Finally in reunion with my son..

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:24 pm

hi all.
A long story short. My son was born in 1989, was adopted straight away. This was my choice and mine alone, when i had him I had a 1 year old lg. I worked 2 jobs to make end's meet and money was so tight. I feel ashamed that all i thought about was being on my own no money etc, and that he would be better off without someone like me as his mum, so I concealed my pregnancy had him and did what i did. it sounds so awful but i didn't see him, hold him smell him, i refused to see him or even photograph's over the 1st year before i signed the final paper's it was not to be evil but to be strong i knew if i saw him i wouldn't be able to go through with it. i met my husband 17 days after i signed the final adoption paper's, I told him all about it so he knew the type of person i was. He was so understanding and made me realize i wasn't a monster just scared to be alone with no support and 2 babies. He has always been my rock. I learned to live with what i had done with his continuing support. The sadness in my heart never went away any holidays birthdays christmas school days, would transport me right back and the grief would hit, for the baby my heart and arm's ached for. It is so hard to live with but your life moves on and week's day's month's then year's pass.
Finally June of this year he telephoned my house, i took his number we had a brief tearful conversation. i promised to call him back. It was a total shock excitement like a dream really wonderful. But then which since i think was it possibly on purpose, he only gave me 10 digit's, were could i go from there, i tried approximately 100 combination's but no joy. I was beside myself with what to do, as you may imagine. I spoke to my husband he had no idea's what we could do. Then a major thing happened in my family which resulted in itu and then sadly she passed. It was an awful time and i felt all consumed by grief. I by now thought i would speak to my d. And was trying to pick the right time. i never got that, he told her in 2 messages on a social media site. We spoke in great depth and i thought she understood, she messaged him a lot over the next week and did tell him i never got all the number. i decided i would message him via her friend's list. it took him 10 days to reply, it was very curt. compared to the phone call.
It was a really awful 3-4 weeks with my d being so angry and upset. Then he was angry towards me i understand all of that but, it triggered all the old emotions as well. I actually could never see how it would ever move on from it one way or the other.
But i am so happy to tell you we finally all decided to just meet and see if we could move forward from there. It was absolutely magical, it was like my broken heart mended right then. We hugged so hard i never wanted to let go. We have met again and have family plans for Sunday. We txt a lot and speak at least twice a week. It is early day's but right about now, i have found an inner peace that i never ever thought possible. love and light to all thankyou for reading and any advice or comments i would be very grateful xx
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby Donotunderstand » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:19 am

Thank you very much for sharing your story with us and I'm so glad that you have reunited with your son. The clear message is - Never give up hope!!
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby cleo » Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:11 pm

Hi ssbn
My son found me after 30 years, a moment i have been waiting for also for 30 years, we heet up at the end of 2011/beginning2012, it was great it was also both our birthdays, so a very special reunion, where i even got to met his son..as he said, my grandson. In all we spent 9hours together over the couple of days i was over. Then in april of that year i was able to come over again and asked to meet up, at first he said he did'nt know if he'd have time, but then said he could spare an hour, so we met up and he brought his son too, but he seemed different, when i went to hug him he just seemed to back off, so i just j-held his hand and we walk and looked at each other, but deep down i felt something had changed and things would never be the same!!! After that the mails and texts started slowing down, he siad he was busy with life etc, but promised me a photo of his son in his next mail that was in august 2012...i'm still waiting!!! I sent him a merry xmas greeting did'nt hear back until late that xmas day and was very brief, nothing on new years day, then i said i was over beginning of january we could meet up if he wanted, i got a text back saying "thinking of a good day", it was his birthday just after, i said happy birhtday..nothing, then a week later it was my birthday....nothing (compared to the year before where he had wished me a happy xmas mum and happy birthday mum) i sent him another couple of mails up to march then on the last mail it came back as "messaged failed" so i guess he has blocked me....i have heard nothing from him since the beginning of january when he said "looking for a good day"........i don't know what i have done wrong for him just to cut me off like that...like i said on a previous post in "reunions" he said he'd send me a photo of his son...which he has'snt..too busy..yet he has time to post photos of his son on FB ;-( I feel so upset and used to be honest....i was always honest with my son from day one, told him everything he wanted to know...so i'm guessing that now he knows everything he can get on with his life, and let me pick up the pieces of mine like i had to do 30 previously!! I do not know if my son will get back in contact with me :-(
cleo
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:27 am

