Adoptee's thoughts

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Adoptee's thoughts

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:43 am

I couldn't put the full title of my forthcoming post in the 'subject' box, because it is too long.......but the 'thoughts' are mine, and have come to me on seeing my granddaughter achieve the age I was when I was adopted.......

I was parted from my b.mother, three older half-siblings, my grandfather, and my b.father, and my new baby full sister when I was just under 17 months old....... I know, from people who knew me then, that I was already walking, talking in sentences, and fairly 'forward' in development generally .....

At that rather significant stage of development, I was put in a childrens' home........and never saw any of my family again .....

The import of this, obviously struck me when my own two daughters particularly, reached that age...... I also have three boys, two are the older half bros. of the girls, and are ten years older than them, and one is their younger full brother ..

.. however the import has struck me with even more force now, because our granddaughter has just reached that age ...... our granddaughter sees us almost daily, she lives with her parents(our second daughter and her husband), and her 14 year old half brother in the next village to ours, and also sees and plays almost daily with her five year old cousin who lives in our village with our older daughter .....she sees one uncle and aunt (my oldest son and his wife) several times a week, they are three miles away in the nearest town, and another uncle and aunt (my second son and his wife)every week or so. Our youngest son lives in Cornwall so we sadly don't see him so often ....we live in Wales.

Our granddaughter therefore, has a very close knit family......she is very forward, was walking and running about efficiently by the time she was ten months....she is now sixteen months, talks well in sentences, knows lots of nursery rhymes and songs, can tell you if there is one bird or two birds on the bird table, or tv.....knows who everyone is and their names, also the names of all the family dogs, and if they are big or small........knows colours and numbers, and recognises herself in a mirror......... she is not a genius, any child that has a lot of input is potentially able to do the same........ and she has a lot of input ........

Now,........ I just imagine what confusion there would be if she were suddenly put somewhere totally different, a childrens' home, and never saw any of us again....., had new people with different names, different words for things, different routine, and then, in two months time, at about eighteen months old, when she might just be slightly making a bit of sense out of things......another total change, from a noisy crowded childrens' home with lots of age groups, to a 'new' mummy and daddy ........ a practically silent house ...... a different 'grandfather'....... no brothers or sisters again ever......different words for things like toilet, and bed, and different foods....new different clothes too......... nothing, absolutely nothing, from already two 'past lives'.........

When my own two daughters reached 16 months, (they are now 36 and 33) I obviously thought a lot about my 'previous' life, but I was thinking about it much more from the point of view of my b.mother, and how she must have felt at losing her toddler and her new baby.....and in fact fairly shortly after that, she also lost custody of my three older halfsiblings ......... but thinking of it now, while watching our granddaughter, my thoughts are far more based on what sort of impact this would have on a child of that age ...... and if I let myself,....... sometimes......., I weep...., not only for my mother losing her children,......... but also for myself, and the loss of what was then, my world......

LA70
born 1944 - adopted 1946
ladyarcher70
 
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Re: Adoptee's thoughts

Postby Donotunderstand » Fri Dec 04, 2015 8:34 am

We were involved in the decision making when our nieces and nephews were removed permanently from their parents. I have to be honest, in those dark days, we thought more about their future than the present/past lives of the children.

Your thoughts have brought home to me the losses felt by the children and I am overwhelmed with sadness.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
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Re: Adoptee's thoughts

Postby sylvie 1 » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:09 pm

LadyArcher, I read your post some while ago but have been stymied by lost passwords etc. It's Sylvie here.

When I read your post, I felt so moved, moved to tears by what you had written.

You have shown such compassion for women like myself who lost our children to adoption.

I am glad your huge heart has now turned its great compassion also towards your little self. I have long felt such tenderness for the little child you were, caught up in a maelstrom of circumstances.

Thank you so much for sharing such deep and private thoughts with us. I feel honoured to bear witness to them.
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