Just general chat

Moderator: AfterAdoption


Postby JJ » Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:27 pm

For many of us Christmas and other festivals can be really hard to handle. So many mixed emotions; emotions which are heightened in any case because of the circumstance, and which can rapidly become overwhelming.

All of our stories are different, yet we all have one huge thing in common. Adoption, from whatever angle, and with it the lows, the highs, the hope, the longing, the loss, the discovery, the journey's end, the new beginning, the acceptance, the sorrow, the pain, the joy, the anger, the frustration, the relief, the questions - and hopefully, in some way, for all of us, a resolution of some kind.

I'm thinking of all the birth parents, all the adoptive families and all the children, of whatever age, in-between... and sending out hugs and solidarity. Take care all. JJ xx
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Re: Christmas

Postby cleo » Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:48 pm

Evening JJ

Thankyou yes not an easy time of the year for alot of us, especially with added circumstances that have happened around this time of year too, which adds to even more sadness.

Just a couple of days ago i caught a glimpse of my sons partners page....and she has posted a photo of herself and the 2 boys in front of a christmas tree, what a wonderful sight to see, yet heartbreaking, if you understand. Mixed emotions and brain this for my beneift she has posted a photo for public view? I would like to think so but, i am not the center of their world so why should i think like this...she has never posted much before, so why now?

Anyway even though i dwell on certain events, i know its not doing me any good in one way, but in another its nice to have snippets of the boys and see how they are both growing up so fast.

JJ i hope you are doing ok too, like you said we are all different , yet, we all have one thing in common, adoption.

Looking back i never really faced the problem, although always in the back of my mind, but it did not really hit home until my son found was then i truly hurt all over again, it can become so intense and destructive, yet we find a way.

Wishing you a happy as possible christmas, sadly my husband will be away, so i will be on my own with my dogs, no tree, no decorations....i'm being a humbug, haha, don't worry, i have'nt done christmas for the last four years anyway... But i will think of us all and wish that things could of been different or will work out for those still waiting.

Take care JJ and everyone who reads this post, And hope you'll all be here next year too
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Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: Christmas

Postby ladyarcher70 » Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:03 pm

As always Cleo, and all others without good outcomes of your adoption experiences......from whichever point of the triangle .....those of us with the experiences that mirror yours, feel the pain that you always feel, but which is heightened at certain times, like Christmas, and anniversaries.

As many of you know I am a mother of five, ranging in age from 48 - 35, and shortly to be grandmother of seven, as number seven is imminent just after Christmas........I was lucky, in that all my 5 children were born within marriage.......well, two marriages actually..... and I never had the terror of being alone, deserted, homeless, penniless, ostracised, disowned by my parents....who by the way were my adoptive parents ...... and who with others, 'expected' that an adopted child might well go 'off the rails'.... and I have no idea how my parents would have reacted had one of the few chances that I took had resulted in a pregnancy........ but I do recall the horror and distress of the parents of my closest friend when she 'got caught' as it was put in those days......the mid 1960s.....

Three of my beloved grandchildren have been born 'without benefit of clergy' ....... for two of them, their fathers are 'up to the mark', for one of them his father is 'flaky' despite the best efforts of our daughter to keep him in the loop.......however, my point is that never, never, would my husband and I have considered sending our daughter away, or cutting off our son ........and never, never would we have allowed any of the children to be lost to adoption.......had the circumstances demanded it, we would have had them fact our daughter and two grandsons have lived with us for many years, and only recently have their own house, which is just across the road from us, so we are available for school runs and 'minding' when she is at work.....

So..... all one can do is to send cyber hugs and strengthening thoughts to everyone........ I hope you can all get on the forum because there have been some issues of access recently.......... above all try your best to be kind to yourselves ...

...... and Cleo, my offer still stands, about contacting your son personally......I think it very likely that his wife is putting the pictures up for you.......most people now know how to keep their pictures and information restricted to friends and family putting them on 'public' without that restriction would appear very naïve of a young internet savvy lady .......

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Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:37 pm

Re: Christmas

Postby sylvie 1 » Sat Dec 24, 2016 6:43 pm

Sending you all warm and caring thoughts this Christmas. I know it is a very difficult time of year, but you are all in my thoughts xxx

I just found this on the web, on a page which invites all who have experienced adoption to join in any conversation.
sylvie 1
Posts: 32
Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2015 5:54 pm

Re: Christmas

Postby cleo » Sun Dec 25, 2016 2:18 pm

Feeling overwhelmed and sad,

When its supposed to be a day of joy and love.......sat here on my toddy in my pjams with only my dogs as company, heyho and feeling the pressure that christmas brings, seeing other members of the family on fb having a lovely time and posting what presents they've had and what a great day it is...

Sylvie i read the link and woah yes i can certainly compare to that, my husband who is also military (and is serving at the moment, thats why i am alone) he has hardly ever tlaked about the horror he see's and i know i cannot even start to understand it, yet for 30+ years its been our life.

And yes like other birthmums, they know how one can feel, as they too have been through the same thing and oh would'nt it be lovely to meet up with another b.mum and just chat for hours and 'let it all out'..;knowing that there is undestanding on both sides.

Its hard when a reunion fails for whatever reason...if there really is a reason...i still find it hard to understand my sons reason and guess that he has looked upon me as an intense person!!! Which i am not, i gave him the space he needed, since the reunion, always asked nicely if it would be ok to meet up when he had time, i'd wait and wait, then get a reply to say sorry he left it late.....

I guess i find excuses for him, his loyalty towards his mum of course, but cannot understand why he treated me like he did......especially knowing i have always waited for him, yet 2 grandsons later and i am totally left out in the cold.

LA thankyou so much again for your offer, but firstly i think you have enough on your plate without having to worry about my problems, its very kind of you but i would rather you concentrated on getting yourself back to good i said before , my son made it clear in his text message i was no longer wanted in his life, i was to make no further contact with i will respect his wishes, all i ever wanted was the truth from him....even though it hurts like hell, i cannot barge my way into his life, i just would of liked to of known if he did really care for me for a short while, or if it was just on false pretensise to tell him about his past?

Anyway i'm off to eat some porridge, i hope some of you have a better day than me....but don't worry, tomorrow is another day, and when the dust settles i will celebrate my birthday with hubby when he gets back......i'm so lucky to have him, and understand abit how i must feel...the feeling is mutuel

Hugs to all who are having a rough day today xx
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