Still no word....

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Still no word....

Postby slg » Fri Dec 05, 2008 9:18 am

I still haven't heard anything back from my Bmother, i am starting to loose hope now that she never will, i suppose i was being rather optomistic that she would want to know me.... in a way i feel stupid for thinking this which only compounds my feeling of being alone (even thought i know i am not)

I have considered paying her a visit but at this stage i think it would do more harm than good, although i am very very tempted....

could i ask if anyone has been in similar position, could they please tell me what they did..???

or if a B'mother is reading this could she give me an insight in to how my B'mother may be feeling....

or must i just except that this is not going to end happliy.... :cry: :cry:

Sue
slg
 
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Postby Diane » Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:03 am

Sue going through your other posts I think you have now given your bmother time. I don't think at this rate she is going to change her mind, so with that what do you really have to loose? You could have something to gain if she were to see you face to face. I would door knock, but only if you feel you could cope with her rejecting you to your face. Why if you are her only child does she not want contact? I really don't get some birth parents I really don't, they are given the opputunity many others are begging for. Yes it could be fear, but unless we face our fears we never over come them.

Sending you hugs

Diane
Born July 1963 and Reunited January 1995.
Diane
 
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:42 pm

How is she feeling, you ask. Truth is that nobody knows except her.

In reality there are two possibilities. I don't know the circumstances of the adoption, but she may be feeling extreme guilt or shame at her part in it, despite it being so long ago. She may feel that she is going to be judged or harshly criticized for her part in it.

On the other hand, she might be one of those individuals that couldn't care less about your need for reunion. Perhaps she had no time for a child in her life back then, and nothing has changed since.

Either way, you wont know for sure until she responds. You could try mentioning that you don't seek to give her a hard time over the past, and try to put any fears she may have to rest. That might work - IF that is what is bothering her.

If she is scared, then banging on her door will ultimately break down that fear, once she has got over the initial shock. If you choose this route, you must prepare yourself for the possibility that she is simply not interested and she was told when you were adopted that that would be the end of the matter, and she never thought that you would seek her out in years to come.

If she rejects you again, you have to realise that it is her loss. To lose/reject a child in the first instance is a terrible thing, but we all are capable of making errors- especially in youth. To repeat this action years later is despicable in my mind, and I hope for you that it is not the case.
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Thanks

Postby slg » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:12 pm

Hi

Thanks for replying its all getting a bit much for me at the moment...
:( :(
In my first letter i stressed the fact that this wasn't about asking awkward questions or about me judgeing her in anyway, i stressed that i wasn't about to turn up on her door step etc as i thought she may have had difficulty writting a letter i sent a second letter telling her about me & my life (all the good bits anyway) in the hope that she could responed to my letter easier.
I can if i want ring and talk to her friend but at the moment i don't feel capable of doing this without tears, he more or less said that he thought it may take a face to face meeting but he is fearful that she will become very agitated she is i understand a formidable lady... I have also been accused of being head strong & formidable... but i suspect like me she is a pussy cat really... its a big front...
I feel foolish for expecting her to want to know me, and to be totaly ingnored is hard to except not to mention painful, if she doesn't want to have any contact why can she not tell me this...then i would go away what choice would i have?
sorry for rambling on i feel heart broken...it took me so long to pluck the couragues up to atempt this, i really hadn't expected to be rejected even though i knew it could be a possiblility i just didnt expect it how stupid is that...!!!

Anyway its the weekend so i'll be too busy to mop around....

Thanks for reading and replying...its very much appreciated its helping to keep me sane.

Sue
slg
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 12:27 pm

Postby Diane » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:19 pm

I think no matter how many letters you would write the answer would be the same. It does not matter what you write or how tackful you can put words, the fact remains she either lives with fear shame or guilt, maybe all of them. You are part of her life as much as she is yours, only she has put all this in her past and the unknown future is what she must be wanting to hide from.
Would her friend be able to talk more to her and even offer to support her? If he said it will take a face to face meeting mybe he is the one to help with this and even be there with her if you were ever to meet her. An another idea would be to send her friend a photo of you, so in his own time and when he feels the time is right to show her, do you think that could work?
Born July 1963 and Reunited January 1995.
Diane
 
Posts: 1559
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Location: Nottinghamshire

Postby Diane » Fri Dec 19, 2008 7:33 am

Piglet when you letter does arrive, it wouldn't surprise me if you squeeze yourself into an envelope and send yourself first class special delivery!!! :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:
Born July 1963 and Reunited January 1995.
Diane
 
Posts: 1559
Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:47 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire


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