In Search of Claire Packer

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In Search of Claire Packer

Postby hmc » Mon Sep 30, 2013 7:07 pm

Its taken me 42 years to pluck the courage up to try and do this but here goes

Its a small story of woe like most storie's are, and i’ve just not had the guts to sort it

I’m searching for Claire Packer born in Hertfordshire and then adopted and renamed Lucy ... I won’t post her name on here as I’m unsure if I should or not

she was born in 1972 and after adoption still resided in Hertfordshire, I know where but again I’m unsure on how much information I should post

I always knew I had a sister, but my mother tried for 21 years to convince me I was wrong, to the extent even telling me I had a brother who had died at birth

My mother and father divorced when I was 1 and I can remember seeing my father to the age of 7 when my mother said we would play a game and told me I had to tell my father I would no longer see him on the weekend visits.

The next day we moved over a hundred miles a way to the furthest part of Kent.

After a few years my mother moved us back to Hertfordshire and I spent my teenage years wondering about my father & sister and how their lives were and I spent many years trying to prove myself worthy of them.


After a chance meeting with a customer while working in Hertfordshire at the age of 30 it transpired that I could remember the road in which my grandmother on my fathers side lived and even the house number and we agreed if I was to write a note he would put it through the letterbox.

Well after 2 years I got a letter back via DWP and the Salvation Army from my fathers wife telling me that my father had searched for many years for me and even though he had children from the marriage couldn't come to terms with the loss of me in his life and had taken his own life by drinking himself to death over a very short time, and that I should go around to hers as she wanted to meet me and try and understand what had happened.


Well it was great seeing her after all those years, my memory from the age of 7 of how she looked was exactly the same and we talked about my father and then she introduced me to my half brother and sister, and the gobsmacker, she told me I had a real sister, and that she had tried to contact me when she was 18 and that my mother had replied to a letter telling her that I didn't want anything to with her.

I broke down in tears as I hadn't ever received this letter and wondered how my mother could sow such a web of lies and deceit that the rest of my mothers side of the family wouldnt tell me the truth even on my 21st birthday.

Needless to say i dont have any connection with my mother and havent since i was 23.


So my question or my plea is

what do i do now ?

is there anyone on here that can help me ?

Im really scared of rejection of my sister as i have no idea how she must feel being rejected.

Thanks in advance for any help you may offer, as I said I do know more details but was unsure how much I should post or if i’ve posted too much already.


Kind Regards

Dave
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby julie2009 » Tue Oct 01, 2013 1:17 pm

Hi Dave

Funny how our memories come flooding back no matter what age we are. Sorry to hear about what happened to your father but you have the reassurance he never forgot about you and then to discover you have a sister you knew nothing about. I think your mum doesn't want you to drag up her past but sometimes the past has a funny way of catching up on us all at some time in our lives but you need to know why your mum kept denying she had another child.
I take it your sister would be a few years younger than you seeing she was born in 1972 but she could be married or possibly moved away from the town she grew up in.

Have you tried to trace her on Ancestry UK or Genes Reunited but sometimes these sites can be expensive but I think some of them offer a free trial but I am not too sure what information it will give during a trial period.

Some people have found that FB is a great source for finding out about relatives. I personally placed an ad in a local newspaper where my BM was originally from through a lost relative forum and the person who ran it just happened to know about the family. I tried to keep everything discreet at the start but she must have read between the lines and realised who I was trying to trace. The same person was able to tell me my BM died at 41 and had married the following year after I was born and had 3 more children (now adults). She was then able to put me in touch with my BM sister.

I am not too sure what information is acceptable to give on this forum Dave but you can check this with the administrator.
There used to be an organisation called Norcap (not 100 % that this is still in operation) whereby adoptees and birth relatives were able to record their details in the case that someone was trying to trace them. I think there was a small fee applicable but you need to find this out.
You say your mum received a letter from your sister when she was 18. The letter could have been sent via a social worker working on behalf of your sister or personally drafted by your sister.

Hopefully some others on the forum will be along shortly to offer some advice and fingers crossed you get the chance to finally meet up with your sister in time.

Take care

Julie xx
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby Turtle » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:55 pm

Living with the fact that people lied to you is so hard. I wasn't told that I was adopted until I was nearly forty. Not only do you have to deal with the new facts that you are given, but you also have the issue of people that you thought you could trust, deceiving you for so long.

In some ways it must be exciting to find out you have a full birth sibling, but to then find that your mother rejected her, "on your behalf", must be devastating.

Like Julie, I was going to ask if you have checked on Ancestry or Find my past. You can sign up with them short term for free. I have also helped a few people on this site with searching, as I am signed up with both of them, and am happy to do a bit of research for people. If you would like me to have a look on both of those sites, PM what information you have, and I will see what I can find.

I do hope you can find your sister, so that you can explain that it was your mother's rejection that she felt, not yours.

Good luck
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby hmc » Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:11 pm

Thanks for the prompt response

Ok here goes, just in case anyone can shed some light and please do try anything I can pay, im not rich by any means

but I believe my sister deserves me to spend what little money ai have to try and put a wrong right, even if she does reject me, least ive done what I can

Her Adopted name is Lucy Day from Park Street, St Albans, Hertfordshire.

She was born July/ August 1973 not 2 as I have now found the page from the register 4b 815 which has a line through it with an amendment which I cant read

Her birth name was Claire Lorraine Packer, Born in Hitchin Hospital

Mothers Name Susan Marilyn Cutler, from Walkern Road Stevenage who married Brain Packer from Berkhampsted, Hertfordshire.

They were married around 1968/69/70 in Stevenage old town Church and had a house, 382 or 384 or 380 Grace Way, Stevenage

I was born September 2nd 1971 As David Barry Packer, name now changed to David Barry Taylor


I tried to order her birth certificate, and paid and had the money returned because she was adopted, which ment I couldn't trace any further

I have a question, if her name was changed at (birth) who her name been changed on the Cirtificate or issued a new one ?


and how if she was adopted and her name changed would I be able to trace her on genes reunited

sorry to ask such a stupid question, but I just get so stressed over this when I hit brick walls and that im not trying hard enough to find her that I then stop because I don't know who to ask for help

hope that kind of makes sense


The funny thing is ive just got into a relationship and actually live just up the road from my fathers family and drive down a lot of roads and get so many flashbacks and feel im here for a reason to find her, it just feels so right, maybe im just hoping too much

but thanks for any help

I really mean it its my weak point when it comes to finding my sister I get so scared and find it so hard to know where to start

Ive tried Facebook, and 192.com and hit a few walls, even tried google and bing

im even thinking of re contacting my aunty sheila, my mothers best friend who ive not seen since 1990 and asking her why there was a big argument and we never saw her again and when I asked why my mother said it was because of me, and wouldn't say much more, its a long shot and I really don't think it will get me any further

Dave
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby Turtle » Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:12 am

Hi Dave.

I am going to PM you with the information I found.

Just in case other people are interested and are reading this, I would point out, that although you can't buy birth certificates of adopted children, and also all recently born people, not sure of the cut off date, unless you have every shred of information about their birth, you can buy marriage certificates. These can be a major source of information.
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby hmc » Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:56 am

Thank you so much

it may sound daft but just the little glimmer im going in the right direction brings me to tears

i really cant say thankyou enough, Claire is the one emotion within me i cant control and it brings me to my knees & tears me apart when someone shows me any kind of help with finding my sister

Im not great with words but you really dont know how much this means

Dave
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby hmc » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:00 am

Its funny i didnt even know her middle name was Lorraine,

my Dad named me and my half brother after his favorite uncles David Barry and my half Brother Barry David

but its now got me going as to where the lorraine or even the claire came from as i knew all my mothers friends and knowone was called that and it doesnt run in either family

i know names can be pulled out of a hat or book but what with my name its left me whirling where her names came from

stupid as it may sound i know just trying to put some missing links in my head

Dave
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby ladyarcher » Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:39 pm

Hi Hmc.........I feel for you, and with you in searching for your sister.......when I was 25 and searching for my b.mother, I discovered that I had a full sister who was sixteen months younger than I.......we had been given to different couples for adoption.......it took me forty years, but I found her......she had been brought up only about fifteen miles from me, in a village outside the County Town where I grew up........we had even gone to the same riding stables, but at that time neither of us knew that we had a sister..........in fact my sister never knew, until she decided to search when she was 64.......as soon as her social worker started to follow the 'paper trail' she saw a message that I had left on the Government Adoption Contact Register fifteen years earlier........we have known eachother for four years now, and although we do not see eachother very often, we get on well and have a lot in common, and laugh a lot........

