Wondering if I should just give up now......

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Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby sazzer » Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:30 pm

Sending you positive vibes Sarah, wish you all the luck in the world.
Sarah x
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Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 7:56 pm

Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby carolina » Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:24 am

Really hoping for you - everything crossed. At the very least your friend will be able to pick up some clues as to what your bm is like.

Let us know when you can.

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Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:29 am

Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby sarah 1971 » Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:45 am

HI Sarah,

So sorry that you have still had no response, if only your bm could understand how hurtful that is to you, maybe she just doesn't realise.
I really hope your friend gets somewhere by contacting her and I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep us posted and will be thinking of you.

Sarah x
sarah 1971
Posts: 356
Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:15 am
Location: Essex

Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby lifeafterlife » Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:20 am

Hello SarahC

I am new on this forum but your search story seems to be identical to mine and I just wondered if there was a happy ending two years on from your last post? I am a year down the line of sending letters to BM and email to her husband with my address and email given. No response. I have sent 3 letters now,two of which signed for, one email and my wife has also sent a letter with zero response. The thought of knocking on her door or a phone call makes me feel sick as I just don't need any more rejection. I really cannot move on at the moment and it seems all consuming.

Just wanted to know what your next step was and how it worked out for you.
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Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby julie2009 » Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:36 pm

Hi lifeafterlife

In a way I know how you feel. I discovered my own BM died at a young age so I decided to try and contact her sister. To be honest everything was OK at the start. I used to telephone and she would have emailed but just during the summer this year I received an email from her saying bringing up the past was starting to take a toll on her health and she had told me everything she knew which wasn't true. In other words she wanted to stop contact.
Like you I took this as a rejection and actually didn't realise how much this had really got to me because that night everytime I thought about what she said I burst into tears which wasn't like me at all.

I see you have sent several letters and not one response to any of them. How can people treat others like this. Could she not even respond by saying she would prefer "no contact" and then you would know for sure. It is the not knowing that gets to most of us.

I was very nearly going to approach my BM sister in my home town a few weeks ago but decided not to in the end. It would have upset me more than probably her. You are right about it all being consuming and it can take over your life sometimes. I find myself checking FB to see if my contact has found out anything for me. I feel terrible putting this person is this position for fear of my birth aunt finding out what I am up to.

Take care

Julie xx
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Location: co. antrim

Re: Wondering if I should just give up now......

Postby cleo » Sun Nov 02, 2014 5:00 pm

Hello lifeafterlife and julie,

I understand at what point how you feel, i have been trying to sort out my situation but seem to go around incircles, i too feel rejected, and mainly because there is/was no explication why he stopped contact, one day he says thinking of a day to meet, then after that total silence, then shuts down his main social network and email adress, the email adress hurt me the most to be honest, as for his phone, he never answers there is a message box, but not sure if he has deleted me from his contacts!!!

Its so painful not knowing what i did wrong, if anything.....like you said julie, why not just tell me he wnats no further contact...instead of leaving me in the lurch like this, he knows how i feel about him and my Grandson...so why oh why the cold shoulder?

I have also thought of confronnting him when i come back to the uk, but when i get near, although i do not know exactly where he lives, i feel sick and worry what his reaction might be, i don't think i could go through all the hurt yet again, but then i think maybe i should try and contact his mum, he told me that she used to talk about me through the years, but it was always him who would avoid the subject....deep down i think she'd like to know about me, but do i take the leap, i cannot lose anything now as my son doe'snt have contact with me anyway. I just wish i had the guts to face her or my son; i want to write a letter to him for when i send my grandsons parcel, but where do i start without giving the intention i really really miss him.....

This afternoon i cried in the sofa, thinking about how is it possible for him to be so 'cold' i just cannot get my head everything, i am heartbroken to be honest. My husband asked why i was so upset, but i don't talk about my son to him anymore because he thinks i should of let go already from alst year, he is of the opinion that if my son has'nt made further contact, then i should just let go and not try and hang on...its obvious my son only wanted to know about his pass...end of......

Like you lifeafterlife, i cannot move on either, he is my son, that i have been waiting for for over 30 years, then he suddenly come into my life, then a couple of months later dissapears without a word or goodbye!!!! How can anyone who has a heart move on from something like this, i made a mistake when i was 16 and will pay the price for acts for the rest of my life, is that not punishment enough?

They say life goe's on, yes it doe's but only because i have too, all i ever wnated was to have a simple happy life, why is that so hard to have......
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