I want to find my mother - how do i go about it?

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I want to find my mother - how do i go about it?

Postby Harriet » Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:53 am

I was adopted when i was a baby and have thought many times about trying to find my birth mother. I have absolutely no idea how to do this as i know nothing about her. All i know is the hospital i was born in. Can anyone help me?
Harriet
 
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Location: Swansea

Postby Trace40 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:03 am

Hiya,

Have you spoken to your adoptive mum about it to see if she has any information she can pass onto you?

I would contact your local Social Services department and ask them about your adoption files.

I'm pretty new to all this myself and only began my search 2 weeks ago but theres loads of people on here who will be able to offer you much more help and advice than I can.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your search

Tracey
Trace40
 
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Postby Diane » Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:18 am

Hi Harriet,

First of all you need to apply for your original birth certificate. If you were born before 1975 you will have to have some counselling first. The whole process for me took 1 year almost to the date. I would also at the same time apply for a copy of your full files, so you will know alot of information about yourself and the lead up to and after your adoption.

Are you comfortable enough to request help from members of your family at all? I was lucky I had the full support from both my Mum and Dad and this really did help me, others however do not feel comfortable in asking. Its a very personal thing.
The journey can often be a rollar coaster of emotions and opening Pandoras box can be scarey, but on this forum we all will help listen understand or may have been through similar which helps you to off load and know that somebody out there truly understands where you are coming from.
The other suggestion where you will definately get good advice is the helpline in here, I have used this a few times and have found the person on the end of the phone very understanding and helpful. The number is

0800 0 568 578

Good luck and in the meantime you know where we are, just shout up if you need us. xx
Diane
 
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 pm

To simplify:

Firstly, as mentioned you need to locate your adoption file which should be done through your local SS department. Ideally, they can make arrangements for you to view the file.

This file should contain the name of your birth mother.

Once this is done, you have 2 avenues open to you:

1- either have a third party search for you on your behalf to try to locate her.

2- attempt searching yourself.

If I can help in any way regarding the searching aspect, feel free to send me a PM.

John
Please join us on FACEBOOK, helping people affected by adoption & showing your support:
www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10718147812
or use the After Adoption message system to send a PM.
j-h-g-5
 
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Postby Wendy Gooley » Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:42 pm

Goodluck in your search harriet and Happy Birthday for today x x x
Your mum could be sitting there like me today and wondering.. If only she knew you was wondering too..
Johns good at searches if you can locate a name give him a shout Goodluck hun x x x x
REUNITED!! Met With My Son 1-8-08!!!
Aint life Grand x x x x x x x x x x x x
Sèék Àñ Yê Shãll Fïñð
http://wendy-gooley.piczo.com/
Wendy Gooley
 
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Postby Harriet » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:28 pm

Thanks to everyone for your quick replies.

Firstly - no i do not feel comfortable talking to my adoptive parents about this. I know they would understand fully, but i know it will hurt them deeply and would rather try and do this on my own for the time being.

Secondly - do i contact my local social services, or do i contact the social services in the area i was born? Also how do i go about doing that? Sorry, i really have no idea where to find information like that!

Thirdly - Thanks John for the offer of finding out info when i finally get my hands on my mothers name. Ill pm you when i know more.
Harriet
Harriet
 
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Location: Swansea

Postby j-h-g-5 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:35 pm

Let me know the area(s), and I will send the information you need.

John
Please join us on FACEBOOK, helping people affected by adoption & showing your support:
www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10718147812
or use the After Adoption message system to send a PM.
j-h-g-5
 
Posts: 2706
Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:04 pm

Postby Harriet » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:45 pm

I live in Swansea currently, but was born in Poole Hospital, Bournemouth.
Harriet
Harriet
 
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Postby j-h-g-5 » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:49 pm

I will send you the contact information by PM shortly.
Please join us on FACEBOOK, helping people affected by adoption & showing your support:
www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10718147812
or use the After Adoption message system to send a PM.
j-h-g-5
 
Posts: 2706
Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:04 pm

Postby Harriet » Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:50 pm

Thanks John, your a star. :D
Harriet
Harriet
 
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Location: Swansea

Postby morris » Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:28 pm

Hi HARRIET, In my opinion it is best to be up front with your A/ parents from the beggining, the longer you leave it the harder it will become,

Explain to them why you want to find your B/Mum, and whatever the outcome, it will in no way affect your relationship which you have with them,

Let them follow your progress as you do it ,and let them read your postings on here, remember honesty is the best policy,
good luck in your searching , and keep us posted :D :D

life is for living so enjoy it :lol: :lol:
morris
 
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hi

Postby tracie » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:26 am

good lookwith your search harriet hope every thing goes well for you,ive been searching for my son for 2 years, ive not registered with this site long and the people on here are great in two days ive got an address and my son doesnt live far from me, but i new some info from the past
tracie
 
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Location: ROTHERHAM

Postby nelly » Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:19 pm

This site may help you understand the process:
http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/adopt ... /index.asp

You also need to write to the adoption department of the social services where you live now, giving your name, (before and after if you know them) and say you want to trace you 'Birth' /'natural' mother ( which ever term you like, personally hate them all!) They will then help you find your adoption file, and give you advice.
I was lucky in that my local social services dept refer their searching work to 'after adoption' who have offices in Swansea at
YMCA
1,The kingsway.
Swansea
SA15JQ
phone 461720

Good luck
nelly
 
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