can anyone help

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Moderator: AfterAdoption

can anyone help

Postby sweet12 » Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:24 pm

hi all my long lost sister found me on facebook and she wants to meet her dad and she was in foster care and i dont know what i can do now please help
sweet12
 
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Re: can anyone help

Postby Turtle » Tue Dec 04, 2012 8:22 am

Hi sweet12.

You don't really say if you are happy that you have found your sister or whether this is creating some anxiety. I think that if you are pleased to have found her, then you should continue for a while to chat on facebook so that you can start to build up a relationship.

Will your dad want to meet her? What are his feelings about her?

I think it is so hard in these cases to please everyone. Sometimes, one person is desperate to meet up, whereas the other person may want nothing to do with the situation. That can create major problems. Even when both parties want to meet, this can still cause a certain amount of stress and so needs to be done carefully.

Perhaps if you could tell us a bit more about the situation, we could help more.
Turtle
 
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Re: can anyone help

Postby ladyarcher » Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:35 am

Quite right Turtle, we don't know quite enough yet to make good judgements on how best for you to proceed.....

...for example, you say that your sister was in foster care.................why was she in foster care,.......... and you have not said your age, or her age, or who is the elder.......is she out of foster care now........is she with her mother,.......... do you have different mothers, i.e. you are half sisters........if this is so, then your father is going to be put into a slightly difficult position with perhaps having to have contact with a previous partner, which his current wife/partner presumably your mother - could find uncomfortable.......are you living with your father and your mother together as a family, or is your father not living with your mother....or perhaps you are living with your father and not with your mother........are you supposed to know about your sister, has she always been spoken about freely, or has she been a secret that you have found out........was she adopted or was she always fostered........

........so many questions I know, but they all form part of the lives of a lot of people who can be affected by reunions........and you have to work out how each person will be affected so that you can do things in the most gentle and comfortable way for everyone......

I think that perhaps honesty is the best policy in that you could tell your father that you and your sister are in contact........it depends on the sort of relationship you have with your father and if you are able to talk to him without anger and/or upset for either of you.........

Come back to us with a bit more detail and we will try to help..

LA
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1973 - sadly missed b.father who died young but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters so when I made contact with them in Canada they were not shocked......three years ago finally found full sister who had been adopted separately, I had found out about her when I was 25, it took me forty years to find her......we are have great fun when we are together......we should not have been parted.....
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Re: can anyone help

Postby sweet12 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:45 pm

thanks for getting back got the same dad but diffent mum my sister as meet my dad and it was ok at frist but now she says to dad i will ring you but dont she text him saying it and dad is getting really upset and dont know what elce to do ?
sweet12
 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:31 pm

Re: can anyone help

Postby ladyarcher » Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:01 am

If your half sister is texting your father, then presumably he has her mobile no. and could phone her himself ....... you do not say how old you and your half sister are, but from your post, you sound too young to have to be trying to deal with this yourself......

LA
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Re: can anyone help

Postby sweet12 » Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:58 pm

my sister is 35 but now stoped talking to me or my dad but dont know what to really do now ?
sweet12
 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:31 pm

Re: can anyone help

Postby ladyarcher » Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:50 pm

Maybe try sending her a Christmas text or e-mail, just saying that you are thinking of her at Christmas and hope she is ok as you have not heard from her for a while .........always worth a try.......
LA
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