So one of my suggestions to you is that you register on the Govt. Contact Register, if you have not already done so.......it is not very expensive and your message stays there forever......if she is already on there, or if she registers on there in the future, your message is 'triggered' and a connection is made......you can opt to be contacted direct, or through a third party like a friend, or perhaps Dr. or Minister, or you can in fact opt not to be contacted at all........you need to register on both halves of the lists, both as a 'searcher', and as a person willing to be found.......

Another thing you might try, is to join Friends Reunited and to message everyone on the lists of pupils of the St Alban's schools.......FriendsR is not quite so easy to search as it used to be, before it was 'improved'......not improved at all actually, but you can still see lists of those who have joined from the schools in an area..... although your sister's adoptive family may, of course, have moved away and not gone to school there at all, but it is worth a try.......contact everyone on the lists who would have gone to the school at the same time as your sister........someone may know of her, or know where she has gone.....

Norcap, who used to have a contact register, was unfortunately wound up earlier this year and no longer exists........presumably some authority has taken over their lists, but I don't know who............

Some years ago there was a lovely lady on GenesR, who is now sadly deceased........she gave me a list of every woman in Surrey who had the same birthdate as my sister.......I contacted every one of them, just in case my sister was still in the area where she had grown up......I knew that she had been adopted to somewhere near me as the registrar who attested to the adoption was the same one as on my certificate.......anyway, I wrote to every woman on that list, but she was not among them, and when we did meet I found that she had been a real 'globe-trotter', as her husband's job took them abroad all the time, and also that she had never used a computer either, so none of the messages I had left on all the different adoption sites had ever been seen by her.......I had also done a radio appeal for her sixtieth birthday...... but with no luck, as she had been out of the country.......in anycase she would not have recognised herself, except for the date of birth perhaps, because she did not know her birth name at that time.........

Now you know your sister's birth name, so you can send for a copy of her birth certificate......not in her adopted name, in her birth name........when you get the certificate it will have 'adopted' written on it, and the name of a registrar attesting to the adoption entry......as well as the one attesting to the birth entry........you can then check employment records at the St Alban's registry office and see if that registrar was working there at that time......the one attesting to the adoption is always the one who works in the area that the adoption took place, .........as far as you know it was St Alban's, but a check would be good...........

...I have not been to the new Govt. Records Centre at Kew, but years ago I went to it when it was in St Catherine's House, in London.......and before that, to Somerset House ........in St Catherine's house there were forms where you could apply for an adoption certificate, but to do it you had to know the birth name and the adopted name.......and I did not know my sister's adopted name, so it was of no use to me.........but you know both names, so it is possible that you could get a copy of the adoption cert. if you think that would tell you anything that you don't know already.......although you do seem to have enough information to trace her ...... if you have the names of her adopted parents, then it would help to narrow down any search of the marriage register, to see if she had married, and therefore changed her surname again.......parents' names are always on the marriage certificate........Kew will do searches, but it costs a bit again, or if you live near enough you can go there and search yourself......all time consuming, and so it is not always possible for people to do it, as you would need to take time off work etc.......

Best of luck
LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who died young, but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters so when I made contact with them in Canada they were not shocked....four years ago finally found my full sister who had been adopted separately.....I found out about her when I was 25, and it took me forty years to find her.......but I would never have given up searching.......
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby ladyarcher » Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:46 pm

Another thought occurs to me...... you know the address to which your sister was adopted, so you could search the local authority records of who lived where and when......old electoral rolls would have the names of everyone who had registered to vote.......that too would give you the names of her adopted parents....and by checking each subsequent year you could find out if they had moved, and which year........if they had moved while your sister was a small child, then she would have gone to a different school etc.......
It would also be worth checking the local Churches Baptismal records, as she may have been Christened .......

LA
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Re: In Search of Claire Packer

Postby hmc » Fri Jan 10, 2014 5:20 pm

Belated happy new year everyone,
Well my search for my sister, continues, I registered on the government website, and alas, she hasnt registered, but all i can say is to anyone thinking of registering, do it, once you send the letter off, they email you back to let you know if youve been lucky, or in my case, unlucky, but at the bottom of the email is a sentence, that basically says if you wish to continue searching then to recontact them and they will put you intouch with the next line of contact, mine being bedford adopotion agency, who i rang today and i have to say were very friendly and really helpfull and now im registered with them and in the next 2 weeks a case officer will be look at my case and start the ball rolling, ive never felt like something is actually going to happen and the ball start rolling untill now, so will keep you posted,

Biggest thanks goes to my lady, Debbie who without her, i would of never got this going as she drives me on daily
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