advice on coping with ungrateful / unrespectful young child

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Re: advice on coping with ungrateful / unrespectful young ch

Postby maggi1972 » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:08 pm

westy wrote:hi everyone,

i have a 6yr old adopted girl who has no respect for toys ( broke 2 within a week of xmas day!) i do believe she does not do it out of malious but just has not respect for items and is reallly ungrateful. if you go shopping she thinks everything is for her.

i know i could have much worse problems but it really hurts to think she has a great home and new sister, we are not made of money, and she treats us like this. she also has no remorse for what she has done.

when she first came, almost 12 months ago, we made a huge point NOT to spoil her, we had to buy lots of clothes as she did not have any, but toys she shared with her sister mostly until it was her bithday( 4 months later) and now she has her own things.


if anyone has any advice on managing this or is in a similar position i would like to hear. If things dont change soon she will have a limit of £5 to spend in the pound shop for her birthday!!!!

thanks
westy
x


Sorry as I know this post has run its course, but did you not think before you used the word 'ungrateful' in regards your adopted daughter.
please!
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Re: advice on coping with ungrateful / unrespectful young ch

Postby RobertHafetz » Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:16 pm

maggi1972 wrote:
westy wrote:hi everyone,

i have a 6yr old adopted girl who has no respect for toys ( broke 2 within a week of xmas day!) i do believe she does not do it out of malious but just has not respect for items and is reallly ungrateful. if you go shopping she thinks everything is for her.

i know i could have much worse problems but it really hurts to think she has a great home and new sister, we are not made of money, and she treats us like this. she also has no remorse for what she has done.

when she first came, almost 12 months ago, we made a huge point NOT to spoil her, we had to buy lots of clothes as she did not have any, but toys she shared with her sister mostly until it was her bithday( 4 months later) and now she has her own things.


if anyone has any advice on managing this or is in a similar position i would like to hear. If things dont change soon she will have a limit of £5 to spend in the pound shop for her birthday!!!!

thanks
westy
x

==============================================
Age 6 is an important period in an adoptees growth. There is a very important change ocuring. At that time the childs mind has developed enough to allow a more compleex understanding of what it means to be adopted. They now know that being adopted means being given away. They cant mirror by looking into a parents eyes and seeing familiar genetic markers. They are begining to know they feel isolated dissconnected, and lost. Their new mind is experienceing the memories of their older emotional mind. When a child or inafnt suffers a trauma or a significant event ealry in life, they are unable to apply their new language skills to explain that memory. Imagine that you suffered a trauma perhaps the death of your mother when you were an infant, then when grow old enough to begin to understand it you couldnt put words to it. You might want to break something too. She needs validation, and your permission so she can explore her feelings. Remember no adoptee asked to be separated from their first mother and thats not something that inspires gratitude.
Not Remembered Never Forgotten
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:25 pm

I would agree, but also would state that the thread was started 15 months ago, and I hope desperately that the issues mentioned have been solved by now.
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Postby RobertHafetz » Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:59 am

j-h-g-5 wrote:I would agree, but also would state that the thread was started 15 months ago, and I hope desperately that the issues mentioned have been solved by now.

===============================================People may read responses at anytime and if it helpes what difference oes it make. Issues dont get solved they are explored and like learning that never ends
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:15 pm

The original poster had a difficulty some 15 months ago, which I am not alone in hoping has been solved satisfactorily by now.

Issues for the individual CAN get solved- that is the purpose and idea behind many coming here to post- to seek answers and assistance.

I think what you mean to say is correct in the sense that others can learn from these difficulties and responses given to them by others should they have a similar situation themselves, and that indeed can only be a good thing.
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Postby Diane » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:05 am

For gods sake can somebody remove this filth from this site!!!!! Its about time like John and I have said many times before is anybody looking at who is joining!!!!
Born July 1963 and Reunited January 1995.
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Offensive Posting

Postby steven » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:17 pm

We would like to apologise for the offensive posting in this forum.

The post has been deleted, as has the account it was posted from and we have notified the police.

Thank you to those who brought it to our attention.

Regards

Iain Moore

Business Development and Communications Manager
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