pen to paper

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pen to paper

Postby tracie » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:25 am

hi guys bit more advice please ive started writing a letter
ive stated my name and that i believe him to be my son ive gave his dob and birth surname and area were he was fetched up but i dont know how to word the last piece
do isay please dont hesitate to contact me vie ie email etc or i would love to hear from you wat will be the best approach
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Postby JJ » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:33 am


I would write it from the heart; what message do you want to get across? Would you love contact sometime in the future if he was up for it? Have you often thought about him? Do you hope more than anything that he has had a happy upbringing? As advice before, best not to be too pushy, you realise that this may come as a shock etc, provide as many ways of contacting you as you can, maybe say that whenever he feels ready you would love to hear from him.... Only you can really say what you want to say. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you x
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Postby Trace40 » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:38 pm

Hi tracie,

When I wrote my first letter to my birth mother last month I just put that I was trying to research my family tree and believed she could help me.

I put my birth name, date of birth and place of birth in the letter so she would know who I was straight away.

I know youre writing the other way round to your son and not a birth parent so my letter wont really help.

I personally wouldnt put too much in the first letter as if you spill your feelings out he may be scared away if he feels its too much for him to handle.

I would put your address and phone number and a mobile number in the letter for him so he can contact you either of those ways.

Also, send it recorded delivery and then you can go to to check on its delivery progress and you can also see who signed for the letter.

I wish all the luck in the world with your letter and hope you get the response youre hoping for.

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Postby Maisy » Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:10 pm

Hi Tracie
When my birth mother first wrote to me it wasn't quite the same as your situation because she knew it was definitely me as it came via an agency. She had also written to the agency a long time previously saying she would like contact etc if I ever wanted, which at the time I said no to. But, she sent a letter fairly recently anyway, what she said in the first letter was:
Dearxx, I understand this letter may raise a lot of mixed feelings for you. I do not want to upset you in any way. My main hope for you is that life has been good to you and that you are happy.
(next bit isn't really relevant because she talks about me not having wanted contact - although I have since written), then the letter finishes with:
However, if you want to know more about me, or have questions, I would love to hear from you.

I think this was at about the right level - although it was a bolt out the blue, I neither felt pushed, or that she wasn't bothered enough - it wasn't too much detail (that came later when I wrote back). Not too intrusive but emphasising her hope that I was happy. Only other thing I would put in a first letter is something along the lines of "have thought about you through the years".

Hope this helps and good luck.
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Postby tracie » Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:43 pm

the letter has already gone by recorded delivery but i put the sort of things initwhat you have metioned, im not expecting a reply anyway
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Postby JJ » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:14 pm

You may be pleasantly surprised! Try not to worry if you don't get a response straight away, some people like to mull things over for a time, others, though, may respond by return! I hope it goes well, keep us posted!
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Postby Diane » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:31 pm

Good luck Tracie, in the meantime you have us all here on this site. xx
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