hi Cleo. i haven't posted for a while as i have been far to upset. My emotions have never been so raw. My birth son came over to us, for a funny reason, on arrival at my d's he came in for 2 minutes. Asked if he wanted a drink he said no (he had traveled for an hour) lo is asleep in the car. He was curt and off hand compared to how he was on our meeting. The thing is i tried not to read anything in to it, thought perhaps he was tired or something. But i knew something had happened or changed. He had messaged me, before he actually came over, i didn't see it till 9 pm i replied said it was lovely to see him, (even if it was for only 2 minutes) and hope he had had a safe journey home. He read it 1 minute later as it says seen. I have had no reply, i have txtd no reply tried ringing once but he ended the call straight away.
We had made arrangements to meet again on the Sunday after this post, it never happened he has totally withdrawn and also from my d as well. I don't know what has happened or why, all the times he was nasty and spiteful i never said anything back, i figured he was bound to have anger hatred, as how would he not when that's how you feel about yourself. He has been very hurtful to me, like he has thought i have had a wonderful life without him. And been so happy. I know it is not the case, you have a sadness like grief in your heart always, worse than if someone dies because you can talk and reminisce if that happens, but you cant do that when it is a secret. You have a sadness that no-one knows about. I wish i knew some answers like yourself you are always wondering what you have done wrong.
I think it has something to do with the area we live and also his adopted mum, he said all this would kill her meeting a dirty @@@@ like me. he said that to me as well, and the thing is i was not prepared for this at all, i always dreamed it would be so wonderful and it would be like the movies with a happy ever after. Wish someone would have prepared me, your emotion's are all over the place you feel like the 20yr kid again. And then i had him being nasty my D (not that i can blame her) being angry hurt upset crying. I have my Husband, he is my rock and sometime's has to be the pessimist, i always think things will always be fine, he however does not.
I do not know were to go from here, it is so hard when you thought everything was ok. The rug has been pulled from under you but what if anything can be done about it, I am thinking of you and so hope you son gets in touch xx
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby sylvie » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:46 pm

he said all this would kill her meeting a dirty @@@@ like me.



You are not this. You are a human being, deserving of respect like everyone else.
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Thu Dec 05, 2013 5:28 pm

thankyou. Sylvie.
I am so heartbroken, as well that his amum would even think like that of me. I have the upmost respect for her, she actually has 9 children altogether. 3 other's of which are adopted as well. I don't understand why she would say that to him, what does or will she gain. Not actually sure if it is so he never tried to contact me, sort of blackmail of a kind. As far as i am aware she does not know we have had any sort of contact, i am sort of wondering if she has maybe found out and so that is why it is all like this.
The really hardest part is, it makes you relive it all like it was yesterday. My now middle aged self is questioning every decision i made, was it for the best. But i know you can't go back, just wish i was more prepared for all these emotion's. I am sorry to go on!
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:48 pm

Welcome SSbnh .......so sorry that I did not see your post sooner and reply sooner......

It seems odd that your son should behave like this, but there are probably several reasons that added together have got him into a 'state'......

You say that he found you......so far so good...... but when he found you, of course he didn't just find you, he found a sister? half sister - whom you had kept.......and also the 'you' that he found was a very different 'you' to the one who gave him up and also now in a very different place to when you gave him up....

...he is only 24, and not really old enough to have experienced enough of life to keep him from being judgemental......it is statistically proven that men search less often than girls, and also that they can be very judgemental....... this is a bit of a cultural thing, in that even someone born in the late 80s will still have absorbed the idea that mothers are supposed to be whiter than white in their ways and their morals........and a mother who gives away a child does not conform to this traditional image .....he will only see the person you have developed into now, not the person who was struggling 24 years ago, and who tried to give her son a better chance than you could at the time........it was a sad irony that you met your husband so soon after it was 'too late' to stop the adoption.

He will perhaps now have become jealous of the fact that his sister was 'kept' .......you do not say how you came to already be a single mother, and that is not our business of course....... but it may be that there was something in whatever information his a.mother was given, and which may now have been given to him..........he is unlikely to know that the sort of information that will be in his file, or perhaps given to his a. mother, can well be very inaccurate.........these files were of course, even in the 80s, still compiled to persuade a Court that adoption would be a good idea.....they were not compiled for the adoptee to read with different eyes and thoughts twenty or so years on.......and it is often found that they show the b.mother in a v.bad light........and say things like 'she gave him up happily' ...... not that the 'happiness' was that she thought she was doing the right thing by letting him have a better life than she could give him ........

It seems odd that his a.mother would be able to adopt so many children, as well has having six ....... it is also possible though, that he has been talking to the other adopted siblings and perhaps getting difficult vibes and opinions from them ....... adoptees can have very different views of their adoptions, some being totally antagonistic towards their b.parent.......and some being antagonistic towards their a.parent.......it all depends on their experiences and their own slant on things....

...my own full sister, for example, who was adopted to a different couple to myself, thinks her a.parents were angels from heaven......they may well have been, ...... she thinks our b.mother a slut......she wasn't, I found her and knew her, my sister didn't......and she has a 'romantic rogue' attitude to our b.father.......whom neither of us knew although I know quite a lot more about him from people who did know him......and he was neither a rogue nor a bad person ..... just another lad a long way from home in the war.............my sister's a.brother, aged 66......whom she was brought up with, has no desire to trace his own b.mother ........ he thinks of her as a slut..... and on top of that refuses to meet me, nor even to let his a.sister mention me to him......I would have liked to meet him as he is part of my full sister's life.......well, a lot of it, of course...

....now you can see from this, that while my full sister thinks our b.mother was a slut, because she was married......she does not feel the same way about our b.father..........yet he too was married, back where he came from......her a.brother thinks his mother was a slut........not for any good reason that I can see, I know she was a young girl who was taken advantage of by her employer ....... what does that make her employer I ask........also, why would he refuse to have anything to do with me.....his a.sister's full b.sister......no logic in that at all, as none of us is of our parents' generation, so none of any of it was our fault or design...........so, a lot of very different feelings and attitudes just among three adopted people, all now in their sixties......

So, a number of possibilities.......or all of them ........ hopefully your son will eventually mature enough to understand how life throws things at people and that they have to make what seems to be the most reasonable and sensible choice at the time........but, as I say, at 24, he will not have got anywhere near there yet.......so hang in there.......and be kind to yourself .......

LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1975 - sadly missed b.father who died young but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so when I found them in Canada they were not shocked.......four years ago finally found full sister adopted separately....I found out about her when I was 25, and it took me 40 years searching to find her......I would never have given up .......we have a great time when we meet, but I suspect we would have fought had we been brought up together.....she is sixteen months younger than I ......
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby cariad1 » Thu Dec 05, 2013 8:32 pm

Hi ssbnh

Welcome to the forum. How awful this has been for you to have your hopes raised and then dashed unexplainabley. I thought I'd reply to you as an adopted person and hopefully you can maybe understand an adoptees perspective - not that I condone his behaviour at all.

LA - as usual understands he is very young I know at 24 I would not have had maturity to deal with meeting my b.mum. You cannot help feeling unwanted (even though now I completely understand what my b.mum went through ) my younger more selfish self would not have maybe. Even now my mother in law of 16 years still puts on the pity expression when she try's to mention my b.mum I refuse to talk about my b.mum with her perhaps childishly or perhaps I feel it is a betrayal of my a.parents because they never knew I met my b.mum. I can't stand pity or sympathy because I was adopted I hate the feeling people give you that you were second best and unwanted. I never had that from my a. Parents or family and we just all loved each other. As much loved as I was and had a fantastic upbringing there was always that feeling of rejection and now my middle aged self can see my issues of abandonment . I remember at about ten years of age my a.parents talking about me going away to university I was horrified and unable to express my feelings which were if you love me why do you want to send me away. Now I can see why I felt this because of loosing my b.mum. Guilt about hurting a.parents is huge and although my a.mother never once slagged off my b.mum I always got the impression she expected me to go off the rails and get pregnant like her. I met my b.mum at 40 and that person I was then was totally different to my younger self I'd had children and experienced great difficulties watching my a.parents fade with ill health. At 24 my a.parents were healthy I was selfishly enjoying life and would not have had emotional time in my life for another mother.

