What do i say?

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What do i say?

Postby jan » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:38 pm

After 31 years of searching, ive been advised by the people who have been helping me, that i should be ready to write to my birth mothers sister with possible regular contact. Ive no idea how or what to write can anyone help please, ive recently seperated after 24 years marriage and have no one for support. Thanks Jan, x
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Postby ladyarcher » Sat Apr 16, 2011 2:04 pm

Hi Jan and welcome,

so sorry not to have seen your posting and replied sooner - you must think we are all uncaring on here and you would not be more wrong........I am not sure if the gizmo that tells us that a new post has arrived on the board is working at the moment........I have tuned in several times to find that there are new posts and I have not had a 'click'.

Anyway, good news that you have found someone from your birth family - so this is your aunt that has been found.........I wonder if she is acting as go-between for your birth mother.......this would not be unusual, quite often a trusted family member will know more than the others......my full sister first contacted me through her cousin for example.........

Sorry to hear that you have recently separated........one always feels very exposed and vulnerable when a marriage fails.......been there, done that........ second time around have been happily married for 34 years, so do not despair although you may feel like it........

One assumes that the people doing your search for you.... was it Council Soc.Serv. or an Agency...... will have found your aunt through proper chanels and that she has been told about you, or knew about you already, and is willing for contact......... in which case a simple letter to start with, briefly giving an account of your life, education, interests, jobs, children, etc......... possibly if you are comfortable with it, enclosing a picture of you as a child and now.

Presumably your Agency or the CCSocServ who did your searching are acting as your go-between. It is often sensible to not give your address immediately, until you know a bit more about the situation that your relative(s) are in.......... this may sound odd, and hard, given that you have been longing to find your birth family.......... however, sometimes it is not a good idea to get too close too soon ........ there are many reasons for being adopted, and sadly a few are for the protection of the child .....so make haste slowly........... and keep coming back here for any help/advice/other peoples' experiences that may give you a different way of looking at things........ there is nearly always someone who will have had very similar experiences and reading how they dealt with things can be helpful......

born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who died young, but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so when I made contact with them, they were not shocked.........finally found full sister two years ago, having searched for her for forty years.....I first heard that she existed when I was 25.
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