Need to be sure

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Need to be sure

Postby tizzkins » Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:11 pm

Hi all not been on here for a while but i know how supportive you have all been to me in the past. I really need some support at the moment it has come to be that the person who i thought was my biological mother may not have been and there is a possibility of my elder sister being my mum. Does anyone know of any way i could check to see what i can find out. This is really winding me up as i know longer know what or who to believe.

Thanks for all your advice in advance.
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Re: Need to be sure

Postby Donotunderstand » Sat Aug 09, 2014 10:08 am

Hi, Could you get a copy your original birth certificate? I can't think of any other way of finding out unless you try Ancestry of FindmyPast.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
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Re: Need to be sure

Postby tizzkins » Sat Aug 09, 2014 11:02 am

Hi thanks for replying. I do have my original birth certificate so i do know who my mum is well who is on the birth certificate anyway. Its my social services file that brings on some confusion as there is part of it which refers to my sister possibly having been my mum but its something that could be read two ways. I also had a friend look over my file and it was her who planted the idea in my head when she said that she thought my sister was my mum which was something that had really come out of the blue.
tizzkins
 
Posts: 130
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Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Need to be sure

Postby janc » Sat Aug 09, 2014 2:11 pm

This is a difficult one isn't it and I can understand your need to unearth the actual truth. I think possibly the only way to do so would be confirmation from a birth family member as all official documentation will show the lady on your b/c as having been your mother.I do wonder however if the file is merely acknowledging that your sister had acted as your mother and met your needs as such which is not unusual where a mother cannot fulfill those duties herself. Things can sometimes be written in such an ambiguous manner it is hard to decipher the truth behind the words.
I do hope you are able to find an answer to this as your mind must be overflowing with new questions x
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Re: Need to be sure

Postby ladyarcher70 » Sun Aug 10, 2014 12:23 pm

If your sister is old enough to have been your b.mother, and was unmarried, then it is quite possible that she was your b.mother........many people discover in later life that the person who brought them up as their mother, was in fact their grandmother..... grandmother would have pretended to be mother in order to save the daughter from the stigma of being an unmarried mother, and to save the child the stigma of being illegitimate........of course it would also depend on her husband being part of the conspiracy.......if at some time this 'conspiracy' broke down, in that perhaps 'father' who was really grandfather declined to allow it, then that could be the point at which the child.....in this case yourself.......might have been put up for adoption........ or you could think that your sister was married, or about to be married but not to your b.father, and that might be why she is not on your b.cert. as being your b.mother....

Families, and their various reasons and decisions for actions, are infinitely weird and convoluted.........and from time to time the machinations are found out, and the secrecy breaks down and the secret comes out..........to extend the imagined scene in your life, it could be that grandfather was not around at the time grandmother pretended to have had you, and on his return he disagreed with the decision........you can imagine all sorts of different scenarios for such a thing, and it could be true that your 'half sister' was your b.mother......or it could be that it was just a suspicion on behalf of the social worker at the time, and that is why she wrote ambiguously, but that it was really not true at all.....

As I said, there are so many reasons, and you can doubtless think of other scenarios ......... I suppose perhaps dna might settle it, but I don't know .....

LA70
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