Forced adoption - media coverage

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Postby ladyarcher » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:33 pm

I have to say that I had not thought of people pretending to be adopted - why on earth would they bother. It is a site where the posters are able to remain anonymous, so the pretendee is not going to get face to face sympathy, as they would perhaps when talking to a friend or a Dr. for an 'illness' - of course if you imagine you have an illness, then you are ill, but not with the illness you imagine.........does that make sense.

You would have to be very sick in your mind to want to have sympathy for something that does not exist, from people you do not know, and who do not know you either.............so if anyone is pretending........then they have my sympathy, not for being adopted, but for being that badly in need of some sort of therapy.

I do not intend to offend anyone who truly believes that they might be adopted and is trying to find proof.........that is a different matter altogether.

I would actually agree with you John that adoption is an experience that is going to leave unhealed scars for anyone involved - I wish that it could be banned, and some other form of safe care evolved for those who need it.........it won't happen..........maybe it will gradually disappear as the stigma for unmarried union has pretty much disappeared now. It is still more convenient for the sake of one's paperwork to be actually married, but nothing like the stigma there was for people either living together or single parents.

No easy answers I am afraid..........
LA
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:52 pm

I do not know why anybody would want to associate themselves with adoption unless they were already. However I know plenty that are that would rather they were not but have no choice!

Despite this, some do. There are some sick individuals that create a situation to manufacture attention for themselves. If it stays within the confines of a site such as this, then I guess the only problem is that person's delusions - not to mention the total waste of time & effort put in by anybody gullible enough to search on their behalf or to express sympathy based on a total falsehood.

However, the danger is that it can move from this site/similar onto another medium. From the open forum, to private messages, then to other mediums such as the dreaded Facebook or MSN... then perhaps phone numbers exchanged and even relationships built- all based on a fantasy.

This may sound really far-fetched, but I assure you it happens. I know several people originally from this site whom I actually speak to - and thankfully most are quite normal! The problem, however, occurs when what you think you know about a person turns out to be a figment of the imagination.

Then you have to look at the motivation. Do they set out to gain sympathy as their lives are so empty or unhappy OR perhaps it is some form of plan to find people gullible and naive who can then be told all kinds of hard luck tales for personal gain.

I think the message here is simple. Be very careful. Even if you find it easier to talk to someone on the phone or MSN - then be very careful what information/ impression you may be giving. That message can be applied to many internet sites, not just here. It is common sense.
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Postby ladyarcher » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:34 pm

Take care, yes, you are right.........it is actually pretty easy to trace someone who posts........see my interesting experience with setting a challenge to another poster a few weeks ago.........he traced me quite easily in a couple of hours, or less, without recourse to any very complicated or expensive genes type sites. A few of his 'finds' were a little off track with regard to dates, but all the names were there, and where I lived - he also told me how he did it, and what I should 'de-post' as it were..........it was a bit scary......not that I ever hide anything about adoption etc. but if someone took offence to a posting and wanted to make something of it...........well.......we are all far mor vulnerable than we realise with the internet........
LA
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:55 pm

I will send you a PM Ladyarcher. I am reasonably sure it is safe to do so in your case - judging by the length of time you have been posting and the subject matter! Might be a while, as it will take some writing, and it might explain a little better the kind of scenario I am trying to explain.

Now you mention it, I do recall you posted a lot of information regarding your circumstances, and in relation to your search - now concluded of course. As you say, it would be a wealth of information for someone unscrupulous to exploit with just a little knowledge and know-how.

Many people have sent me their personal details to help with searching/reunion etc since I have posted on this forum and I have / will always treat any information in the strictest of confidence. However, I would say it is very unwise for anybody to put any information that could identify themselves in the open forum as literally anybody can read it and therefore have the opportunity to exploit it should they choose.
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Postby ladyarcher » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:03 pm

Look forward to it John - I think that everything I posted relating to my search was referring to people no longer with us, apart, of course from my sister. I suppose that someone could have posed as my sister, but thankfully no one did.........I hope I would have been savvy enough to spot any try-ons - being fairly aged I think I am not easily fooled now, certainly might have been when young and gullible though - certainly was about my 'ex'.......but that's another story..........
LA
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Postby Josie » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:05 pm

LA - your experience of being tracked by a poster from this site is something that should be reported to AA? Perhaps you have already.
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Postby ladyarcher » Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:06 pm

No Josie, its quite all right.........go to Adopted People a few weeks ago and read the postings started by Timmy........you will see there that I set him a challenge to find me...........just so he could show those of us who were posting on that thread how it could be done.............he did not post all the details of how he did it, but sent me a p.m.
So, no worries, it was all perfectly above board..........
LA
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Postby stantheman11 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:27 am

Josie
Most adopted people (its forced adoption) Adoption should be outlawed if you ask me, we or living in 2010 not 1956 . Time and time again Social services take children from loving birth parents .And I can hear you shouting well why would they do that.They do this because of money ,it`s called adoption target grants .If adoption was so perfect ,then why would there be hundreds of people trying to find there birth family ? People don`t search far somebody just far the sake of searching.

Stan
TRACE YOUR BIRTH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

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Postby j-h-g-5 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:39 am

stantheman11 wrote:Josie
Most adopted people (its forced adoption) Adoption should be outlawed if you ask me, we or living in 2010 not 1956 . Time and time again Social services take children from loving birth parents .And I can hear you shouting well why would they do that.They do this because of money ,it`s called adoption target grants .If adoption was so perfect ,then why would there be hundreds of people trying to find there birth family ? People don`t search far somebody just far the sake of searching.

Stan



That is very generalised. I think you should remember that we only hear about the cases where adoption has gone wrong, where there have been miscarriages of justice, and incompetence etc.

While one travesty is one too many, it is impossible to have a system that works perfectly every time. There will always be those that suffer - with adoption it is the nature of the beast - if only there was some other way of guaranteeing no errors and no harm.

Central government no longer pays councils on that grant based system. As far as I am aware, it was a Labour policy introduced under Tony Blair, and has since been abolished - although I will check to be 100% sure. However, it is still obviously cheaper for individual councils to place a child with an adoptive family than to keep them in the care system for years.

I would have to say that to my mind, it is probably wiser to have a child adopted than condemned to care homes/ foster care for a long period of time (where there is no chance of the child being returned to its birth family) - as that provides at least a chance of long-term stability that the care system fails to provide in the majority of cases.

People search for a wide variety of reasons, and many search DESPITE having had a happy adoptive experience. Once again, remember only the bad experiences tend to come to light.
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Postby ladyarcher » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:12 pm

Well put, John.......
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