Attachment in Adoption

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Attachment in Adoption

Postby Donotunderstand » Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:28 pm

I've been told that my niece has been unable to attach to her adoptive parents and she is having therapy to help her understand why that is and also to talk about her early trauma in birth home. I know from adoptive mum that our niece can be quite horrible when speaking to her.

I would really like to know what attachment means in adoption if anyone can explain in simple terms if its not too big a subject.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
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Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:51 pm

I think that this is probably a huge subject, or a very simple one......... apologies if you have already given this information before, I have not checked back over past posts, but it is difficult to give an opinion when we don't have

your niece's age now,
how long the problem has been evident,
how old your niece was when she was adopted,
if she was with her b.parents until she was adopted..........
if she was not with her b.parents, then how many other 'homes' did she have before being adopted i.e. foster, with other family members etc.
what connection the a.parents have with the original family, i.e. is there letterbox or even proper regular contact........
What other siblings does she have if any, and where are they, and does she have contact.........

I am sure that most of these answers are in your other posts somewhere......so once again, apologies for asking for them again........

.......and also to remember that most girls can be absolutely ghastly to their mothers ..........they don't seem to speak the same way to their fathers........and boys don't tend to do it either........ they just grunt at their parents for several years, then turn into reasonably nice young men...........

LA
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Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Donotunderstand » Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:58 am

Deleted
Last edited by Donotunderstand on Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:07 pm

Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Turtle » Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:36 am

Donotunderstand wrote:I've been told that my niece has been unable to attach to her adoptive parents and she is having therapy to help her understand why that is and also to talk about her early trauma in birth home. I know from adoptive mum that our niece can be quite horrible when speaking to her.


I can relate to this. I had problems connecting with my adoptive mum. Although I loved her, there was something that was a block, a barrier between us. It wasn't a conscious thing, it was more of a feeling, if that makes sense. It certainly was there in the teenage years, and lasted well in to my twenties.

It sounds like you niece is really angry and she is letting her frustrations out on the person nearest to her. (She may even be doing this to test the adoptive mother or because she feels a certain amount of safety with her). I doubt if she is doing it consciously. I can't begin to explain the angry I felt. It was more that anger, it was rage and it would come out of no where. It came from a deep place, it was a raw emotion that would just explode out of me. Most of the time I was extremely quiet and compliant, but then there would be this eruption of emotion. I think it was frustration and actually anger at the injustice of the whole world, rather than being angry at an individual, which to everyone else, it appeared to be. I think it was that I felt so disconnected from everyone around me. It is every negative emotion that you can imagine, forming a ball of rage that is quite uncontrollable when it occasionally surfaces.

It is good that she is seeing a therapist. Hopefully that will help.
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Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Donotunderstand » Sat Nov 10, 2012 1:20 pm

Thanks, its good to know that my niece will be able to love her parents. I understand about the rage and frustration and how it relates to feelings about the injustice of the world. My nephew can be quite explosive at times and vents his frustration frequently too.

Is that what would be classed as being unattached?
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:07 pm

Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Josie » Sat Nov 10, 2012 2:39 pm

Just a quickie - Daniel Hughes is a well known specialist on attachment.
Perhaps that could be helpful to you?
Take care,
Love J
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Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Donotunderstand » Sun Nov 11, 2012 5:04 pm

Thanks J - I will do some research :D
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:07 pm

Re: Attachment in Adoption

Postby Donotunderstand » Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:29 pm

As there has been no further input on this thread I have decided to delete my post which contained a huge amount of info about my family and I was uncomfortable leaving it on an open forum.
Aunt to a sibling group split up by Adoption and Residence Orders. Mum to birth children age 28 & 26, and adopted 14 year old (youngest of the sibling group)
Donotunderstand
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:07 pm


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