OK, had enough of waiting...some news on my front

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Re: OK, had enough of waiting...some news on my front

Postby athensrunner » Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:59 pm

Its has been a while since I posted an update.

Since my last update, my son and I did not communicate until August when he sent me a message asking if I was coming to Greece. I responded with yes and I will message you when I arrive. Then last Friday I arrived in Athens and sent off my message. He answered with a message that he wanted to meet on the condition that I agreed to do a DNA test, which I of course agreed to. The test was yesterday and we had our first face to face conversation then.

He wanted the DNA so he can have 100% peace of mind, although he did actually believe that I am his mother. He sort of knew that something was up all his life and his relationship with his parents is not too good (he confirmed they never told him).

We both understand that although we are total strangers, my emotional connection with him is unique and strong, where as he needs time and space to get to know me. He wants to see me again before I leave but he also wants to wait until the DNA result are back before "fully emotionally invest" in any relationship with me. I have made it clear to him that we are taking this at the pace he feels comfortable with. He is not even sure what to call me yet, I did tell him he could call me whatever he wanted, although I preferred not to be called "that bitch" :lol: (when I said that I got a genuine happy laughter from him).

I got a hug from him but we didn't take any photos...but I think we will have plenty of time for that later, it might take a year or two but I am hopeful that eventually the two of us will have a good relationship. The main thing is that we have both been open about our feelings, honest about what we are not ready to talk about and willing to take it slowly.
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
athensrunner
 
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Location: London

Re: OK, had enough of waiting...some news on my front

Postby cleo » Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:43 pm

Athens that is great news,

It got me thinking that i do read that adoptees who did not have a great Relationship with their adoptive parents seem to have a better Relationship with their birth mothers than the adoptee's who have great adoptive parents.

Maybe i am wrong , its just the impression i get when reading some of the stories on here and elsewhere. My son had/have great adoptive parents, as he told me, so really there is no need for him to have me in his life on top of all that.

Maybe i am thinking abit oddly?

I am so happy to read that everything is going great with you and your son, and that he's not quite sure what to call you..must admit i was astonished when my son called me mum from when we first met, i was not expecting that at all, but then again, it means nothing now, so all that excitement and raising my hopes was for nothing really.

I have everything crossed that your Relationship works out, please keep us updated, its lovely to hear when things work out

Take care xx
cleo
 
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Re: OK, had enough of waiting...some news on my front

Postby athensrunner » Thu Sep 28, 2017 7:51 am

So I am back from my trip to Athens...and what a week.

My son and I had two more meetings. On Thursday we spent the evening together, first just the two of us, getting to know each other bit, then we joined his friends for a few drinks. Then on Sunday, his GF and him came and had dinner at the house I stay in. I found that when his GF is around he is a bit more reserved but alone with me he is much more open, then again I think that is natural.

He told me he was worried that he would say or do anything to make me go away...I know I will have to prove to him that that is not the case, just saying it is not "good enough". We both know that we have to take baby steps and not rush things, the main thing is for him to know I am there for him.

Last night he sent me a youtube playlist with songs explaining his confusion, hurt, anger and hope for the future. I messaged him back thanking him for sharing this with me and reassuring him that I would not leave him and that he will always have my love and support. Time will tell, next week he will have the result of the DNA test and I think that will take away some of his worries.

Cleo, I am sorry your reunion was not a positive one and I am happy that you are now in a better place. I know that there is a risk that mine might one day fail but that is a risk I am willing to take.
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
athensrunner
 
Posts: 121
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:35 am
Location: London

Re: OK, had enough of waiting...some news on my front

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:49 pm

Oh, Athens......what a lot happens when one neglects the board for a while....... fingers crossed for you and your son. I guess it will take him a while to process his thoughts, given that you have known about him all his life, and he has only just known about you.

Lots been going on in our family which is why I have not been on the board for a while, and also the difficulty of accessing it now there is not an AA home page link to the forum. We are about to go down to Cornwall this week, for a few days off from school runs and general gr.child minding.......it is half term in Wales this week coming, whereas it was half term in England last week... we have not been down to our caravan for two years due to lots of things, and our son is rarely able to come up here 'cos he often has to work Saturdays.....he is a cheesemaker and of course cows don't quit producing milk at weekends.

Not sure if I will be able to get wifi when I am down there, so will have to catch up when I get back.

Thoughts and hugs

LA
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