Just wondering

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Just wondering

Postby cleo » Mon May 11, 2015 5:40 pm

Hi everyone

I hope you are all doing ok, anyway i was just wondering what i should think of current situation, as you know my son has not chnaged his Facebook profile for over 2 years now, but a couple of days ago he has changed the photo, and there is a lovely photo of him holding my Grandson, who will be 5 in november, so he has changed quite abit, i was so happy to see them both, although taking precaution not to get so excited and get upset afterwards, if you see what i mean.

Do you think i am reading too much into this, that perhaps my son thinks i will not look for him on fb anymore or maybe he is finding a way to show me that they are both doing well? As this is the first time he has posted a photo of himself and of my Grandson on FB, for public viewing (if you see what i mean)

I have seen other photos on another website but obviously i had done abit of searching to find that...but on FB this is where we made first contact along with friends reunited, although i have shut that account down as it was changing all the time and i could not figure out how it worked anymore. But on FB all this time he never ever changed his profile or cover photo, until a couple of days ago!!

I have had a niggly feeling the past couple of days though, sometimes i still feel so sad about the way he ended everything but then i feel angry (not very) but i ask myself what did i do so wrong apart from tell him how much i care about him.

Anyway i'm trying not to continue on that path anymore, easier said than done, but i guess that sometimes what happened in the past should stay in the past...but then again i would of liked my past to at least of finished on a happier note, thats all i ever wanted, when i read some situations and how hard its been on people yet they seem to get through it all and stay together, why was it so hard for my son to accept the way i am, i am not a monster, i do not have any major health issues, i am not a bad person in anyway, i just cannot help feeling like i must have done something so terrible to him to make him back off and that saddens me alot, maybe too i am not high enough up his social ladder to be seen with after all, who knows. Then i thought maybe HIS feelings for me may of been too intense which may of frightened him away, but easier to put the blame on me? i just don't know, as you can porbably tell i still ask myself a thousand and one questions........

But at the end of the day he has made his decision and i tell myself that i did not end this, he did, i have nothing to be ashamed of, i love my son and my Grandson, if he thinks that saying that is too intense then ok.

Sorry i seem to be going off the subject again....anyway i have a little keyhole to look through now and again.

Take care everyone
cleo
 
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