newbie story

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Re: newbie story

Postby david140288 » Wed Mar 19, 2014 11:15 pm

Wow! what a story and I am genuinely gutted for you. I really appreciate you sharing your story so thank you for that.

your hurt must be similar to mine as we started communicating and within 4 days all communication was cut.

the thing was that all the signs were positive. then bam the rug was taken under my feet with no explanation - if there was a slight explanation then i suppose i could have come to terms with it but like you there was nothing.

I have not written this letter or got a copy of the photo that I discussed earlier in the post yet probably through a fear of being hurt again. But then again things cant get much worse than they are just now.

It could co inside that this letter i send could arrive around mothers day which im not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

all i can do is try i was thinking for this to be hand delivered by someone i trust rather than going in the mail to be opened by someone else.

like you i have learned that im a big brother and an uncle but have to come to terms that i will probably never get to meet any of them. i just dont understand.

again thanks for sharing and ill probably think of something else to ask. and you feel free to ask me as i belive a problem shared and talked about really helps.
david140288
 
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Re: newbie story

Postby cleo » Thu Apr 10, 2014 12:20 pm

Hi david, i just wrote along letter to you and it didn' register ppfff, i will write it again soon, or if you want ot understand my situation you can look at my other posts, then you can see what i have been going through.

Did you send your letter?

I don't know what to do at the moment, i want to face him and ask what i did or done wrong, but then i fall back thinking he has closed all the gateways, he obviously doe'snt want me in his life....
cleo
 
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Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

Re: newbie story

Postby david140288 » Tue Aug 12, 2014 7:14 am

hi there, sorry for not replying i ended up just putting this whole situation in a box and not opening it but in a strange turn of events and not hearning anything for months wondering what i did wrong my 2 sisters added me to facebook out of the blue, my birth mother then unblocked me and sent me a message asking to forgive her again, when i replyed she said she will chat soon but was glad i am talking to my sisters so i said will chat when your ready, her reason for blocking me was she got scared which i can fully understand. i wonder how long that will last though...............

so i am enjoying chatting to my sisters for the time being but just hoping everyday that they havnt blocked me when i log on to facebook and we seem to be getting on well, which is great.
david140288
 
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Joined: Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:03 pm

Re: newbie story

Postby ladyarcher70 » Wed Aug 13, 2014 11:52 am

Hi David ........ so glad that your patience and forbearance have been rewarded ........ it is terribly difficult to know how to proceed when you get blocked.....for some, taking the bull by the horns and turning up may be the right move......for others, playing the waiting game may be right.......the trouble is one never knows which way to go....... one never knows what is going on in the other person's mind, or life.......this applies to either side, adoptee and b.parent.

Hopefully your contact will continue it's way gently and your b.mother will gradually overcome her fear.........if you, or she, ever watch the 'long lost' series, then you will see how often people on either side are terrified of first contact.........in the programme it is depicted that after that first contact all is well and the relationship continues with singing birds and flower strewn paths....... however, those of us in the real world of adoption know that this is often not the case, and people will frequently regress into their original fear and insecurity about a relationship in reunion. We are all human, and human fear is difficult to overcome in many areas. Adoption particularly undermines confidence for both adoptee and birth parent, so little wonder that things often are rocky.

Facebook and e-mails are often a source of a problem, as are texts. Because response can be instant, people have come to expect it to be instant. This is unrealistic as people have their everyday lives and pressures, and many people do not look at fb. or e.mails every day, let alone every hour.....and computers and mobile phones can have frequent problems depending on signals and on the reliability of the actual instrument....and also the ability of the operator........ .so to expect an instant answer to a message, or text, or e-mail is unrealistic...but if it is not instant, the immediate thought is that the other person does not want to know, or has lost interest, or whatever...........you yourself are already feeling this from your two comments about worrying that you will have been blocked by your sisters, and wondering how long your b.mother will stay in contact before she gets scared again...........see........it is on both sides ......... you are scared, and she is scared.........

Good luck

LA70
born 1944 - adopted 1946
ladyarcher70
 
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Re: newbie story

Postby cleo » Mon Aug 18, 2014 8:34 pm

Dear David,

Thats great news for you, i'm so happy your mum has unblocked you....sadly i am still waiting for this to happen from my son, but i'm guessing that it will take alot longer or facing the reality that it will never come...but never say never and live in hope...

I wish you all the best in the coming future, at least for the moment your mind is at rest.

Take care
cleo
 
Posts: 238
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:21 pm

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