I don't understand your sons behaviour especially as he looked for you but I hope this give you a little insight into some of the whirlwind of emotions that go on in the head of an adoptee. And to the outside world you would never have know this whirlwind as I make a point of presenting a "face" to the rest of the world that i'm ok.

Take care

Love cariad x
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby cleo » Thu Dec 05, 2013 9:56 pm

Dear ssbn,

I totally understand your raw feelings, i am having more than i can cope with at the moment, its been nearly a yerar now that i have no news from my son..and i don't know why? I sent him a parcel at the end of november for his son's birthday, thinking that it may break the ice after all of this time, i know he recieved the parcel...but still nothing, then yesterday was our 2year anniversary (so to speak) its the date we first made contact 2years ago, so i sent him a text message saying hi hope your doing ok...still nothing..;then last night on FB one of his freinds posted a photo of my son with a group of his friends what looks like an evening meal, he looks very happy. I am totally filled with pain. Like i said i don't know what i have done for him just to cut me off as though i never existed. I know he needed time for things to settle down, but after nearly a year surely thats good. Nobody knows about my son apart from my parents (at birth, but do not know that we had contact) and my husband, who also has been a rock, but also pessimist, saying that i should now let go, that my son probably only came to find me, because of his A.Dad dying just a year before, and just wanted to find his roots...so to speak. And that now he knows perhaps he can continue his life. He told me he had a fab upbring and could'nt of asked for a better mum and dad, he also told me he understood why i did what i did and held no regrets.
I do not know what to do now either, i just ask myself over and over again what i may of said or done wrong, but can find no reasonable explaination. I said to my husband, i was sad before i knew my son and would get upset over special occassions, but then it would pass, but know i know my son and what he looks like etc, the pain is much to bear, there are days when the tears just wellup and flow, i have no control over how i feel, and the feeling of rejection comes up more and more often and the feeling of being used!! i know that sounds negative, but i have tried to put on a strong front, thats what i've done for the past 30 years, but now, knowing my son doe's'nt want to know me is so so painful, and also missing out on my grandson growing up too.
I don't know where to go from here, i've tried finding out where his dad might be buried but ahving no luck with that at the moment. I just seem to be hitting a brick wall time after time. :-(
cleo
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:10 am

hi ladyarcher...
Thank you for taking the time to reply. A long story very short, i became a single parent with my daughter after my 1st sexual encounter at a party a 1 night stand after being very drunk. When i realized i was pregnant, i told my own Mum who in turn told my Dad, I was thrown out of the house in the clothes i stood in and a carrier bag. My Dad was very very strict, well still is. I had to go and stay at my auntie's who lived out of town, well hide there. It was a really sad unhappy time for me, remember no such thing as mobile phones internet etc... Anyway my pregnancy advanced i was quite poorly and had to have weekly scans and 12 hour monitoring every 2 weeks. Because I had to go to the hospital so often, I had to stay with my paternal grandparents. I had lots of things with doctor's hospitals etc the time flew by and before i knew it i had 4 weeks to go and my parents decided they needed to talk to me. The conclusion of that conversation was i had to return home, because what did it look like to everyone else, and that i would go straight back to work have no maternity leave. I did what i was told was i was so sad i would have done anything. i went back home and had my little girl 3 weeks and 2 days later. I was in hospital for 5 days and returned to 1 of my jobs when she was 11 days old, i had no choice, now it seems so archaic. But when you are sad and all alone you will do anything to make everyone happy. I was still sad but i at least was towing the line and providing everything for my daughter and paying board.
! of my jobs was in a shop, that is were I met my Birth son's Dad. He was a construction worker, working in this area, lodging near to were i worked. He was a charmer all the usual things, and that i was a really good Mum being on my own and everything he would take her on as his own everything. Anyway 4 weeks after we met he asked me to go to the place he was staying, i had D with me so no funny business. So i thought, he clearly wasn't thinking like that. A peck on the cheek turned into a rough fumble. I was very upset and left crying, to only ever see him once more 3 days later. He called me all the names you could think of, but his final thing was he knew, i would give out i had got a baby. That was like a knife, knowing that was what everybody would think of me.
By this time i still lived at home as well. I tried to pull myself together but sometimes you can't. I then realized I was pregnant again, I had no choice i would lose all my family then i wouldn't be able to work so no money either. On dark days you think of the worse things you could do to yourself, but i couldn't do that to my D. Abortion wasn't even an option. So I decided adoption was my only option, i concealed my pregnancy, carried on working till the day before he was born.
This is really my story leading up to when i had my BS. I have cried as much writing this as though it was yesterday.
If perhaps you know my circumstances then perhaps you will understand. I was trying to do my best for my children and myself.
you will all never understand how much i feel like this is helping me
Thankyou i will read over the other comments and try to reply as best i can to all
love and light always
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:53 am

