Initial Letter & Adoption File

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Initial Letter & Adoption File

Postby sunny02 » Tue Aug 12, 2014 10:32 am

Firstly, hello everyone. OK, so this is my first post on here and I want to tell you a little bit about my story & my adoption file.
I received a letter on a Saturday approx 8/9 weeks ago that to be honest completely turned my life upside down! My initial reaction was : 'who's this who wants to come into my life, who do they they think they are, what gives them the right, birth mother, birth father, brothers/sisters, who, etc, etc. It was such a shock, after all I'm not far from 50 years old (give or take!!), so why now, why after all this time, what do they want? Being totally honest this wasn't ever going to happen to me, if it were it would have happened years ago! Again, being honest, I've always known that I was adopted, I can't ever remember being told, it's just something that I've always known...and that's been fine, but I also wasn't ever going to find (or try to) my birth mother - I've never wished any harm or had any bad feeling, if anything I might have said 'thank you' because my adopted parents were quite simply just fabulous people (I've had a good life). So, after making a call on the Monday I found out it was infact my birth mother who is looking for shock!! I wanted to know (not being horrible!), is she dying, why now, etc etc!! (which thankfully she isn't, she's just fine). I also learned that I have an adoption come I've never know this before? I want this file! I need to see/have this file!! So cutting a very long story shorter!!.....I now have my file and I'm so glad that I went down this road to get it. Yes, it's taken time during which my head has been all over the place, as I'm sure it has for my birth mother too (she's been so very patient and understanding while I souce my file). 'Gosh', what to say??'s given me a huge insight into how things were back all those years ago, I've learned things about me & my birth that I never knew (ie my birth time & weight, etc), I've been able to piece together things thats have been missing from my life (even though I didn't think they had).....put simply....'wow' what an experience! I have to say, for me it's been a really good thing; there are still a few gaps that need to be filled which I'm sure my birth mother will do in time.....and yes, incase you're wondering....I can't wait to meet her and give her a 'huge' hug.....yes, of course I'm nervous, but I'm also excited (and she probably is too!)... I feel like a a 'giddy' little kid!!
We're still to talk before we go onto meet, we live miles apart, but I can drive, so not a problem!!....not sure when this will happen yet, but its definitely getting nearer.
Don't know if my post on here will be any use, but I guess I'm just trying to say that if you haven't seen your adoption file, then it maybe an idea to get yours....for me it's been a really good experience (which I wish for anyone else the same) and something that I wish I'd known about years ago as I'd have done this so much birth mother is now a 'real' person, who has lived a 'real' life...she is no longer someone who 'just gave birth to me'...she exsists, she's alive, fit & healthy...and that for me is 'brilliant' xx
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Re: Initial Letter & Adoption File

Postby julie2009 » Wed Aug 13, 2014 9:38 am

Hi Sunny02

It just proves how our lives can be turned upside down. I was the one who initiated contact like a lot of adoptees on this forum but sadly it has all fizzled out.
I discovered shortly after all this my BM had died at a young age but managed to trace her sister and just last week she suggested it was all too much for her to cope with as it was affecting her health and to leave things which I did.

I think when a BM contacts the child they gave up you see things more clearly and it proves they wanted to search for you and want you in their lives and of course you will be nervous and excited at the same time and I wish you all the best.

Regarding your adoption file I was given mine too well to say a file it consisted of 2 A4 pages with relevant details but nothing else really but again I think this is all down to whoever handled the adoption at the time. I remember when I received my original BC I got a shock because I always had the picture in my head that my BM was from the same town I was born in which wasn't true - she lived some distance away. I actually travelled to the town where she came from at the start of the week but didn't fully realise I wasn't that far away from the street where she once lived and where her sister now lives. I was actually scrutinising people who bore a resemblance to her wondering if they were related.

Have you saw any photos of your BM yet and can you see any resemblances?

I really wish you all the best for the future and fingers crossed your contact will continue for a very long time.

Julie xx
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Re: Initial Letter & Adoption File

Postby sunny02 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 3:43 pm

Hello Julie2009
Thank you for your post, sorry I'd totally forgotten I'd put my original post on here! - am going to blame that on my head having been all over the place!
I'm sorry to hear that your story hasn't been an easy one, I can't say I know how you're feeling, but I am thinking of you.
I have posted again recently with regards to the meeting I've now had with my birth mother (having forgotten I'd posted previously about my file!); but, yes I did have a photo she'd sent to me beforehand, wow....I look sooo much more like her in real life...very scary actually (but in a nice way)!
Take care
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Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2014 11:24 am

Re: Initial Letter & Adoption File

Postby sylvie » Sun Oct 12, 2014 2:48 pm

Hi Sunny O2

Your first post was infectious in its bubbliness!
I wish you every happiness in the future.

Just a little note of caution here about the content of adoption files:

I now have a copy of some of the (non-identifying) paperwork that I think would be in my son's adoption file.
I was shocked to read that, according to the professional writing one of the entries, I had never wavered in my decision to have my son adopted.
That simply wasn't true.
I have a diary entry for that time that describes going to my social worker and saying how much I didn't want my son to go to strangers. I actually wrote down the conversation we had.
So what's in the file isn't necessarily the truth - it is often an impression, or what the professional person writing it wanted to see.
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
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