Changes

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Changes

Postby Donotunderstand » Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:59 am

I thought I'd update as life has moved on

Our adopted daughter has always had letterbox contact with her other adopted siblings and face to face contact with her non adopted siblings.

Her oldest sister (not adopted but lived with birth relatives) rarely contacts her.
Her older brother (also not adopted, lived with great aunt & uncle before being placed back with birth mum) has emigrated and is living a great life with his partner.

The next sister (adopted with her twin brothers outside the family) is now married with a young baby. My daughter went to her baby shower, enjoyed a day on the beach as part of the "hen" celebrations and also her wedding. I was thrilled to be invited to the ceremony too. She and her husband and baby have been to visit us twice recently. She is very curious about birth family, asking us lots of questions. We answered them truthfully but not in great detail We want to build up a trusting relationship first. Its clear that she's had very little life story work, something which used to frustrate her when she was in her teens.

One of the boys has been in constant touch for a couple of years, meets up with her when he comes to town and also came to our home recently. He is tentatively interested in birth family and although he asked to meet up with the aunt who looked after them all when they were removed from their parents he got cold feet when it came to it. He is potentially meeting her next weekend but is under no pressure to do so. I feel that he'd rather do it on the spur of the moment, as in a surprise visit rather than being prearranged.

The other brother has no contact with our daughter apart from Facebook. He is currently going through a bad patch where his life is not moving in the direction he'd planned. His sister says he is struggling to engage with them. I hope he is getting support.

As you may remember from my previous postings, I have always wanted the siblings to be a part of each others lives but it was a struggle because the other adoptive parents didn't feel the same. I am overwhelmed by the adoptees courage in coping with this at such a young age - they are 21 & 20. We let them take the lead, our daughter is very understanding and if she doesn't hear from them in a while she doesn't fret.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
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