thanks Cariad1.
it is nice to have an insight into the mind of an adoptee. I know he has been looking for me since age 16. At the time i asked for no contact, i suppose to him that was a further rejection. I have tried to understand and he was so aggressive in the manner he told my D. I thought the txts and Fb messages were going ok. But now i know it was to soon we met after 3 weeks . He knows everything about me and D. He however has not told me anything, what i know is through my D. When we met, the emotion's were wonderful. My broken heart did seem to mend right then. We hugged and i never wanted to let go. I now see that it is like a jumble of emotion's but happiness want's to win through, so you think it is all ok.
I know when we had the meeting he said he was curious were he came from if he looked like D or Myself or had any mannerism's habit's or anything of that nature. We did speak with ease but however, little crack's appeared even then. And i don't think i am over analyzing. He said he never wanted children because he was adopted, but once he had one, it made him wonder how i could have done it, he loved his lo with all his heart. He was bullied because he was adopted, all through secondary school. He nearly went off the rail's because he was adopted. Put his aMum through Hell because he was adopted.
I know i am over thinking but he, has never called me anything, He refer's to me as Her/She. Conversation via txt or fb message always start Hey. I think maybe he is being like this so i understand a little bit how he has felt. I just don't what or how we can move on. I understand that it has got to be his decision, or perhaps his curiosity is satisfied. Either way i have to wait, which is so hard with all these emotion's resurfacing, i hope he just needs time to think about it all. I really don't know.
Thanks Cariad xxx
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby ssbnh » Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:12 pm

Dear Cleo

Hope you are feeling ok today. I can relate to everything you are saying. It is all so true, i think it is the not knowing or understanding what has happened or if you have done something wrong. That for me is the worst part, i have wondered if it is on purpose so you are thinking all the time about it. But i do tend to over-analyze things.
You seem to know were you son lives and address and that, I do not know any of this information. He comes from a city but has never even said the sub-district no address house number etc. He has blocked my Friend request on FB and now blocked his page to view as well. He was very close to my D perhaps because they are of the same generation. They were far more communicative like old friend's. He has withdrawn from her as well, she is now angry as she feels he used her to meet me. But has cast her aside even if he want's to punish me. It is so hard all the time. And like you say you have all the year's of sadness, always wondering about them. To then meet, talk, communicate try to learn as much as you can about someone. Answer question's, accept hostility's, finally feel you can live with what you did. But then they withdraw, and i am sorry to say but you are right, you are just as sad as when you didn't know them. I don't know what the answer's are for you, but i am sorry and hope your son will contact you again.
love always thinking of you xxx
ssbnh
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby cleo » Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:59 pm

