Met my Mum at Last

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Met my Mum at Last

Postby slg » Wed Apr 21, 2010 3:54 pm

I posted a comment a few months ago saying how my BM had turned me down flat i must have cried enough too feel the Ocean !!!! I knew where to find her but felt unable too go without her consent.. Well last Wed i decided at 4am in the morning that i was going to go... I was terrfied of the outcome but felt i had nothing to loose... so by 12pm i was there it took me till 4pm to pluck the courage up too go and see her...

It was the most amazing experiance of my life... its was like looking in a mirror at last i found someone who looked and sounded like me... she was rather taken aback but with hindsight think this may actually of helped.. i managed to talk.. How I shall never know i was shaking and can not remmber all that was said BUT she hugged me and we talked for a while, then we both started to cry and couldn't stop hugging each other.. I will see her again i feel less alone less scared of the world I have my Mother...

I have read this site almost everyday and have found great comfort in the words and sentiments of others.. I jsut wanted too say to eveyone one out there who is searching and have been turned down NEVER EVER GIVE UP... as there are lots of reasons why a BM doesn't get in touch the first or the second time off asking... I wish everyone the very best of luck with their searches

Much Love too All
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Postby Janej » Thu Apr 22, 2010 10:30 am

Hi Sue
I am so pleased that things have worked out for you and you have met your BM.
This is a good starting point, you and your BM now need to build a relationship. I too found it freeky when I look so much like my BF and especially like his sister - I honestly look more like her than her own daughter does!
Keep us posted on your progress
Jane x
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Postby queenv » Thu Apr 22, 2010 10:33 am

I am so pleased for you, it just goes to show how persistence works...or maybe a stubborn streak lol...anyways, here to the future xx
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Postby ladyarcher » Mon Apr 26, 2010 10:12 am

Sue - I don't know how I managed to miss your post, we were away and when we got back I thought I had caught up with every posting.

Anyway, its wonderful news. I know we are often advised not to 'doorstep' our b.parents, I did it too, to my b.mother. However I think that in some instances it is actually the only way. As you said, you had nothing to lose at that time, as contact had been turned down.

I think that people - in this case a b.mother, but it can just as easily be us as adoptees etc - build up in their minds a sort of picture of the person that wants to see them. This picture is one of fear......that the seeker will do them harm in some way.....not physical harm, but mental harm. That they will receive perhaps blame, unpleasantness, that sort of thing......and when they have persuaded themselves that the person seeking contact is like 'the bogeyman', it becomes more and more difficult to see them as an ordinary person. If you turn up on the doorstep, you are real person, with hopes and fears, and immediately become less of a threat, or person to be feared.

So although risky, I do think that doorstepping often works. Maybe it is a last resort.....maybe not. I would actually advocate a slightly different form of it, in that I feel it is better to approach someone when there is no danger of a third party being around. When I approached my b.mother I made sure that she was in an open shopping area, and was alone. So she would not have to explain me to anyone else at that moment. I did not write or phone, for the same reason. In the shopping precinct there were lots of people around, so she would not feel threatened, but also she could walk away if she did not want to know. Actually, so could I have done, if I had perceived that she was not a character that I would want my children to know as their grandmother. As it happened she was lovely..... most people are...... she was just someone who 30 years earlier had lost their way for a while. There but for the Grace of God etc.......

Best wishes for your, and your b.mother's continuing happiness in finding eachother again.

born 1944 - adopted 1946 - found b.mother 1972 - sadly missed b.father who had died young, but who had told his subsequent children that they had two English sisters, so it was not a shock when I found them. Finally found full sister - adopted separately - last year....after a forty year search.
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Re: Met my Mum at Last

Postby sylvie » Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:08 pm

As it happened she was lovely..... most people are...... she was just someone who 30 years earlier had lost their way for a while. There but for the Grace of God etc.......

Ladyarcher, I found your words deeply moving. The tender, genuine care within them.
Bless you. You stirred my heart right up with the warmth of yours.
Reunited with my beloved son after decades of separation which began when I was a young teenager and he was newly born, and finally ended a few years ago when we met again as fully-grown adults.
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Re: Met my Mum at Last

Postby ladyarcher » Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:55 pm

Thank you Sylvie you will have seen this post and answer to it, was April 2010 .......... one hopes that things continued to go well.........
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