Children are not merchandise!

Ask members of TALKadoption about any adoption related issues.

Moderator: AfterAdoption

Children are not merchandise!

Postby athensrunner » Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:01 pm

I'm a bit of a lurker on this forum and don't post as often as I should but one of my American friends sent me this link http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100409/ap_on_re_eu/eu_russia_adopted_boy

Our American cousins makes me mad... hopefully British law will not allow this to happen, but it makes me think.

For me there are good and bad sides with adoption. I was "lucky" in that I choose to place my son, I know it was right for us both... Of course now that he is a young man I would love to have contact with him. Thanks to sensible advice on this forum... in particular Ladyarcher and John I haven't barged in to contact, my son's feelings and wishes will always be taken into account whatever step I next want to take.

I also know there are good and bad sides to adoption, children have been wrongfully removed from their parents etc. Then along comes stories like this... what right does any of us have to treat a child like a piece of merchandise, it is not like we are in a restaurant and decide that we don't like the taste of our food and can send it back to the kitchen... with any child, biological or adopted we cannot change our minds when that child comes into our life, we are there for better or worse. When we decide to have a child, whether adopted or not, it is a decision we have to stick with, as they say in the wedding woes: "for better or worse, in sickness and in health". Unfortunately, this is no longer seems to be applicable to having a child.

Sorry if I have offended any of you guys but I just needed to get this off my chest.
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
athensrunner
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:35 am
Location: London

Postby ladyarcher » Sat Apr 10, 2010 8:18 pm

Hi AthensR.......nice to see you again.

I have read through quite a lot of the comments about this case that are on the link. It seems to me that half of the people who have made comments need therapy themselves..

......however, it is a serious subject. Adoption, as we all know, is tricky for all the parties involved, both at the beginning and if there is a reunion, and all the spaces in between.
It is fairly obvious that either one or other side of this particular case is not telling the whole truth. It also seems odd to me that an airline would accept a child of that age travelling alone..........what are the regulations about such things. Its not as if it were a ten minute hop.........how much English did the child know or understand.........all sorts of questions that will probably not be answered.

I personally detest reading about the so called 'celebrities' - see Madonna, and others - who seem to be allowed to adopt any child at any time. In the nature of the celebrity lifestyle these peoples' marriages are far more likely to end in divorce/serial remarriages, and even if they don't, the celebrity is going to be jetting off everywhere and children are left to the care of nannies - possibly they are better off with the nanny providing she manages to keep her job and be a secure presence in the child's life...

.. Without being racist, I do feel that children should if possible be kept within their own culture.......particularly if this involves colour. Childhood and life is difficult enough without deliberately adding to the list of problems we could be giving a child. Let's not forget that the child has no say in this matter at all..............we adoptees are in effect totally disenfranchised..........I am not having a 'go' at you AthensR. I know you took great care over the placing of your son........however not many birth mothers are able to do this.........the child is totally at the mercy of whatever chance gives it in the way of adoptive parents........no matter how much vetting and counseling goes on, the vetting is only as good as the person doing it.......imagine the hubris of someone having that power over a child's future. I feel that anyone who thinks they are capable of deciding whether a child should go to particular parents or not, should not actually have the power to decide............where would that leave everyone..........I have no answer...........

LA
ladyarcher
 
Posts: 1623
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:15 pm
Location: Gt.Britain

Postby athensrunner » Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:25 pm

Hi Ladyarcher

Would have replied earlier but this weekend has been a nightmare - my beloved mother(-in-law) passed on.

I know you aren't having a "go" at me, I actually agree with everything you said, you just express it more eloquently.

Yes, I did take care when placing my son in an international adoption, but my son has been raised in the county he was born.

Like you, it is the "celebrity" adoptions I have a problem with - I think and will argue till I'm blue in the face, that children should adopted within the country and culture they are born.

Anyway, when I saw that story I needed to vent.... it is good for me (us all) sometimes.

Take care

x
Birth mother in an international adoption

Feel free to read my ramblings as a birth mother
http://www.athensrunner.blogspot.com
athensrunner
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:35 am
Location: London

Postby ladyarcher » Mon Apr 12, 2010 7:55 pm

AthensR.........so sorry for your loss - we lost a very dear friend just before Easter.....what can one say to those left behind - wife, children, grandchildren..? Absolutely nothing as far as I can see, that will be of any help to them. To say we share their pain is, we feel, a presumption.

LA
ladyarcher
 
Posts: 1623
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:15 pm
Location: Gt.Britain


Return to Talking adoption

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron