Suggestion

Just general chat

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Suggestion

Postby Turtle » Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:44 pm

I think we are all pretty fed up with the amount of spam on this site. It is getting so overwhelming, that is making making talking on here impossible.

I wondered if you would like to form a facebook group until we get this sorted. (I think my feeling is that we may never get this sorted, the admin don't seem to care about this site any more).

This is something we did with another forum I used. The site went down, and so whilst we couldn't access it, we chatted on facebook instead and it worked quite well.

We could just invite genuine members from this site by contacting them via PM's and it would mean no ugg boots spammers.

I have to say that I am not a facebook fan, but this might be a way of getting round this.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby Donotunderstand » Sun Oct 28, 2012 4:02 pm

I've been away for the weekend and just popped in to see whats happening and I'm shocked at the number of spam thats crept in during the last 2 days. Such a shame as the boards were getting quite busy. I know some people aren't keen on facebook but its a good suggestion.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
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Re: Suggestion

Postby Turtle » Sun Oct 28, 2012 4:12 pm

Well, I hate facebook, but it worked well on the site that I was on that was hit by a technical problem.

We could create a closed group and just invite people that we know. I realise that the layout and way that facebook operates isn't the same as a forum, but sometimes you just have to try and make the best of things.

I have really enjoyed chatting with people on here and it would be a shame for it all to fall apart because of the selfishness of a few spammers. We can't stop them ruining this site, but we can jump ship, swim to the shore.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby ladyarcher » Sun Oct 28, 2012 5:00 pm

While I understand where you are coming from, I truly do not think that the way FB pages are set out would work for us and the type of conversations that we have on here......I have joined the FB Adoptees only group, but have found it totally unsatisfactory, and will probably leave it when I work out how to.......I would rather keep hacking away at AA to do something about it........ there are phone nos. for the main AA site, and I think it would be good if we all tried phoning them tomorrow..........perhaps a load of phonecalls about the same subject would prod someone into action........there is also an e-mail bit where one can e-mail AA, which might alert someone, as complaining via the so called moderator obviously does not work.......
Got to go out now as it is older daughter's birthday..........back later

LA
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Re: Suggestion

Postby skyebluepink » Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:22 pm

That sounds like a good idea to me. It would be nice to have just people from the forums in a closed group - I'm also in the fb group that LA is in and it is rather extreme in some of the opinions. One of the things I like about Facebook is that it's a bit more "immediate" and real-time than the forums - I don't know about everyone else, but I'm on Facebook many times a day. Sometimes it can take a while to get messages answered on here just because people haven't logged on for a while. Obviously, anyone advertising ugg boots would NOT be welcome! Are you volunteering to set one up turtle? Obviously, people who don't like Facebook wouldn't have to join, and it could be an additional space to the forums, not a replacement. I still think it is important that messages are still posted on here because there is such a wealth of advice and support on here - who knows how many people are not members of the forum, but read the posts in order to get the help they need.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby Josie » Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:00 pm

Re Facebook idea...that's terrific that you are thinking around this Turtle. I'd imagine there would be a few that would appreciate using FB.
I have to say though, I'd like to see After Adoption just operating as per normal.
There are years of valuable threads and postings here that actually still get read, even if they are are several years old.
I know this through a few PMs both recently and in the past.

The forum does has a "feel" to it which isn't about being instaneous, but about allowing for some fairly indepth personal statements and discussions that feel confidential in this setting.
The fact that it is attached directly to the website of After Adoption services also helps to maintain a sense of it being a place "to go" for some, perhaps.
There is really no reason at all why After Adoption can't sort it.
Delete and ban user accounts as needed and we should be OK...right? :-)

PS, I tried the block foe option - am I thick or something, it doesnt seem to have worked for me - I still see diabolitiwhatsits everywhere in full.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby ladyarcher » Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:18 pm

Me too, Josie ...........I couldn't 'foe' him either ............ I notice that when you click on his name it tells you that he is 39 and likes walking.......as well as something about not making money ........ did not re-look at this before starting this post so can't remember it word for word .......... anyway, I think that I will attempt to ring AA tomorrow..........still not sure, though, if this is a good plan.....what do others think....... I wouldn't do it until after lunch so there is time if people think it is a bad idea............. I don't want to prod anyone there into just stopping the forum because they perceive it as a nuisance.........

I am totally with Josie in wanting things to remain as they are because I do feel that the way it works is helpful to people...

.... I know sometimes there is a gap when someone new has made a post and it has not been answered, but it usually gets picked up quite soon ......... correct me if I am wrong, but I think that a while ago one always got a 'ping' when there was a new post on any area, but that does not happen now, and often not even on posts that are ongoing......it's probably me not ticking all the 'notify me when a reply is posted' boxes....... but I do look at the site several times a day and check the posts that flag as 'unread', so I don't think I miss much, apart from the times that I cannot get the internet when we are camping........and I know I missed a few when I was in hospital three weeks ago.........

