advice/suggestions please

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advice/suggestions please

Postby greens » Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:57 pm

Hi, I’m new so bear with me I’d like some advice plse
As there’s so much gone on I’ll just give you the bare bones
My wife and I have been adopted parents of a beautiful little girl for nine years (she’s eleven now) she was a handful from the start but so loved, loving and fun
In January of this year for no reason she ran away twice, became verbally abusive and threatening, we put this down to her ADHD & Attachment Disorder, took professional help and tried to cope
Things calmed down (of a sort) until this month when after two serious meltdowns, becoming seriously abusive and physically threatening to us, running away four/five times, calling the police to the house numerous times, placing herself in some extremely dangerous situations and telling the police that I was hurting her and being consequently placed in police protection (it was proved I wasn’t/hadn’t and no action was taken) that S/S finally woke up and agreed that she was a danger to herself & others and placed in a local children’s home (which she’s run away from twice so far)
We visit her daily but she shows no affection to us and has told us, the police and S/S that she does not love or want to live with us and that if she is forced to return she will run away again. She’s only eleven
We do not know what to do next and in our hearts we feel that the placement is on the verge of breaking down and if it does do not know what to do, how do you unadopt or undo a placement?
Any comments would be greatly appreciated
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Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2012 10:02 pm

Re: advice/suggestions please

Postby ladyarcher » Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:37 pm

Hello Greens,
and I would say welcome, but I would think that you really do not want the circumstances that have led you to the need to come on this site.......I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through at the moment in regard to your problems with your daughter.......
I am away from home at the moment and just borrowing a computer so cannot stay on it very long, however I would ask the obvious question, which is has your daughter been showing any interest in her birth family ........... this may of course have nothing to do with her behaviour at the moment ........ but if she is having a rather severe dose of being about to be a teenager, then she may also, as being immature, be having a fantasy about some wonderful life that she might have had with her birth family ............ that is just an initial thought, and you will no doubt have already thought it your self .......... also, where was she for the two years before you had her .......... I too, was adopted at the age of 2, and contrary to percieved wisdom, you can remember your life that early on, or at least parts of it and the insecurity of the unknown at that age never leaves you.........
As I said, I am visiting so cannot reply as fully as I would like to, but you are not alone, there are others on here whom I am sure will also add their ideas and experiences........I will be back home later this week and will try and answer you more fully then.........
born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who died young but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters so when I made contact with them in Canada they were not shocked........when I was 25 and searching for my b.mother I discovered that I had a full sister.....three years ago after a forty year search, I found her.......
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