just a dream

Moderator: AfterAdoption

just a dream

Postby cleo » Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:18 pm

Hello everyone,

Well what can i say......my emotions seem to change with the seasons, one minute i'm feeling fine, then the next, confused and upset.

At the moment i am going through a period where i am thinking that as the years are going by...2 years, since i last saw my son and grandson, that maybe it was all just a dream...that i was in another dimension somehow.....

i've been going over a million things trying to work out what went wrong, but have no answers and know i will never get any answers....maybe i should ask the children who have been adopted and who go looking for their BP, why once finding them, do they let go? Is it because their satifaction of finally knowing, they can close the chapter. Do they realise the pain some BM's go through all over again, trying to hold onto fragments, bits of memories slowly fading away again.

Yes i have a few photos of my son that luckily i took while with him for the short 9 hours we spent together, but now when i look at them.....i have so many things going through my mind...why doe'nst he want to know me anymore, i miss my grandson so much, sometimes i wish he never came looking for me...before i had pain, but there was nothing i could do about it...now i have pain and i still cannot do nothing about it...but it hurts more because i know he's out there, knowing he has cut me off but always wondering if he doe's think about me and how i must be feeling.

Will he ever come looking for me again...honestly...i don't think so...he has cut all the communications possible...even moved away..so no more sending birthday cards or presents for him or my grandson.....

Thankyou all for listening and reading my mail, hoping you are all doing ok in your situations...
cleo
 
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