And yes....SkyBP........ that FB site is very fierce......... you will probably have seen that I have just had a bit of a drubbing from some of them........

LA
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Re: Suggestion

Postby skyebluepink » Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:44 pm

My goodness LA have just read what they wrote on the fb group and there's really no need for speaking to people in such a blunt and harsh manner, especially when we're talking about such a sensitive topic. I don't know why they feel the need to be so hostile to birth parents. Some of the bm's on here are the loveliest people and give a much needed alternative perspective. Talking to people like athensrunner, Josie and sylvie in particular has given me a lot of comfort and helped me understand my bm. I've now left the fb group. A shame because there were some good links to other sites on there, but I don't want to be part of something so venomous. I'm going away for a couple of days, but when I get back, if no-one has beaten me to it, then I might have a play around and try to set up a closed group for those who wish to be part of it.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby ladyarcher » Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:10 pm

Hi SKBP

I suppose you can see how one of them particularly feels, as she says her adoption was due to neglect/cruelty.......and usually I will put a caveat in any posts I make that cover this, but this time I didn't....... not sure if it would have soothed ruffled feathers though......... I just felt that possibly the word 'sorry' could have been included in the 'dismissal'........ something like 'We are sorry this site is for adoptees only, as there are people who have good reason to be frightened of being traced'........ then there could have been a short list of other sites that might be of more help to this particular person..........

Maybe it's my age, I just get rather annoyed when people treat others in an unfeeling way and are rude or curt ....... it is so unnecessary, life can be harsh enough without gratuitous nastiness.......it costs nothing to give a gentle answer........it doesn't mean that people have to give up their principles, as those on that thread seem to feel..........there is no doubt that adoption can be hell for some people, but that does not mean that it is right to pass on their pain to others.....I see that as a form of bullying....... it is said that the bullied become bullies themselves........maybe that is true, but it doesn't make it right....

LA
.....
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Re: Suggestion

Postby ladyarcher » Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:11 pm

PS....... hope your couple of days away are for nice reasons........ :P
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Re: Suggestion

Postby Turtle » Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:13 pm

It isn't facebook that is the problem, it is the people that write on it. When a group of us from another forum set up a facebook group, because the forum went down, it operated with the same courtesy and respect that the forum did. I think most places have a feel. If the forum encourages ranting and spite, then that is who it is going to appeal to. If it encourages open mindedness and acceptance, then again, it will attract people who want to chat on that basis.

In some ways it would be better if a long term member set up the facebook group, if that is what people want. I have only been on here five minutes and am still trying to work out who everyone is. On the facebook group we did, it was run by three long term forum members and we only invited people that we knew had been on the site a while, so that we didn't get any spam or nasty posting. I would have to look back at how much you can moderate the site, it is such a long time ago now. We only did it short term, as soon as the actually forum was back up and running we all went back to that. We basically did it so that, regardless what happened to the forum, we could all stay in touch.

Basically, I want this forum to work, I prefer forums, but if we don't get a choice because AA keep ignoring us, then I think that facebook could be better than nothing.
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Re: Suggestion

Postby ladyarcher » Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:42 pm

Of course, you are quite right Turtle, it is not the fault of FB........ I only use FB to see pics. of my children and grandchildren that they put up, and sometimes to send them a pm as they tend to use FB more than checking their e-mails..........and certainly being able to keep the group in contact would be a good thing.....but there are so many of us, going back years and years.......... and some will pop up again months or even years later when they hit another problem........ and they would not know where we had all gone .........don't know how we would get round that......computer technology is not my strong point as you will have realised.........even leaving messages about where we had gone, would get swamped by Uggs very quickly I would guess........

this is the reply e-mail I got from Uggs Australia by the way........

Dear Mrs ......
Thank you for your e-mail. I am deeply sorry that this is happening. I can guarantee that this person does not represent Ugg Australia - I will be forwarding your e-mail to our Counterfeit Department so the issue will hopefully be taken care of.
I am so sorry that someone claiming to represent our Company is being so disrespectful........If we can be of any further assistance please do not hesitate to contact us at .................... there is then a phone no. and times of day weekdays and weekends that the phone is manned and a signatory name, and the position in the company that the signatory occupies.......... .......if anyone wants this name and phone numbers send me a pm........I won't put them on the site in case a certain person notices them.........

LA

....
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Re: Suggestion

Postby Turtle » Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:18 pm

ladyarcher wrote:..and certainly being able to keep the group in contact would be a good thing.....but there are so many of us, going back years and years.......... and some will pop up again months or even years later when they hit another problem........ and they would not know where we had all gone .........don't know how we would get round that.
....


That is why I suggested more long term members taking on the challenge. They would have a better idea of who the regulars are and could make contact with them via the PM system. I realise it isn't ideal, but it may be a way of making sure that you all stay in touch with people that you have chatted with over the years and hopefully, some of which, have become friends. I know that has been the case with people I have chatted with online. I would hate to lose contact with them because a forum had gone down.
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