Sad ending to my search

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Sad ending to my search

Postby TopKat » Fri Feb 14, 2014 11:19 am

On Monday this week I finally found out my adopted brothers new surname ( it was at my finger tips all along) and through further searching I have found that he died in May 2009, it really is a sad ending to find out my past ...... sometimes I feel I should have gone with my gut instinct and never started the search for my birth parents.
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby Turtle » Fri Feb 14, 2014 1:00 pm

I am so sorry TopKat.

x
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby sylvie » Fri Feb 14, 2014 1:39 pm

Please accept my sincerest condolences. I am thinking of you. x
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby cleo » Fri Feb 14, 2014 8:53 pm

Dear Topcat,

So sorry to read this, we never know what is the right thing to do at that moment in time, this is so sad.
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby TopKat » Sat Feb 15, 2014 3:54 pm

Thank you Turtle, Cleo and Sylvie I cannot believe after my 16 month search this is the outcome, when I first discovered that I had a brother that like myself had been adopted you could have hit me over with a feather. I immediately wanted to contact him, but was to find out how long and frustrating this was. SS gave me no info so I was going it alone other than he was adopted in the same town as myself, not much but it was a start. Through a very weird twist of fate I met the lady who 50 years ago lived next door to my BM and she was able to tell me his name was John and he had been placed with a family living in Aberfan, but had heard that he had died in the Aberfan Disaster in 1966 but wasn't sure if this was correct. So I had another thing to go on I asked my SW to check to see if any of the names matched my brothers, no they didn't. So where do I go from here? Then last week someone suggested that I look through the electoral role for 1977 the year that my brother was 18 I was told it would take about 2 hours to look through every name and any person with the same DOB as him collect all info on them and guess what there were only 2 John and Mark, and John lived in the next village down from Aberfan. Dare I believe that this John was my brother, things from that moment progressed at lightening speed. I phoned my SW and asked him if I had found my brother but as usual he couldn't tell me, but what he did say that he wasn't looking for Mark. I asked an old friend who by coincidence had the same surname as him and lived in that village if she remembered him, she didn't but asked around for me and as promised she did but the outcome was a sad one, but John had a brother who I sent a letter too and the very next day he phoned me and said how surprised he was to find John had a sister agreed to meet with me one day to share our stories and to show me some photos of him. So that is something that I am looking forward to. And to you John my brother may you RIP. Too little too late.
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby ladyarcher » Sat Feb 15, 2014 11:07 pm

So sorry to hear this sad news Topkat ......it's heartbreaking ........ and so wicked of the Authorities, both long ago, and now, to separate siblings..... for many adoptees all they have is a sibling......and even that 'little' is taken from them.......

LA
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby rodsmith » Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:10 pm

Sad news TopKat. So sorry to hear this.
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby cleo » Mon May 12, 2014 1:24 pm

Crikey i'm not the only one being rebuffed by the SS then, i think its so hard to get any info of our past, ok i'm a B.mum but i tried looking for my sons A.dad who has died, but the SS won't give me any info just saying that you'll have to try all the cemetrys where you think he may of been buried or cremated...i have tired but no luck...the things is SS have the info, so why not share it with me.

Yet an adoptee can have my name and find out things about me, it just doe'snt seem fair that we have such a struggle, and like you sometimes its too late, which is so sad.......
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Re: Sad ending to my search

Postby ladyarcher » Mon May 12, 2014 8:47 pm

Cleo, I am assuming that you know your son's a.dad's surname, as it will be the one your son has now.......you also know roughly the area they lived in and roughly the time that he died, at least within a month or so........so apply to the Records Office at Kew for a copy of his death cert.

This would give you the address and the name of the notifying relative.....most probably this will be the a.mother......that way you could, if you wished, contact his a.mother now that some time has passed........so it would not seem so crass as if you had done it immediately following the a.dad's death.......if you don't know his a.dad's Christian name you would perhaps have to go to Kew next time you are in this country and search the records yourself.....

LA
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