Hello ssbn

I so glad that i have soembody who understands what i'm going through at the moment, woah, i know i'm not the only one out here, but its nice to have somebody who understands my emotions at this moment in time.
I am so frustrated at the moment, like you i have always loved my son from the very beginning, abortion never came across my mind, and i also kept my pregnancy hidden until over 7 months, i had gone through my exams got decent job all while being pregnant, but then of course i had to give everything up, only my parents knew what was going on, and once my son was born and adopted we never ever spoke of him ;-(, a year after he was born i left the country and have got on with life the best i could, but birthdays christmas easter etc all made me upset year after year, then i got married, my husband was very good about it all, and when i'd get upset, he'd say, maybe one day your son will come looking for you. But as the years went by i,d think well if he doe's know after 20,25,29 years, perhaps he doe'sn't want to know me or perhaps his Aparents never told him!! anyway just beofre his 30th i get a email via friends reunited, so i opened it up and was absolutely amazed to see it was from my son, he didn't write alot to begin with just his name the year he was born and that he hoped i was the person he was looking for. So i wrote back telling him yes i was that person, and then woah, just a whirlwind of emotions.... i was always honest with him and thought he would be with me, but now looking back, i'm thinking he only said these things so i would open up to him and tell him more about his past, i never asked him things though, i thought if i did i may frighten him off....how stupid i feel now, its like i was back being a 16yr old, i don't trust people nowadays, but i did with my son, he called me mum twice and also told me i was a grandmother, i felt like nothing could go wrong after all of these years of waiting ;-) We met up and then after a couple of days i had to go back home, he told me we'd always be in contact, then i asked to meet up again in the april, but he said he didn' tknow if he'd have time, but we finally met up for an hour, but i had a gut feeling that things were never going to be the same...then the weeks turned into months and now the months into nealry a year, without any news, his last text was just before his birthday saying he was" thinking of a good day to meet"...the next day was his birthday, then my birthday,nothing not even a happy birthday...then i went back home crying all the way.....and i have'nt heard from him since...i sent a parcel for his sons birthday, nothing, then for our 2nd anniversary of our 1st contact, nothing.......i just want to knwo what i have done wrong as there is no explination what so ever. There are days i cannot control the tears that run down my face, i'm starting to think i wish i never met him, although i knwo deep down thats not true, because it was what i've been waiting for for 30 years......i just want him to tell me what i have done for him to treat me like this ;-(, i have always been honest with him..........why can't he be honest with me, like i said before nobody else knows about my son apart from my husband, so i have nobody to talk too, and so glad i have found this group. Yes i do know his adress but he said he was going to move to a bigger place, but i don't know if he has done that yet, i will see over christmas, as i'm coming back to the uk so will see if i see his car in the driveway. I know i should'nt go on FB either but its the only way i can see him now, as he has blocked his email adress aswell ;-( but he doe'snt know i can see him, i think if he did, then he'd block that too, although i cannot see alot anyway as its on private settings!! I have had so much heartache again this year, it feels as though i've gone back in time and had to relive all my emotions over again, only this time its worse knowing he doe'snt want to know me....and i don't know why.......i wish he'd tell me, then maybe i can get on, but i just seem to be stuck in a time zone, he made me the happeist yet saddest person in the space of 4 months ;-((
I'm totally in no mans land with my feelings and thinking over time all the time too. Thinking of you too ssbn
cleo
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby sylvie » Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:39 pm

I don't know whether this post, and its comments, will be a help or a hindrance to you, but I'll give you the link anyway.
It's food for thought, in trying to work out what's happening when there's no communication to tell you.
The comments on this website tends to involve first mothers, people who are adopted, and people who have adopted (both the thoughtful and the thoughtless). So it's a range of views you get to hear.
I just wondered if there was anything in it that chimed with your experience, or that could shed some light.
I hope it's not too hurtful, I know you are both feeling deeply hurt at the moment.

http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2013/11 ... st-to.html
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
sylvie
 
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Re: Finally in reunion with my son..

Postby Donotunderstand » Fri Dec 13, 2013 3:52 pm

Interesting link, thank you. I haven't read it all but have picked up on something which seems to fit (for me) My niece was desperate for a reunion with her siblings which happened earlier this year. I was involved as adoptive mum to her sister. It went very well. Then she withdrew from us all saying she felt no "connection" with anyone. I wonder if she'd expected a "love at first sight" kind of thing as she was 16 at the time. So, where do we go from here? Her adoptive parents tried to get her to join in the second family get together but she was adamant she didn't want to. As far as their dad is concerned he feels that their 3 children will be free to contact birth family independently of them in a year or two anyway so they'll allow it now. A.mum wasn't so keen but is going with the flow (This is after years of resistance from them to have more than an annual letter via social services)

Before I start to ramble, I have come to the conclusion, after reading some of that link, that we will continue to invite our niece in any get togethers and occasionally our daughter will send her a text or FB message, until such time as she is ready to join in or tell us she is really not interested. Her silence makes me think and hope that she is keeping the door open.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
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