Grandsons birthday

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Grandsons birthday

Postby cleo » Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:24 am

Hi everyone,

Well its that time of year again,

Last week i enjoyed wrapping up my grandsons présents ready to send off:

I sent my grandson's parcel full of goodies for his 4th birthday (now 3 years since i last saw him)

Apparently the parcel arrived at my son's workplace on monday,checking the tracker, it was quicker than i thought.

I also sent my son a text message first thing on the morning wishing my Grandson a happy 4th birthday. I got confirmation that the text was delivered.

BUT NOTHING, no reply, a thankyou; NOTHING ;-((

I have mixed emotions to be honest, i'm glad i sent the parcel and text, but sad that my son cannot acknowledge that i am still part of his life, and also his son's.

Anyway i guess as every year goe's by, i have to face the fact that my son doe'snt want me in his life ;-( and i must carry the load of what i did all those years ago.

I did post this in another section, i am trying so hard to understand my son, but just seem to be going around in circles...i was in such a tizzwozz yesterday thinking maybe i should send him another text saying how much i still miss him and how i feel about him shutting me out, can he just tell me what i have done so wrong. But i did not send the text, like i said my emotions are all over the place again.

Maybe i should'nt send my Grandson or son présents anymore? i think to myself whats the point? But then i think, i want my son to know that i care about him and even though he has cut me off i will always try and send him just something.....i have missed out so much and so afraid of having history repeating itself.

I just wish i knew what my son is thinking, if he has any feelings for me at all, or if he just wants to forget that he came into my life 3 years ago.

Sorry i must sound like a broken record player ;-§ But thanks for listening to me
Last edited by cleo on Fri Nov 28, 2014 12:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby Donotunderstand » Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:36 am

Hi Cleo,

It is so hard when you don't know why, you keep trying to come up with possible reasons. You wish he'd send a message, even if its to say why he doesn't want contact at the moment.

My daughters adopted sister has told us through social services that she no longer wants contact. Her mother has tried to explain why. But my 13 year old doesn't understand - after all, she is adopted too and is keen on contact even if its just through Facebook.

You can continue with what you are doing even though it hurts you. Perhaps you can go through an intermediary who might be able to get some answers. Who knows what is best? We do what we do, right or wrong.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Posts: 174
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:07 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby cleo » Fri Nov 28, 2014 12:19 pm

Hi Donotunderstand,

Thankyou, and Yes thats all i want, an answer to why he has cut me off, then maybe just maybe i can move on in my life, but since he came looking for me 3 years ago and then cut me off with no explination, i have been in limbo, i just don't know what to do or think.

In a way at least you know the sister doe'snt want contact even though its hard to understand for your daughter being the Young age that she is, and i can also understand why your daughter would just even like just FB contact.

I am old enough to understand if my son doe'nt want contact....ok he has shut me out of his life for nearly the past 3 years i should get the hint.....but until he tells me himself that he no longer wants me in his life, i find it hard to let go.

I think i now deserve an explanation of some sort, or tell me one way or the other. Like you rightly said, whatever i do wether it right or wrong and if its for the best, i don't know, we all act in different ways, but i think a minimum of respect towards the other person and their feelings should be taken into account, my son is old enough and smart to understand this and how i feel about him.

Anyway i will see how things go today, my head is still spinning trying to find the right road to take ;-§
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby julie2009 » Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:20 pm

Hi Cleo

Sorry it has taken so long to reply to you. Sorry to hear you never received any contact from your son. The least he could have done is send you a text even to acknowledge receipt of the gift but everyone is different.

I am also considering whether or not to send my BM sister a Christmas card but is it going to cause more harm than good after I sent the last letter.
It will be interesting to see if she sends me a card this year as people think of family at that time of year - I am not going to hold my breath on that one.

You are not a broken record Cleo just a kind sensitive loving person and you must keep reminding yourself of that - put it like this Cleo it is his loss.

Take care of yourself (((hugs)))

Posts: 519
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:42 pm
Location: co. antrim

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby cleo » Sat Dec 06, 2014 7:38 am

Hello everyone


Sadly my son has said he wants nothing more to do with me, i will explain in the week, but i'm totally heartbroken, there are no words how i feel, but at least now i know!!!
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby Turtle » Sat Dec 06, 2014 11:52 am

I am very sorry Cleo, but at least you now know your son's feelings.

You must be devastated. I can't begin to know how you must feel. I am truly sorry.

Posts: 404
Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:12 am

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby cleo » Sun Dec 07, 2014 11:56 am

Hi turtle,

there are no words i can find to explain how i feel after all this time of waiting, but in a wierd sense i feel relieved in one way that at least i now know my son doe''snt want me in his life anymore, history repeating itself sadly as now i will miss out on my Grandson growing up ;-( and his new baby...i don't know if its a girl or boy, but i'm guessing its a girl, because he has such a perfect life ;-§

Sorry bitter moment there ;-(
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby ladyarcher70 » Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:45 pm

Oh! Cleo.........what can anyone say ....... I think it would be less painful to hear that he had died....... at least he wouldn't have done that on purpose....... all we on here can do is send you '((((hugs))))) not a lot of help I know....... but we all feel for you.....

Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:37 pm

Re: Grandsons birthday

Postby cleo » Fri Dec 19, 2014 2:47 pm

Dear LA

Thinking about what you said, yes it would of been easier if he had died (not ever wishing that on him) or that he never contacted me in the first place, would of been a better option!

For 30+ years i have wondered about him, i'd get upset on his birthday, Christmas, but then the pain would pass, because i had no idea...but now...the pain will never go away, and with grandchildren aswell...But i have to snap out of this somehow, he is getting on with his life, having a second child planning his Christmas party and his birthday célébrations......what a Lucky boy hey. Yes he has a fantastic life, theres only one thing missing, something money and good living cannot buy.....respect for other peoples feelings. His girlfriend told me that he has a heart of stone, i don't think its that, i have many suggestions but probably best to keep them to myself!!

I guess i have anger dwelling Inside of me, but i know it will do me no good, but best carry on as if this was all a dream/nightmare!!

Will talk again, thankyou all for listening to my broken record.
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Return to Birth Relatives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests