A question for Adoptee's

Moderator: AfterAdoption

A question for Adoptee's

Postby cleo » Thu May 08, 2014 11:32 am

Hi everyone

I just wanted to ask adoptee's who have searched and found their birth mums, when you had the reunion what happened, did you back down because it all got too much, and if so did you get back in contact with your birth mum after a long period of time or did you think that now you have found her you could let sleeping dogs lie?

I would be interested in your views as adopted children, trying to understand my son's reaction to our reunion...thankyou
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: A question for Adoptee's

Postby rodsmith » Thu May 08, 2014 5:30 pm

Hi Cleo
I found my bm after 25 years of searching in jan/feb of this year. I should imagine it affects people in different ways, but for us its going from strength to strength.

The first meet was hard and emotional for both of us. Her husband had known about me for 40 years and was brilliant and I finally got to meet the 2 half brothers I never knew I had. We have met up a further 3 times since and each one has got better, they stayed with us over easter and I got to meet 1 of my aunties, We are all going away together for a long week next bank holiday where I will get to meet my other auntie and uncle.

For me its been great( and my kids love having another nanny) I guess i'm one of the lucky ones who its worked out for.
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:17 am

Re: A question for Adoptee's

Postby cariad1 » Sat May 10, 2014 6:02 pm

Hi Cleo

I'm now 3.5 years into reunion with my BM. I searched for her although I was aware that she had put herself on NORCAP contact register when I first decided to look and this gave me confidence that she might want contact from me (still scary though and always still threat of rejection). We text daily now - that happened gradually to be honest when we first met she told me she hardly switched her phone on so it's great she has embraced that as a way of contact. We have just had a weekend together me meeting more family members and one's I've met previously. Her husband knew nothing of me but couldn't have been more welcoming.

It's sometimes strange my b.auntie was asking about my adopted family because as she explained they know nothing about this family and don't like to ask too many questions. I do feel torn my new family are all embracing and look like me and are a lot like me. But also I have another family and A. Brother and A.Sister who truth be known I'm not sure understand that I have another family on the other side and why I needed to find them. I only started searching when my A.mum became ill with Alzheimer's and never told my late A.dad I had found my b.mum. I never wanted to hurt them and I feel most people in the non adopted world still see someone tracing and finding their birth family as a snub/rejection to adopted parents. It isn't but there is a lot of pressure explaining to those people. I don't know if I would have the confidence at a younger age to explain myself to others and to have had the two lives running parallel as they do now.

Don't know if that helps at all.

Hugs Cariad xxxxx
Posts: 188
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:37 pm

Re: A question for Adoptee's

Postby cleo » Mon May 12, 2014 1:17 pm

Thankyou Rodsmith and cariad

I'm so happy that for the both of you things have worked out...sadly my son has stopped all contact with me, and i do not know the reason why, he found me after deciding to look for me after 30 years, he knew about me since an early age as his A.parents were very honest about him being adopted, but then his dad died, so i think that gave him the push to look for me.

I was over the moon, we met up and got on really well, but then after 4 months things started to slide, he needed time, although we did'nt see each other often as i don't live in the same country. I also have my first Grandson, he was a year old at the time.

Anyway i was supposed to meet up with my son after his birthday he said he was thinking of a good day.....that was a year ago...and over 2 years ago since i last saw him. In that time he has closed down his email account and moved house and just wondering when will be the day he blocks me from his phone if its not already done?!!

I have gone over a million things trying to work out what was said or done to upset him in anyway but always a blank wall. I'm not sure he ever told his mum about me, because at the time she had just lost her husband so not a good time really...and then he said he never looked for me before because of the loyalty he had with his parents, which i can understand.

I guess i will just have to wait and see if ever one day i'll get another email out of the blue....but i don't hold much hope for that, i miss him and my Grandson so much, but i guess things were just not mean't to be, well thats what i tell myself somedays, other days i just want to go and find him and ask what i've done so wrong, he knows how much i care about him and that i've always thought about him.

I wish you both the best of luck in your future reunions and thankyou for replying.
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Return to Adopted People

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests