still unwanted

Ask members of TALKadoption about any adoption related issues.

Moderator: AfterAdoption

still unwanted

Postby mark n » Mon Apr 16, 2012 10:35 am

i guess i just have to accept that my birth mother does not now or has never ever wanted to have any thing to do with me.since having my first meeting with her over a year ago tension has been strained as she says it upsets the man she is with and has been since i was born.ive been told ill never be able to vist her at her home or attend any family gathering as it will up set him.its strange to think that this man gave me his surname on my birth certificate.
as ive got to know my family it has become clear that i have been resented from day one of meeting them as i would have been the middle child.and my mother went on to have 2 more children to this man ,he also took on 2 children that my birth mother had from a previous marrage but they gave me away.should i now just cut my losses and move on with my life as ive mainly just met my eldest sister and eldest hurts that the family i so wanted has turned out the way the have i have done every thing and more to try and help things along but i get told its all about my mum and how she does not want to upset her husband. :(
mark n
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:11 pm

Re: still unwanted

Postby julie2009 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:13 am

Hi Mark I just came across your message by chance. I think if you post in the Adoptees forum you might get more of a response from other adoptees who feel the same as you. I can't really advise you about this Mark as I never got to know my BM.
She died at an early age but I have since made contact with her sister but again I haven't heard from her in a long time.
I sometimes don't know what goes through peoples head. Is your BM partner your Birth Father because you said she doesn't want to upset him in all this - what about you in all this. I don't think they are considering your feelings at all Mark which is very selfish and unfair to you. Do you mind me asking if your adoptive parents know anything about this.

I don't think it is fair of your BM to say you can never be involved in any family gatherings etc especially after meeting her just the once you never even got to know her properly. It is good that you have met your elder brother and sister and I would continue with this relationship with them and maybe your BM will realise through time and try to make amends.

I hope you start to feel a lot better but remember Mark you are not on your own. Please post your message on the adoptees forum for more help

Julie xx
Posts: 519
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:42 pm
Location: co. antrim

Re: still unwanted

Postby skyebluepink » Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:24 pm

What you have written reminds me very much of my own story - quite a lengthy thread in the adopted people forum. Know how horrible it feels, but as yet, I am unable to suggest a solution because I haven't got one for myself.
Come and read my random musings at
Posts: 355
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:47 pm

Return to Talking adoption

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests