First Meeting With My Birth Family

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Re: First Meeting With My Birth Family

Postby lifeafterlife » Thu Oct 09, 2014 11:52 am

It is interesting reading these messages from the point of view of the mothers. I have been trying for a year to contact my b.mother with 4 letters, 1 just after Christmas last year, 2 signed for, 1 sent from my wife and an email to b.mother's husband. I have received no response whatsoever though I have given my address and email address. All the letters so far have been thoughtful and kind - just letting her know that I wish to make contact. Now however I am upset and feel that I have been rejected yet again. I have drafted a letter which states that I need to know that name of my b.father (so that I can search for him) and if I still get no response I will have to contact other b.family members or post on social media using the information I have from my adoption file. This goes totally against my grain but I feel as if I am left with no other options. If anyone has any better suggestions - please let me know.
lifeafterlife
 
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Re: First Meeting With My Birth Family

Postby maisie » Thu Oct 09, 2014 10:48 pm

I know from my own experience that the waiting for contact is a very difficult and painful time. I'm sorry to hear that your birth mother has not yet replied to your letters. I wonder if it is possible for you to meet with an Adoption Intermediary who could make contact on your behalf? In my own situation, this was useful, as the Intermediary was able to meet with my son and provide a space for him to talk about his feelings and help him prepare for any contact between us. Adoption is complex, and it can take a very long time for all involved to find a way forward. My heart goes out to you, and I hope the process will be a positive one for you. Please don't give up, I'm sure your birth mother has her own reasons for not getting in touch with you. It can be difficult to face the past and all the feelings it might engender. But things can and do change over the course of time. It certainly helps me to know others struggle with the process. And this is a good space to express thoughts and feelings that will be understood by others.
maisie
 
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Re: First Meeting With My Birth Family

Postby lifeafterlife » Fri Oct 10, 2014 9:13 pm

Thank you maisie. I know I need to be patient but I have to move on. I will look into an intermediary, I had a counsellor who went through file with me but couldn't act as an intermediary and just said that no response means that b.mother is not ready. I felt that there must be more I can do. I still haven't sent the letter, I think I am living in hope of a reply. Many thanks.
lifeafterlife
 
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Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:26 pm

Re: First Meeting With My Birth Family

Postby cleo » Thu Nov 13, 2014 5:10 pm

Dear Lifeafterlife and Maisie,

Yes the waiting process is so hard, i waited 30 years, and my son, out of the blue wrote to me, we sent a few mails then met up, we spent a few hours togetehr over aperiod of a couple of days, but then for whatever reason i get cut off without a word of explaination or even a goodbye ;-( that will be 3 years ago soon....... I do not know what or if i have said or done something wrong, in those 3 years my soni know has moved home (do not know where) and has had another child (so i am a grandmother again- if i dare say that i have the right to be that?) These are my very first grandchildren too, my heart has been torn to pièces and its like reliving the whole separation again......and on top of that rejection too.

I do not know if my son will ever get in contact with me again, i won't hold my breath, and yes like you said life has to go on....but the pain i feel everyday,will never ever go away.
cleo
 
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