Looking for help

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Looking for help

Postby Paul2706 » Fri Aug 22, 2014 9:10 pm

Hello. I’m new to this and I’m looking for some advice as to what to do next. Let me explain.
I was born in 1957 to a couple who were not married. By birth mother was sent away to give birth to me and when I was 3 month old I was adopted.
I did not find out until I was about 14 that I was adopted and then it was a slip pf the tong. I did not do any think about it until I was about 36 years old and I had a lot of memory’s that did not make since. So I got in touch with social services and they did some digging around and confirmed that I was adopted.
After counselling and being given all the paper work about my adoption I was able to fill in a lot of gaps in my life. Memory’s started to make since. I did some research and found out about my birth mother and father. She did not married him but did marry someone else (I have a marriage certificate).
My father I have not been able to find any think out about. My own child hood was very difficult and social services were involved in a big way. Not to put a too fine a point to it I did not meet my adopted mothers requirements and she demanded test be done on me as well as back ground checks on my birth parents. Both my adopted parents have long gone and I’m still wondering what to do for the best.
I have a load of info but I’m looking for help in what to do next. I suppose I’m looking for someone to guide me throw what I should do next.
I would like to now if they are still alive. (Up to 5 years ago mother was alive). I know where she was living but I’m in a situation where I don’t have a load of money to spend on searching. But I do won’t to know if she still thinks about me.
Can anyone tell me what to do or were I should find help
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 9:46 am

Re: Looking for help

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:01 pm

Hello Paul, and welcome .........interesting that you had some memories of 'before' ........I did too, although I was adopted when I was two and a half, and as far as I have been able to find out I was with my birth parents until I was around two, then in a childrens' home while an adoptive place was found for me.........when I found my older half sisters they confirmed that these memories belonged to the time 'before'........which was nice to know........

Searching can be quite expensive, sending for certificates, going to places etc.........if you know where your b.mother was five years ago, the simplest first thing you could do is to look up the electoral roll.........you can do this on line for free up to a certain amount of detail, then you have to pay.......but usually you can get the info. you want particularly if you are looking for not totally common names such as Smith......or some Welsh surnames there are just hundreds of with the same Christian names........however you know the area, so that should work........of course some people do not bother to register to vote, although we are supposed to at least register.....

I assume you have had the Adoption Contact Register checked for you ............if you went through the local authority to get the information that you have they certainly should have checked the Register......you can of course put yourself on the register if you are not already on it......, it does cost, but not an enormous amount......and it is run by the Government, so is not a profit making private concern....

I did all my own searching back in 1966, way before the internet......I was lucky in that my a.mother had told me my birth surname, and it was unusual, so getting my birth cert. was easy.........in fact it was my b.father who had registered my birth, and by doing so had, of course, confirmed that he was my father....(it was wartime and my b.mother was already married, as was my b.father)................ I didn't do a lot more for a couple of years.......then in 1968 my first husband and I moved out of London, and were living in a small town only about 30 miles from the village where I was born...........I did not drive then, but I made my husband take me to find the house ...........I knocked on next door and asked for my b.mother by name as if I was unsure of the exact address...........although I was 25, and had not been there since I was two, by chance the lady who answered my knock had lived there a very long time, and instantly recognised me because I looked like my b.father..........she had been close to my b.mother all those years ago, and had kept in touch with her for a while, but had lost touch with my b.mother about 15 years earlier.........however she had a rough idea on the village grapevine of the area my mother had gone to, and had also heard that she had remarried, been very ill, might have died............I sent for a search in the registry office for the area the neighbour had said........a large town on the South Coast, and a marriage cert was sent to me..........some years later, after I had got divorced and learned to drive........I went there, and following a trail of information via several addresses, I found her..............and happily was able to know her for around ten years until she died.......I did not look for my b.father at that time, although once I did do it, it was ridiculously easy ........ an unusual name of course, helped......sadly he had died relatively young......yet all my younger 'halves' on his side had always known about me.....so now I am in touch with my huge family in Canada which is lovely........

I also discovered that I had a full sister who had been adopted separately to me.......I found her five years ago, after a forty year search, but that is another story.....

Anyway, there are other odds and ends that you can do...........for example, put a notice in the personal column of the local paper where your b.mother was living five years ago.......do it discreetly, just as if you were an old friend looking for her..............people are often keen to give information, so someone might know her.........if the address is not too far away from you, you could actually go there, and knock on doors like I did, but you will know yourself what your own circumstances are, and if you could do this.........

If you want to send me a private message with names and dates that you have.........we don't put names of people we are looking for on the open message board...........I might be able to suggest other ways of searching that would be useful or helpful........You may have read some of the posts by our b.mothers who are on this forum, and will have read of the dreadful pain that they had for years of not knowing how their child is.........so somewhere, your b.mother may have been hoping all these years that she could know what happened to her baby.........I know now that my b.father had hoped and hoped, and I left it too late ..........

born 1944 -adopted 1946
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Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:37 pm

Re: Looking for help

Postby Paul2706 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:53 pm

Hi Ladyarcher70
Thanks for getting back to me. Yes I have a lot of information to hand but it’s knowing what to do with it. I don’t live around the area that I know she lives in so that would be out of the question. I’ve just spent the last 4 hours trying to find my way around Ancestry.co.uk and have found out information that relates to the paper work I have. But then I hit a brick wall and don’t know where or what to do next. I keep going around in circles. I will PM you with the information I’m holding and see what you can suggest.
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 9:46 am

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