new user .help reqd please

Ask members of TALKadoption about any adoption related issues.

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new user .help reqd please

Postby south saxon » Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:23 pm

hi all, its really nice to find this site as its so helpful to realise u r not alone.i was adopted way back in 1965 and have suffered with that knowledge ever since i can remember, i was never allowed to bring it up in conversation and was always told my adopted mum would be devastated if i tried to find my real family. they do not and prob cannot know the empty lonely feelings of adoption,i have suffered badly from depression and really struggle with everyday life,because i think i am alone with no history or bloodline relatives,
i have reached the point now though that i have to know who i am whatever my adopted family think,because if i dont find out i really feel it will send me to an early grave,im hoping u all have not switched off,i am sure u can relate to this.
i have my original birth certificate but i keep reading about adoption files,are these different and how do i obtain it, i was born in brighton and still live in the City, but i do not know who to contact and i have no confidence on the phone , i have tried to find a counseller who understands adoption as i believe you need to have experienced it to be able to talk about it,so if anyone knows one in the Brighton / east sussex area please let me know,
will post more later as this is emotionally draining but thanks for reading and thanks for any replys /advice

jim.. birth name gary ronald felsing
south saxon
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:39 pm
Location: BRIGHTON

Postby lilit » Mon Nov 24, 2008 4:37 pm

Hi Jim, you're certainly not alone on the forums. Have you had a read through the Adopted People and Searching boards? I'm sure you'll find loads of stuff you can identify with.

Would you like to contact your birth family at this stage or just find out a bit more about them?
Posts: 364
Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:55 pm

Postby south saxon » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:46 pm

i definitly want to contact my birth family as i need answers , i have not tried searching boards yet , thanks for tip, will look now, and many thanks for replying, it all helps to make you feel less alone .
south saxon
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:39 pm
Location: BRIGHTON

Postby Janej » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:19 pm

Hi Jim
If you want to view your adoption file I think the first point of contact should be your local social services who should be able to access it for you - depending on the area it can take a while. I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong but I think if you were adopted in the 1960's you need to see a counsellor before they will give you access to your file.
It may be worth ringing After Adoption helpline, I have not used them personally but people on here say that they are very helpful. They may be able to put you in touch with a suitable counsellor who you can talk to before you start the process.
I wish you good luck
Posts: 116
Joined: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:50 am
Location: Yorkshire

Postby j-h-g-5 » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:20 pm

You need to speak to your local Social Services Department in the first instance.

The Fostering and Adoption service is based at
253 Preston Road
Brighton BN1 6SE

Tel 01273 295444
Fax 01273 295445


Their website does not make it clear what services are available post-adoption, but somebody there should be able to point you in the right direction.

The point about accessing the actual adoption file is that it can give you an insight into the reasons for adoption, and perhaps the opportunity to see things from other perspectives, as well as your own.

The name Felsing is relatively unusual, incidentally. If it does come down to searching for birth relations, this fact should make it that much easier.
Please join us on FACEBOOK, helping people affected by adoption & showing your support:
or use the After Adoption message system to send a PM.
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:04 pm

Postby Anna » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:26 pm

Hi Saxon

Just a bit of advise you really have to lean on the SS in East Sussex to do anything. Not to put you off but just my own exp.

Also we do know how you feel here so feel free to vent anytime.

Anna :D
Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:28 pm
Location: East Sussex

Postby south saxon » Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:48 am

thank you j h g s ,lilit,janej, anna, i only joined today and already people are replying, that means so much i cant tell you. all these years and no one to talk to, thank you again,
j h g s, you already seem to be a bit of a legend mate, you seem to pop up everywhere
anna i note your from my/our home county. lovely to get a reply from someone close to home although lovely to get a reply from from all parts of the country
went on to tracesmart tonight and think i have found a brother within about 3 miles. now heres the thing, my wife said we should go round and knock on his door !!! does that ring alarm bells with anyone or is it me.
non adopted people seem to have such a simplistic view of things.
im not saying we should not think of a way of contacting him but a knock on the door and saying hi im your brother seems a bit much....
cheers all , by the way if any one is interested south saxon means sussex,i know you have all been wondering !!!! speak soon am online now so maybe tonight, its a great comfort to finally speak tp people that understand
south saxon
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:39 pm
Location: BRIGHTON

Postby Diane » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:21 am

You certainly are not on your own here. Just had a look on facebook and there are some more Felsing's there and are from Brighton, so you could have a peep on there too.
Born July 1963 and Reunited January 1995.
Posts: 1559
Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:47 pm
Location: Nottinghamshire

Postby south saxon » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:02 am

thanks diane, will do that
south saxon
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:39 pm
Location: BRIGHTON

Postby Janej » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:43 am

No it is not just you - knocking on his door also rings alarm bells with me. It is a very sensitive situation and all sorts of peoples feeling must be respected and considered it is not as simple as knocking on the door. That approach, I am sure, has been used in the past but it does leave you open to rejection. Im my opinion it is far better to either get someone to approach them for you or to write a carefully worded letter. As you have said you suffer badly with depression I think in your case coming face to face with a possible blood relative who then rejects you on the doorstep through shock will not do your mental health any good at all.
Sorry if that sounds a little blunt but you have to think of yourself first and try to protect yourself from being hurt too badly.
Posts: 116
Joined: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:50 am
Location: Yorkshire

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