How did you find out you were adopted?

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How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby cat090581 » Thu Feb 06, 2014 6:36 pm

I've just found out I have a adopted sister who was adopted in 1964. As you could imagine my first reaction was I must find her but my husband thinks I'm being unfair and that I should leave things as they are. I've done what I can to make contact now I think and I'm just waiting. My husband said I might ruin her life that she might not know she's adopted but surely she must have found out by now???? She's just turned 50.
I just wanted some advice from people who have been adopted your opinion??? Should I just let it go and how did you find our you were adopted and how did you feel?? Any advice would be much appreciated x
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby 0ssie » Thu Feb 06, 2014 7:09 pm

Hi,
Don't assume that she knows she's adopted; I've only just found out and I'm nearly 60! x
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby cat090581 » Thu Feb 06, 2014 8:44 pm

How did you find out and how do you feel now that you know?
How would u feel about meeting your birth family?
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby Turtle » Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:23 pm

I was nearly forty, so a.parents are not always honest and open with their a.children.

Most people do seem to be told at a young age, so the chances are, she does know. I also doubt if you would "ruin her life" if you were the one that broke the news to her. People need to know the truth, even though it might not necessarily be about a positive event.

Also, I feel that adoptees have a more positive approach to reunions with siblings. They feel, that like them, they were caught in the middle of things, rather than being actively involved in decisions made years ago. I know that I would be more sympathetic to being approached by my siblings.
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby cazzablanca » Mon Feb 10, 2014 7:17 pm

I'm almost 42 and can't ever remember being told I was adopted, and yet I've always known. I do remember that our next door neighbour adopted a baby girl when I was about 3 years old, and approximately 18 months after that she adopted a little boy, so at the tender age of not quite five I thought all babies were adopted!!

I have the opposite dilemma to you - I have found my full brother, and with every ounce of my being I want to write and tell him 'I'm your sister!!' But what if his (my?) mother hasn't told him I exist? I keep trying to reverse the situation and think what would I do if a stranger contacted me and said they were my sibling? Would I be shocked? Would I want to meet them or not, or would the urge to meet them and find out more be too strong? What if he does already know I'm out here somewhere and he's been searching/waiting for me? I'm still mulling this over but personally, shocked or not I would want to know - whatever the repercussions may be...

Caz
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby Turtle » Tue Feb 11, 2014 4:07 pm

cassablanca, I wasn't told until I was 37, but I always knew. It didn't come as a shock to me, it was a relief to prove what I had always suspected. I had spent most of my life thinking I was insane or a bad person, for doubting my family.

As it was, my a.father died a few years later. I was so pleased that I found out before he died. I would have hated not to have been able to talk to him about it. So if your brother doesn't know, maybe he would like, if your parents are still alive, to have the opportunity to talk to them about it, before it is too late. So maybe telling him wouldn't be a bad thing.
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby cazzablanca » Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:44 pm

I am sorely tempted to contact him turtle, but am awaiting a response from my b.mother first, so that she gets the opportunity to tell her sons (I have twin full brothers and a half brother), before I go barrelling in. Of course there is the chance that they do already know I exist, and I relish that thought. I've decided in my own mind to wait til the end of the month and if nothing is forthcoming I am going to 'reveal' myself (Ta-da!) to the brother I've located, and then que sera sera!
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby ladyarcher » Tue Feb 11, 2014 9:24 pm

There we go again Cas........always, always the adoptee holding back, considering the feelings of everyone else, ducking and diving to put everyones' needs and feelings before our own........
Sorry, a bit of 'plu' *........ creeping in there....

LA

* plu = poor little us...... :roll:
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby cat090581 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:21 pm

Good luck Casablanca. You should definitely get intouch with your brother I only wish my sister finds out about me and comes knocking on my door. Let me kno how you get on x
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby sarah 1971 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 3:32 pm

Hi,

An interesting one and a bit of a dilemma. The chances are that she will know that she is adopted and if it was me I would love the fact that a sibling had tried to trace me, it would have meant the world.

Sarah
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby Turquoise sea » Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:18 am

I've always known. I had a book called 'I am adopted' that was read to me often and my parents just kept saying "you are adopted and that means we chose you and you are special!" I didn't really understand what it meant until I went to school and the other kids said "so your mum isn't your real mum!" Then my sister and I asked more questions as we got older and our parents answered them honestly but not supplying extra info!

Its difficult if you're not sure if she knows, if she's older then her parents might not still be alive so she might be happy to hear she has another family?
Adopted at 6 weeks old in 1972, birth mother was unmarried. Always known I'm adopted. Saw adoption file 2011.
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby julie2009 » Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:56 am

Hi Torquoise Sea.

I had always known too and in the same way as you parents told you but I remember at the time a neighbour's kid tormenting me about it and my mum got to hear about and was furious because she had told this person's mum in confidence and obviously this kid had overheard something but that was all in the past.
My mum would answer any questions I had but as you said she didn't give out any extra info too.

She commented the other day that forty two years on Saturday she had to go to the Court to have all the papers signed and for the adoption to be made legal.

Sorry I don't know much of your story TS as I have only joined these forums again after having to re-register for some reason but anyway have you managed to find out anything about your birth family and if so does your adoptive parents know.

Take care

Julie xx
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Re: How did you find out you were adopted?

Postby tilltheworldstops » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:12 am

I needed a copy of my full birth certificate which Id never seen previously....long story short found out by accident my adoptive parents are deceased & must have decided they where never going to tell me....thanks.
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