes i do but others i feel sorry for her. I'm just so confused :? :cry: I hate her though. I was a mistake and i am sorry i wasn't good enough for my mum. My adoption hits me hard evryday when i hear about all my friends happy familys :'( I hope i can make up for it.
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Mon May 11, 2009 12:54 am

The story is common enough. Many people find themselves with young kids that they cannot cope with. They don't normally set out to get themselves into difficulty of course.

At that age she was only 3 years older than you are now. Perhaps try to think about that, and how difficult it can be to bring up a child when so young. I am not making excuses, but there are always two sides to every story.

You say you were a mistake - but in reality, not every pregnancy is planned. Perhaps mistake is the wrong word altogether. Yes, what you describe sounds awful, but chances are that your mum is hurting too, and she has had 12 years to think long and hard over what happened.

I realise it is hard, but try not to sit in judgment. It could be that she wanted to keep you, but simply wasn't equipped to handle the situation. I guess you have to be in that position to know how you would cope or react really.

I cannot comment on your adoptive family, but do you not have a good relationship with them? I realise this isn't the same thing exactly.

Are you in any kind of contact with your birth mother at all? There are some possibilities, even at your age, of some letterbox contact taking place, but this would have to be done with the full agreement of your adoptive family and the agency/SS that dealt with the adoption. If this was possible, perhaps some greater understanding could result.
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Postby stantheman11 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:59 am

Hi
Your mum was very young when you were born,she was only a child herself.There could be lot`s of reasons why.It is understandable that you feel angry inside .I feel that you need to find out the truth,do not read the social services reports,because most of the time the social services write so much rubbish about people,so if you ever do read these reports ,do not believe everything that you read in them.You need to find your birth mum,and find out the truth

REgards stan :wink:
TRACE YOUR BIRTH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

http://www.dadpeter.co.uk
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Postby ladyarcher » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:44 am

Stan - this post was put on nearly a year ago, hopefully things have improved for this young lady.
You have to be a little aware that as well as Social Services having their own agenda, and things not always being quite accurate, that also when a b.mother is found her version of events is not always going to be totally truthful. Most people would prefer that they are thought of well, rather than badly - many on this site have experiences of searches resulting in two different sides of stories, one from soc.serv, and one from b.mother, neither of which is right.
Without wishing to give any offence to the many birth mothers who post on here I have to say Stan, that you cannot make a sweeping generalisation that all Soc.Serv. are 'bad', and all birth mothers are angels. The truth is that there is plenty of good and bad on both sides of the adoption fence in probably pretty equal quantities. The worst thing is that we adoptees are left to cope with trying to find the truth, and what we find is not always how we would like it to be, nor, in many cases, is it going to be the 'truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'.

LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found birth mother 1972 - sadly missed birth father who died young, but who had told his subsequent children about their two English sisters, so it was not a shock when I made contact with them........during search for birth mother when I was 25 I discovered that I had a full sister sixteen months younger than I, who had gone to different adoptive parents. Forty years' search later, last year, I found her.
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Postby stantheman11 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:26 pm

HI ladyarcher
Thankyou far your reply.I agree that some birth mothers should have there children taken off them .But this does not give the social services the right to tell lies,about anybody in court reports .All children should have the right to see there birth family ,even when adopted.You yourself might have had very nice adopted parents. But allot of children suffer years of feeling unloved and unwanted ,as i myself did,until i found out the truth about what the social services did.thy told aload of lies about my birth mum,so that thy could take her children off her,it seems hard to believe ,and shocking ,but it`s true. There is some one on the dadpeter web forum, with the name of ladyarcher,it`s not you is it??

all the best
Stan xxxx :wink:
TRACE YOUR BIRTH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

http://www.dadpeter.co.uk
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Postby ladyarcher » Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:14 pm

That'll be me..........can't get back into the site at the moment as I cannot remember my password etc.........
LA
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