Dark Days

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Dark Days

Postby cleo » Thu Dec 15, 2016 10:10 pm

Evening everyone,

Well not been a fab week, a friend of mine ended up in hospital the weekend, she tried to commit suicide.

I have had alot to think about these past few years and i can now honestly say that i can understand why some people would try and take their lives.

Having certain people push you to a point of no return making you feel useless and unworthy, i now know because i too have had these 'Dark Days' where i have felt that there is no reason to carry on, i had a candle burning all these years with a glimmer of hope that my son may come and look for me. But now the candle is no more. I have been close to the edge but never tipped over because i know i could never go that far.

My friend was tipped over because of family but mainly her eldest sister belittling her amongst other things. We had met up just a couple of weeks ago because she was feeling down and upset, we had a good chat and she said you would not be bullied....but i guess it got too much for her in the end.

Well with christmas drawing closer, there are many people out there that are not looking forward this time for whatever reason, it is not always the season to be jolly, in fact it can be a very lonely time for alot of us.

But i do want to thankyou all for taking time out to reply to messages and the kind words that are given through this forum, it helps alot knowing there is somebody out there, having the same emotions and understanding what one or the other can be going through.... Take care everyone you are my source of hope out there xx
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Re: Dark Days

Postby sylvie 1 » Wed Dec 28, 2016 9:41 pm

I've only just seen this Cleo, so sorry for not responding sooner. I think it's very important to have someone to be able to talk to whether that's a friend, spouse or counsellor.
I hope you're feeling okay x
sylvie 1
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Re: Dark Days

Postby ladyarcher70 » Thu Dec 29, 2016 3:22 pm

Hi, Sylvie1, and Cleo........

I think this decision of whether to 'talk' or not to talk, about things varies greatly between people........ it depends mostly, I think, on ones own make up and education....... reading has a great deal to do with it...... one of my girls, when talking about the problems with her two sisters-in-law, commented that neither had a sense of humour, nor personal insight........ the reason she gave for this was that they never read ...

(.. now in our family we are virtually joined at the hip to books. As an only child they have always been my treasure, my escape, my friends........so I would even be reading while breast feeding as well as watching baby. I usually have several books on the go.......one near the aga to read while stirring things......lol....one in the 'loo......several by the bed depending on late night choices......and the idea of people not reading is quite weird to us) My husband taught English Literature, and his degree is in Old English and Anglo Saxon.......so our children get it from both sides I guess.

But to return to 'talking about stuff' ......I rarely talk about feelings, but will write, as you all know......my husband, who is so intelligent I wonder what he is doing with me, neither talks about, nor writes, but analyses and internalises everything and comes up with the answer....... he was in a double express form at Grammar School.......i.e. taught with boys two years his senior ..... had the options of several university places, and was also head hunted by GCHQ....and offered a research post at the British Museum.........like I say, what is he doing with me.......well, I can cook......lol....

I think in many ways, reading a lot, is helpful when trying to make sense of situations...... there are few situations that are not dealt with in great literature, and even in the plenitude of light fiction...... and just the realisation that you are not the only one in the world to have this experience, or feeling......is helpful. It can help to talk to people, but not always...... usually it is only helpful if that person too, has had a similar experience.......and can also sometimes point a way through it.... if someone constantly talks about their problem to others who have know knowledge or experience of it, then there is no comfort or feedback, because however much they love you, and want to help, they literally don't know what you are talking about.......

I feel like that when I think that no-one who hasn't had a baby, - I had five - should be a midwife.......and no-one who hasn't lost their husband or wife, should 'counsel' those recently widowed.....

...you will be jumping ahead of me now, I expect......but to follow this analogy through, those who have not been on 'planet adoption' either as adoptee, or as birth parent,...... and it is not only birth mothers who hurt,........ should not be counselling, or having anything to do with arranging adoptions....... adoption is not the 'beautifully cut and dried' system, that cures all ills that the tv programmes would have us believe........like a 'dog is for life, not just for Christmas'.....so is adoption..... and even after one's adoptive parents are long gone, and one's birth parents are long gone, one is still 'adopted'.....so adoption is for the life of the adoptee, not just for the adopting parents...

As is often the case when one starts the hare of thought running....one is not quite sure where it is going.....or where it has gone.....and re-reading this it looks in places rather random .....but hopefully bits make sense to some of you at some level....

On a lighter note....to counter the Dark Days title of this topic, I notice that being past the longest night, my hens are going in a few minutes later, as it is staying light a few minutes longer....so the season of hope and rebirth and Spring, is creeping in ..

..hopefully, Cleo, your friend will gain the strength to realise that it is the bully who truly is the one feeling 'little'..........not your friend......bullys have to hurt others in order to make themselves feel ok..... so your friend must turn her thoughts to pitying her older sister, and pitying her older sister's need to hurt.......your friend will have something, some gift, some talent, whatever, that her older sister envies or is jealous of.......... perhaps that thought will give your friend the strength to ignore her sister's barbs.......and turn her despair to pity .......

LA70 ........ wishing you all a hopeful New Year
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Re: Dark Days

Postby cleo » Sat Dec 31, 2016 3:57 pm

Sylvie and LA

Just reading your post, LA again you have a great way of putting things, then on a lighter note, ha yes i also have chickens although battling with some chicks that decide the grass is greener on the other side!!!

It's not always easy as you say, i normally do not talk to people about my problems, i try to solve them by myself. And to be honest i do not trust alot of people either, years of experience has taught me to be careful who i 'spill the beans' too.

I think too that councellars should only be people that also have experineced the same sort of trauma to totally understand and give advise.

Your husband sounds like a very interesting person and with so much knowledge. So glad you can cook ;-)

My friend has to stay in hospital as the doctors think her trauma is too deep to be able to leave hospital for the moment, i have also told her that i think her sister is just out to be spiteful because she is jealous for is hurting in some way and is taking it out on her...i have the same with one of my sisters....but i do not take any notice. She always makes out that her life is now great and that she's come along way from her childhood past...she was the one who had it the easiest as she was the youngest, but tells everyone she had it hard.

She cannot remember what i went through and because it has never ever been mentioned she knows nothing about my life or what i went through.

Anyway, its nearly the new year, so here's hoping that all will be well for all of us
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