mothers day

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mothers day

Postby cleo » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:25 pm

Hello everyone,

Well another year gone by for mothers day, and for a few hours i got completely weepy again.

I know i should'nt but i started thinking, has my son thought of me today or said in his mind that he wishes me a happy mothers day?

I feel as though i am in two pieces, that i have a inner shell that is deepened with sadness, and my outer shell showing the world that i am doing fine!!!

How can this be..... when will i get over this, knowing all to well that nothing is going to change, i know i keep telling myself this, but then on days like yesterday, the pain surges and takes a grip, and i am lost in my own little world yet again.

I now ask myself what was the true reason my son came looking for me, i also know that some things he told me were not basically true, and i guess that hurts me more when i think about it now.

And the fact i have 2 grandsons that i will probably never get to meet or will never know about me. How can anyone be so cold hearted (i am trying to be kind as i don't want to feel angry towards him, but).... his children are my only grandchildren, he was the one who said that i was a grandmother when we first met. Perhaps if he had just told me that he had a son, without saying that i was a grandmother, then maybe the pain would be less, and i could of accepted that he has his mum and girlfriends mum as grandparents to his boys, without adding me to the equation.

Sorry, i just needed a little rant i guess...i hope you all had a lovely mothers day, i'm sending you all a cyber hug anyway....xx
cleo
 
Posts: 238
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: mothers day

Postby sylvie 1 » Fri Mar 31, 2017 2:47 pm

Hi Cleo

I'm really sorry it's felt so bad for you this Mother's Day. That's pretty understandable though, isn't it? Try, if you can, to look after yourself with extra tenderness and care on those days of the year that are especially triggering of the deep unresolved grief that you, as a mother who did not get to bring up your child, feels.

On one of my son's birthdays, I almost took myself to a psychiatric hospital as I just couldn't cope with the anguish and anxiety that I felt that day. Of course, those feelings were a maelstrom of profound physical and emotional memories from the day of his birth - a day that was beautiful because he was born, but terrible because it was the beginning of our separation, and because some of the staff at the hospital treated me badly.

However, the following year, his birthday felt completely different. I felt deeply relaxed, as if free from pain. It was striking how different it felt.

It's worth being prepared for triggering days - Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Days etc.
Know these are days that you are going to really have to look after yourself with kindness and care. Do for yourself what others did not do back then. Treat yourself as a wounded person who needs to feel cared for and nurtured.

Hugs dear Cleo x
sylvie 1
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2015 5:54 pm

Re: mothers day

Postby cleo » Wed May 03, 2017 5:23 pm

Hello sylvie, thankyou for replying, its always nice to know that somebody is taking time out to read and even reply, i know we are all busy in our everyday lives, and not always easy, but i do appreciate the contact.

Oh my goodness sylvie, i cannot believe you got so bad you thought of taking yourself to a physco hospital...yes its wierd how one moment we feel such deep pain, and then other times the load seems lighter.

I am about to write a new post with what has happened lately, so hopefully hear from you and your thoughts too, i do hope you too are taking care of yourself, its not always easy when things just seem to go wrong all at the same time.
cleo
 
Posts: 238
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm


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